stillhere Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Come to think of it, my MM supports my daughter more than her own father! He just told me tonight that he was going to give me money so she can buy books from school. My MM gives me money for her all the time. He'll hand me a few bills every now and again and tell me to go buy her some new clothes, or take her out for ice cream, or what not. She has met him on a few occassions, and she actually has a crush on him. (Like mother like daughter) We were always in a neutral setting, and she has no clue that we are together, and she never will unless we end up together. She adores him, as he does her. She plays with his children and has so much fun. His little boy has a crush on her! If she wants something, he is the first one up and getting it for her. I was just thinking of this and my heart started to swell. He is exactly someone i want in my life, or should i say his obvious affection for her. Although i want to spend the rest of my life with him, it may not ever happen. But i want someone like him. Not too many men out there accept another man's child and treat them like their own. I don't ever ask him for help with her. I have a hard time financially without him (he supports me a great deal) but he takes it upon himself to support her as well because her father doesn't. She is not his responsibility, but he sees her as such because he loves me and she's a part of me. It just made me realize how special he really is.
kymberann Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 So what are the chances of you two being in a committed R? What is his marriage like? Do you think he helps you and your daughter out of guilt?
Author stillhere Posted September 12, 2006 Author Posted September 12, 2006 Guilt.........NO! Love..........YES! He owes me nothing and he knows this. I hate taking his money. For a year he's always told me he would never leave. Then, he said that we will be together some day. Not sure when and i'm not going to wait around too long, my hopes aren't that high. I know the reality of our situation. He has way too much to give up for me. Only time will tell what happens between us. I'm not happy with our situation, but i'm dealing with it. I have not given an ultimatum and i won't. I want him to leave on his own, because he chooses to do so. What are the chances of us being together? Not very high, but i'm living in the present and enjoying him while i still can.
Author stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 how old is your girl? I'm afraid to ask why this information would be pertinent. But to answer, she is 5
kymberann Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I'm afraid to give an ultimatum too. Damned if I do, damned if I don't!
Author stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 My MM is stubborn, he does what he wants when he wants. He will do the exact opposite of what i "tell him to do". I know him well enough to know that an ultimatum will get me nowhere. Every day he falls more and more in love with me! (His words) He finally told me after a year that we will be together some day. I'm not hanging on those words, because i know how difficult it will be for him to leave. I've put myself in his shoes. If he does leave, i'll be the happiest girl in the world, but i'm not going to keep my hopes up. Although, he has never lied to me or given me false hope (I've been able to do that on my own), so maybe he truely means what he has said. There's only one way to find out, and i hope some day he does as he has said. If we do end up together, i know my daughter will have someone who adores her as much as i do, and someone who will love her as if she was his own. She is the most important person in my life, and i already know how he feels about her.
GreenEyedLady Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 SH-I feel very much like you. I would never give the ultimatum either. I want my MM to make the decision because that's what HE wants. I understand why OW do (give the ultimatum), but I want to know that he chose to be with me because that's what he truly wants. And if he never does that, then eventually our time together will come to an end...but until then, I enjoy what we do have...
lovelorcet Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 "My MM gives me money for her all the time. He'll hand me a few bills every now and again and tell me to go buy her some new clothes, or take her out for ice cream, or what not. She has met him on a few occassions, and she actually has a crush on him." If you would have said anything older then like 13 then I would have found that strange...
lovernotafighter Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 (((SH)))) your MM does sound wonderful, and you sound like your are very impressed with him your self. I hope he continues to make you happy and is a stand up man. of coarse after my latest experience I worry about your heart and hope it doesn't get broken. I am here for you to if you ever need me ~LNF
Author stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 (((SH)))) your MM does sound wonderful, and you sound like your are very impressed with him your self. I hope he continues to make you happy and is a stand up man. of coarse after my latest experience I worry about your heart and hope it doesn't get broken. I am here for you to if you ever need me ~LNF Thanks LNF........i'm worried about my heart as well, because if we don't work out, i will have a million little pieces to find and try to put back together. He is everything i've ever wanted in a man (except the married part of course) and more. He is truely an amazing person, and all his qualities seem to be in perfect balance. I never thought i could find someone so wonderful. And when i do, i'm stuck in the biggest pickel i've ever been in in my life! That's my luck! If it weren't for bad luck, i'd have no luck at all!!!! SH-I feel very much like you. I would never give the ultimatum either. I want my MM to make the decision because that's what HE wants. I understand why OW do (give the ultimatum), but I want to know that he chose to be with me because that's what he truly wants. And if he never does that, then eventually our time together will come to an end...but until then, I enjoy what we do have... That's the best way to fight any form of depression.......be happy with the present, cuz the guessing and worrying will kill you! I understand why others would give an ultimatum or go NC, and that is the best way most of the time, but all situations are different. Only you knows what's best for you.
Author stillhere Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 [quote=lovelorcet;916146 If you would have said anything older then like 13 then I would have found that strange... HAHA! I thought that was where you were going with that question! He is not a pedophile!
PoshPrincess Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 He is everything i've ever wanted in a man (except the married part of course) and more. He is truely an amazing person, and all his qualities seem to be in perfect balance. I never thought i could find someone so wonderful. That's so how I felt (and still feel about my MM). I had never found 'the one' and settled for second best before. Not intentionally, but I thought that was as good as it got - that maybe some were just more easily pleased than others. Then I met HIM and he turned my world upsidedown. That 'thing' that had always been missing before was there, and the same for him. As you say, "everything you've ever wanted (except the married part)"! I understand why others would give an ultimatum or go NC, and that is the best way most of the time, but all situations are different. Only you knows what's best for you. I felt the same way as you re ultimatums. I didn't want to force MM into a corner (maybe a bit scared of him choosing W nd not me?) Unfortunately W found out after four months and things kinda went downhill from there. I went through all sorts of emotions. I kept trying to go NC but he would beg to see me. I did it time and again and in the end I don't think he could handle it. Then the tables turned and he was the one who kept trying to go NC with me which broke my heart. We've now come to that decision jointly and it is v v hard. Whereas before he would promise me he would leave, now I am the one who's getting upset he won't make me any promises as says he doesn't want to f**k my head up anymore and has hurt enough people. He has told me I must try and get on with my life and that when he leaves it will be his loss if I have met someone else. Trouble is, the only way I could get on with my life would be if he said he didn't love me anymore and was staying with W, but he won't do that. Scared of losing me altogether maybe? Your MM sounds like a top guy and I seriously wish I had dealt with my relationship the way you seem to be dealing with yours. Then MM and I would probably still be having daily contact and meeting up when we can rather than both going through all this misery and heartache. Of course, he might be perfectly ok now for all I know but I certainly ain't. If he decided to stay would he even let me know? In hindsight I would've gone NC as soon as W found out and told him to only contact me once he's left but, as he said to me, hindsight's a wonderful thing......
Author stillhere Posted September 14, 2006 Author Posted September 14, 2006 I'm sorry it had to end that way for you Posh, but it would be easier for you if he would just tell you it's over so you can actually get on with your life. I told my MM this as well. If something was to happen with us, he has to tell me it's over and to leave him alone, so i don't have that little ray of hope hanging over my head thinking we'll get back together again. He couldn't promise me this, but he knows i will never let go of him if he doesn't do this. These R's are so difficult at times and emotionally draining, but yet they can be so rewarding as well. Just depends on how well you can handle it all! I'm not sure that if i gave him an ultimatum if he would choose her over me, it does sit in the back of my mind. But i think he would stay just to be stubborn. He likes to be in control. That may sound like a bad thing, but it's not. He balances his control very well. He doesn't tell me what i can or can't do, unless he fears that it will jeopardize my reputation, or me in some way. He likes control of his life, i guess is an easier way to put it. And an ultimatum is me telling him what to do. No one tells him what to do. Even at work, the bosses don't tell him what to do, he knows what needs to be done and he does it. Sometimes he even tells them what to do. So no, ultimatum is beyond out of the picture!!! It took a lot of trial and error to get where i am and how i feel about our situation. I've had many wonderful women helping me on this site and at LH, without them, i don't think i would be taking all this so well.
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