edastro4life Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I'm engaged to this women and when It was her daughters Birthday I pretty much went all out far as a gift and party for her. And even to make my fiance more comfortable at the party I decided not to go so that she wouldn't feel uncomfortable being around me and the baby daddy at the same time since we dont get along (not busy enough to stalk her but too busy to take care or see the kids, and constant threats too her early in the relationship) Now I wasn't expecting the same from her as far as gifts and party but I think she could at least called and said happy birthday. Now I'm thinking that it could have simply slipped her mind or It could be signs of selfishness where as she doesn't care because it seems like lately thats what I'm starting to see in her that she's a selfish person. And she doesn't like to do things if its not revolved around her. I'm so mad right now that I want to end the relationship am I jumping the gun or am I dead on with my assesment.
Yamaha Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I usually go with gut feelings. You are engaged and she forgot your birthday. You deserve an explanation but I don't think she can give you a good enough one.
magda Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Is it possible that she doesn't consider birthdays a big deal and didn't realize that you would be hurt if she didn't go out of her way for the occassion?
Author edastro4life Posted September 12, 2006 Author Posted September 12, 2006 oh i forgot to add it wasn't my birthday it was my son's and I'm the type of person thats not big on gifts so happy birthday is just fine with me. I think I'm more mad at the fact that I treat her kids as if they were my own. and I expect nothing less from her. I can understand this is the first time she's been in a relationship with a guy with kids so all this is new to her. But if my 80 year old grandmother can remember to call why can't she?
norajane Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 If she knew that it was your son's birthday, yes, it sounds selfish and inconsiderate since you made such an effort for her daughter's birthday. If you're starting to see signs of this in her, pay attention. Why sign up to a lifetime of that?
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 You two better have a talk. The fact you have gone out of your way to treat her daughter like her own and she won't do the same for your son, is a huge problem. Not only for you, but FOR your son. Geez, that poor kid, I could only imagine how he felt, seeing YOU do so much for his soon to be step sister and then it's HIS bday and his soon to be step mom doesn't lift a finger and she forgets his birtdahy. That really fricken sucks! If this is a woman you want to spend the rest of your life with, this stuff has to be sorted out. She is selfish and MUST put the kids before her own needs.
RecordProducer Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Subconsciously she doesn't accept your son. Women are usually very jealous of their partners' children. My ex and I divorced because of his daughter. Not all women are the same, but since she forgot his B/day, it could be the case with her. Anyway, perhaps she never wrote it anywhere and you never mentioned it. Personally, I think it's chuildish of you to wait and see if she remembers. I totally can't conceive this "he forgot our anniversary." What's wrong with reminding someone if you already know they love you? Anyhoo... in this case the important thing is whether she treats your son the right way or not and how do you think they will relate once you're married? How old is your son?
Author edastro4life Posted September 12, 2006 Author Posted September 12, 2006 Anyway, perhaps she never wrote it anywhere and you never mentioned it. Personally, I think it's chuildish of you to wait and see if she remembers. I totally can't conceive this "he forgot our anniversary." What's wrong with reminding someone if you already know they love you I reminded her the day before. My son turned 11 He didn't mention anything but for some reason this just bothers me. even when I talked to her on the phone today i didn't want it to seem to my son that i had to make her say happy Birthday but she knew cause we even discussed what I should get him as a gift. And it's just little stuff thats adding up or should I say building up the frustration and we talked about me thinking that she's selfish before and her best answer was "she grew up as an only child so she didn't have to share or everything was about always about her when she was little" in which I don't buy that excuse.
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I usually don't tell people to just end it, but your future wife's response "she grew up as an only child so she didn't have to share or everything was about always about her when she was little" is pure bullcrap!! This is HER way of letting you know that your son is not as important to her as her own daughter. Because of this, the marriage won't work, let alone last long. End it now because she isn't going to change. You must think of your son and his well being. He needs a stepmom who is going to love him and treat him as he deserves, like a son!! This woman isn't capable of that. Which, in turn WILL affect your relationship with her. She isn't willing to 'blend' the kids together to make a happy, healthy family unit.
norajane Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 And it's just little stuff thats adding up or should I say building up the frustration and we talked about me thinking that she's selfish before and her best answer was "she grew up as an only child so she didn't have to share or everything was about always about her when she was little" in which I don't buy that excuse. That's her 'best' answer? I'm sorry, but I think you know what you need to do here. Her true colors are coming out, and you and your son are going to suffer for it if you marry her.
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