sloane Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 not sure where to post this... my birthday was saturday. my boyfriend and i fought half the day over our perceptions of my birthday present. history: we have been together for 8 months, and are pretty inseparable. the relationship is serious, and though we have had our ups and downs, our arguments are about us as a couple dealing with our individual problems (he has severe ADD and i have eating disorders. i know. it sounds like psycho-ville so far, right? i just want to keep my post under 1000 pages.) we are not kids-he's 25, i'm 27. there is so much love in this relationship, but the relationship itself is hard work...but we feel that it is worth the hard work. the future looks bright-we are each working through our problems and are both back in college (we met when we were both on the verge of being completely sick of our issues keeping us from personal success.) back to the birthday gift. at about 2am saturday we got home from our night out and i opened my bag to find a nice frame with a collage of pictures of us. my first feeling was one of disappointment. i got a framed photo of us for valentine's day. when i think of "gift from SO" i think of something i can use or have with me as often as possible, a way to have the person with me as i go through my day. i thought he knew i would like a replacement (even more special b/c it came from him) of a necklace or ring i lost this summer (nothing expensive. sterling silver stuff i had purchased for myself.) i guess some weird thing in me thinks such things are meaningful. i didn't want anything expensive (diamonds...platinum...whatever.) i wanted something that he picked out, that reminded him of me, and that i could look at and think of him. wow, i screwed up. i guess in my world, where i grew up, "seriousness" of a relationship is shown in such ways. i guess he knows me well, because as he saw my face he looked like he was going to cry and asked if he "did okay." i guess i just felt that he hadn't heard anything i had said, didn't take me seriously. after talking about it too much, we are fine...he knows i love my gift and that i was freaked because frankly, i have never had anyone do anything like that for me before. i don't even think i have been close enough to anyone to amass that many photos to use. but i still feel like ****, for acting like an unappreciative child, for making him cry. through hard work my eating disorder was finally somewhere close to "not active" but i have been doing nothing but bingeing for 2 days. bingeing, crying, skipping class, skipping the yoga class i usually love and attend at least once a day, and staying in bed feeling some inexplicable sadness and depression. i just needed to get all this out. i cannot believe i am capable of hurting someone i love so much. he has probably all but forgotten about it (knowing how his brain works) but i need to stop feeling so guilty.
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