Gunny376 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Gee, Lor, I would think that after what you've been through with men, you'd have a full criminal, credit background check, with forty references and in depth physchological workup? And, that's just the first date.
Author Lor Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 Gee, Lor, I would think that after what you've been through with men, you'd have a full criminal, credit background check, with forty references and in depth physchological workup? And, that's just the first date. Guess I'm just too damn trusting, Gunny. 'Sides, what I've gone thru with men is nothing compared to what some women/men have gone thru. Flyinghigh ~ thanks for the advice, although in a way I'm slightly offended, even though I know that wasn't your intent. I don't plan on having a revolving door of men coming in and out of my kids lives. I wasn't even planning on this one. I'd been seeing him for a month before he met my kids ~ although the 16 & 17 yr olds knew about him. I was very nervous about my 8 yr old, since he said he hated him already, and my daughter, well, she's shy. I figured the best way for them to meet was when I took the kids to the amusement park for a day thru my work. They would be happy, somewhat distracted, and in a good mood. Better than staring at each other over the table for the first time meeting. Before too long, my 8 yr old was talking to him like a friend and my daughter was holding his hand. He didn't try to intergrate himself, he was just being himself. I'm planning on keeping this one, as long as nothing goes wrong.
Gunny376 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I don't plan on having a revolving door of men coming in and out of ....................life If I'd been born a woman, I'd been a slut!
FlyingHigh Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Guess I'm just too damn trusting, Gunny. 'Sides, what I've gone thru with men is nothing compared to what some women/men have gone thru. Flyinghigh ~ thanks for the advice, although in a way I'm slightly offended, even though I know that wasn't your intent. I'm planning on keeping this one, as long as nothing goes wrong. Lor, comment about my former GF was not directed at you nor intended to offend you. Sorry that you were offended. "Revolving door" is an extreme example, but it happens. Important thing is that you know this isn't what you want. Sometimes it "can" happen to the best people without realizing that it does more harm than good to kids. Part of it is the desire to be loved and wanted, not the mention the idea of having a man around the house. Add a natural characteristic of being "too trusting", it can happen...like I said to the best and kind hearted people. Just be careful is all I'm saying. This is the same advice I gave to my sister. Kids want to see their parents happy. I'm sure your kids are no exception. To kids, meeting the "first" man in their mother's life represents a hallmark event. Even if the man is represented as just a "friend", you can't control how kids will look at the guy. And then when the guy comes around a few more times, they start looking at him as more than just "Mom's friend." If that doesn't work and a second guy is introduced down the road, while it has less of an impact on them than the first, they may look at this new guy, as another Mom's BF. There's no telling what kids will think of... The other advice I gave to my sister was take some time for yourself and kids without a guy. Learn to be by yourself for a little while and see what you can do or accomplish "on your own". And, don't jump into the first relationship that comes your way. Learn from the one you had so that you can free yourself from guilt, anger, resentment and insecurities before you can fully give yourself to the next person. ....alright....that was more than one advice I gave her. She managed to buy her own place which she never thought imagined possible. She's been dating this new guy for five months exclusively. He's divorced with 2 kids. But both decided to wait to introduce their respected kids to each other until they are certain that their relationship leads to a potential marriage. So, as I tell my own sister....just take it slow. If you're not sure about the longevity of this relationship (too early to tell), be careful that neither one of you are "rebound" for each other. With fresh wounds from both your previous relationship, it can be difficult to look at your situation rationally because it's buried deeply in emotions. Take care of yourself first. Your kids will notice it.
FlyingHigh Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 I don't plan on having a revolving door of men coming in and out of ....................life If I'd been born a woman, I'd been a slut! And I'd bet you'd be hot! LOL!
Author Lor Posted October 27, 2006 Author Posted October 27, 2006 Well, as far as learning to be on my own: I bought my own house in Feb '06; 3 bedroom with a full basement. Started working on it; took 3 large trash containers to remove everything. Tore out and replaced all the plumbing. Tore out the carpeting thru-out ~ hardwood floors underneath ~ beautiful. Took out and replaced the commode. Took out and replaced the sink in the bathroom with a pedistal. Gutted the walls in the bathroom and redid them. Built a built-in medicine cabinet ~ still working on the doors. Took out the closet and rebuilt it smaller for the bathroom. Tiled the bathroom floor and tub, cutting my own pattern. Took out all the cabinets in the kitchen. Tiled the kitchen floor, cutting my own pattern. Have built 3 cabinets so far for the kitchen walls, one of which has slats for plates ~ really neat. Bought lower cabinets and counter for the kitchen. Put in my own kitchen sink. Have redone the majority of the electric in the house, replacing the old with new up to code wiring and GFI's. Replaced all the lights in the house. Fixed my roof when it started to leak. I tore out a wall between my bedroom and the bedroom next to it. Rebuilt the wall into a full-length closet in my room. Built a wall in the basement, making a room for my two oldest boys ~ not quite done yet but getting there. Painted the back bedroom for myself and my 2 little kids right now Learned how to change my own oil in my SUV and am going to learn how to give it tune-up pretty quick. My FIL helped me gut the bathroom, the X helped rip out the old galvanized plumbing ~ I did the rest myself. Things I still need to do: refinish my hardwood floors finish my cabinets painting thru-out install the flooring in the basement reinsulate the ceiling in the basement build a better ferret cage build my closets in the basement I've done all this while being depressed for months, working full-time, taking care of my kids, making new friends, going out every now and then, and somehow finding a wonderful guy who only wants me to be me...... I have met other men so he wasn't the first. I think I'm strong enough for whatever happens in my life and won't let my life affect my kids lives too much. I know what I feel and I know what my head and my heart tell me about this guy and I'm gonna trust it cuz if I don't try, I'll never know and could lose the one man who is meant to make me happy. And there are several people who have commented on how much happier I am, before I met him and how really happy I am now.
PWSX3 Posted October 27, 2006 Posted October 27, 2006 Well I know who to call if I need any work done on my place that's for sure. Seriously, doesn't it feel good when you can do things for yourself? I know I hate to pay people to do things I know I can do, plus I take my time to make sure it's done right. I'm glad to hear you are so handy with your hands, just think how much more you will appreciate your house!!!
FlyingHigh Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 You go girl!!! You're doing mighty fine!!! Good for you!!! Hey, have you ever thought of doing what you did to your house for a living? Sounds like you've got a handle of things. Lord knows there isn't enough women contractors out there! Hey, maybe....just maybe you might have found yourself another or second career... Heck, thanks to LS, you'll get a lot of clients! :D
Author Lor Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 Yeah, it feels wonderful to be able to do all this stuff by myself, things that I thought I could do but never had the chance to try. The X used to ignore me when I said I wanted to learn how to use his woodworking equip, mainly cuz that was "his domain". I aced shop classes in school and failed home-ec. Now, I don't have anyone telling me what I can and can't do; I've screwed up some things but that's all in the learning curve. As far as doing it for a living? Naw, I make really good money at my "real" job. Lucky for me I'm in Engineering and work for an electric co so I've got handy advice at my fingertips for the electric part. Oh yeah, add to the list changing out the old existing bus fuse box with a new subpanel breaker box..... My house? I like my house, can't wait to finish it, then I probably going to sell it and move farther away so I'm not on a direct path that the X takes to get to work. He knows when I'm late getting up and when I'm not home ~ not something I care for him to be privy to ~ its my life not his anymore.
PWSX3 Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 Naw, I make really good money at my "real" job. Lucky for me I'm in Engineering and work for an electric co so I've got handy advice at my fingertips for the electric part. Oh yeah, add to the list changing out the old existing bus fuse box with a new subpanel breaker box..... If you had a bus fuse box then it was an old house, but I would rather fix up an old house then buy one they throw together now. I work at a electrical supply house so we have a little in common. Only part of electricity that I know is if you touch it, it will bite you!!!
FlyingHigh Posted October 28, 2006 Posted October 28, 2006 It took me awhile to figure out where the fuse box was. Duh? The old homes have them outside! I love old homes. We bought a 1932 Spanish charmer with all the original tiles and wood floors. Would love to change/update the electrical wiring. Tried to change the kitchen outlet, LOL, got a little shock....no I didn't turn off the fuse box! Ha!!! Learned by trial and error. ...OF course, will wait until divorce is final and see if I'll get the house and turn the house into what I want. My STB cheating X was pretty good with "Yeah, I'll have to fix that one of these days...:":sick: but never got around do it. He was too busy living his secret double life. He was a "basic" handy man. He bought a lot of tools, but never used much of them. They just looked "pretty" in the garage. Last weekend, I learned how to mow the lawn!! Took me half hour to figure it out, but I did it. Now, I'll save $30 a month on a gardener! Plus, I get an excercise out of it! I know the feeling about freedom...feels really good....
Author Lor Posted October 28, 2006 Author Posted October 28, 2006 Actually it was funny cuz they had rewired the house a while ago, moving the main over to a new pnl box, but instead of moving and replacing the original bus fuse box, they jumpered from the new to the old. Not a good idea! The internet is a great source for how-to and do-it-yourself stuff. The guys at Lowe's got to know me by site, and I only heard a couple of times, "Who's your contractor, honey?" Its so cute when those 20 somethings helping load the truck with drywall drop their jaws when I grab the other end and tell em to get r done. How do they think I get it in the house when I get home? lol It surprises them that I can lift as much as I do for my size: 5'-6" and 114 lbs, but can lift at least 170 lbs. Yep, feels good to be the "man of the house".
Author Lor Posted October 31, 2006 Author Posted October 31, 2006 The office gossip just found out yesterday about my impending divorce when my co-worker let it slip about my new BF....got an email from another friend on another floor that he'd come up to her and asked her about it. She let on like she didn't know. so of course, what do my co-workers do but start harrassing me bout how this guy is gonna be trying to come on to me since I'm now on the market. Oh jeez! I'd rather drink vomit.... lol! He fancies himself a ladies man, and is rather strange.....first time he met me he made a comment about women in high heels (I work in a man dominated field). I had found out that I took his place when he took another position. So after the high heel comment I thanked him for making me look so good in my new job. That was the end of that conversation........ Figure if he bugs me too much about it I'll just start crying and that'll make him stop. anyone else have something like this happen that they tried to keep quiet?
dgiirl Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 omg, i couldnt keep it quiet for the life of me. I'm such a cry baby and probably told too many ppl too soon. I was very lucky to have an amazing group of friends tho and none of the guys hit on me. They wanted to beat my exh up, but they didnt hit on me
PWSX3 Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 I work with all guys at our branch and the only thing they said was; when is the party and go out and have a good time your single now. No I'm separated.. So thankfully I can come here and get the good help I need.
ilmw Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 The office gossip just found out yesterday about my impending divorce when my co-worker let it slip about my new BF....got an email from another friend on another floor that he'd come up to her and asked her about it. She let on like she didn't know. so of course, what do my co-workers do but start harrassing me bout how this guy is gonna be trying to come on to me since I'm now on the market. Oh jeez! I'd rather drink vomit.... lol! He fancies himself a ladies man, and is rather strange.....first time he met me he made a comment about women in high heels (I work in a man dominated field). I had found out that I took his place when he took another position. So after the high heel comment I thanked him for making me look so good in my new job. That was the end of that conversation........ Figure if he bugs me too much about it I'll just start crying and that'll make him stop. anyone else have something like this happen that they tried to keep quiet? I managed to keep it quite from April to October... When I came back from my trip/Holidays.. it had some how gotten out.... I had to put on a brave face for all those months.. Now that it is out there.. I am already used to the idea of being seperated... so all the questions... and concerned looks from other members.. were easy to handle.... But.... I still to this day.... sometimes go off by myself... just to get my **** together... get the game face back on... and get stuck back in with trying to solve societies problems... I'll tell you this... over the past several months.. I sometimes don't know how I have managed to keep my head on... when I have had to deal with people going through marital break ups... but NOT HANDLING IT I A WISE MANNER... and they go off and do something realy stupid... like get their arses arrested..... I dealt with one fella who had a very similar story to mine.... but decided to stalk his wife and harrass her.. which ended up getting his but arrested... It was a real (GOOD) example of what not to do.... Needless to say.. I got him put away.... Had to maintain a real good game face for that.... but all through that "matter".. I kept being drawn into comparisons.... How easily things could have become worse if I had not done the things suggested on LS and from allot of the material I had read up to that date.... ... Ummm what were we talking about.... (bad habit of mine.... going off on a tangent... ..... ) Happy Halloween....
CryingCanuck Posted October 31, 2006 Posted October 31, 2006 Many in my office knew what was happening, I work in a fairly small office and our desks at times feel like they are stacked one on top of each other. Also wearing your emotions on your sleeve really doesn't help much either. I can't fo the life of me understand how some people think that because you're going through a tough time it's open season on you but it takes all kinds right? Life sometimes just sucks and I guess we have to roll with the punches. Tonight is answering door, giving out candy and trying to catch some of MTL getting their Butts whipped by my beloved Sens....Sorry ilmw but never been a big Leaf fan ever since Ballard kick the bucket. Happy Halloween LOR Happy Halloween Gunny Happy Halloween Dgirl Happy Halloween ilmw Happy Halloween LJ And to those I missed, my fingers got tired from typing HH Ohh Happy Halloween John-boy Happy Halloween Mary-Ellen oooops wrong show..... Anyway to all Drive safely tonight, there are going to be a ton of kids out there.....
ilmw Posted November 1, 2006 Posted November 1, 2006 Many in my office knew what was happening, I work in a fairly small office and our desks at times feel like they are stacked one on top of each other. Also wearing your emotions on your sleeve really doesn't help much either. I can't fo the life of me understand how some people think that because you're going through a tough time it's open season on you but it takes all kinds right? Life sometimes just sucks and I guess we have to roll with the punches. Tonight is answering door, giving out candy and trying to catch some of MTL getting their Butts whipped by my beloved Sens....Sorry ilmw but never been a big Leaf fan ever since Ballard kick the bucket. Happy Halloween LOR Happy Halloween Gunny Happy Halloween Dgirl Happy Halloween ilmw Happy Halloween LJ And to those I missed, my fingers got tired from typing HH Ohh Happy Halloween John-boy Happy Halloween Mary-Ellen oooops wrong show..... Anyway to all Drive safely tonight, there are going to be a ton of kids out there..... :lmao: ... I stop watching Hockey hard core back in the mid 80's... when I moved to the UK and "joined up" When I came back to CANADA (YeaH) I always wondered why I could never realy get into a Leafs game..?? Then one night I was watching th MTL Candians play some other team... and I found myself cheering them on... then I remembered ... all through my childhood... I was a Canadians fan.... (but.... sshhhhhh... this is Leafs teritory )....hahahah:lmao: :lmao: (No one shall know... or I'll be like the kid with the dunce cap on in the corner... the one no one will talk to...) GOOOOOO... Canadians.. (HABS RULE).... Have fun tonight....
Author Lor Posted November 1, 2006 Author Posted November 1, 2006 Happy Halloween to everyone!! Jeez, don't know how many times someone said they liked my mask and I had to remind them I wasn't wearing one. No kids came to the door and I missed my kids tonight ~ the X's week, and besides since the stupid IN legislature decided to put us on daylight saving time, I wouldn't have made it home in time to even see them anyway. But the X said he'd take pictures. As far as the other subject, the only ones who did know what was going on with me were the co-workers right around me ~ great guys! they felt so bad for what I was going thru, and some others who noticed that something wasn't right. Otherwise it was about 10 months into the deal before some knew that something was going on with me....the office gossip I didn't want to know cuz he would latch onto it and I'd never hear the end of it. he found out I got a vacuum cleaner for Christmas one year and he brings it up about a dozen times a year now. then again, he may surprise me and walk on eggshells about it. I'm actually very open about the breakup now and am fine with it. I don't bash the X (or only a little when he does something stupid again) and am probably boring people to tears about the new guy! Boo! Happy Halloween!
Author Lor Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 Update time....... Well, we had to attend Children Cope With Divorce class this past weekend, and jeez, I think they need to include people getting separated into that too; gives some pretty good insight as to what kids go thru at different ages. Had to or can get divorced on the 15th of December. The X and I talked here and there ~ we sat next to each other. I don't hate him, just have no feelings for him anymore. Which is nice ~ makes everything very business like. I have had to get on my older two about making comments about X in front of the two little ones. Like I'd told them ~ he is their father ~ always will be ~ and that they'd better not trash him cuz little ears hear a lot ~ and they love both of us. My daughter put it very nicely: {her} I like Dad's house cuz he has the TV and the computer. I like your house cuz you have the kitties and the ferrets but I'd rather live with you all the time. {me} Don't tell your Dad that, it would hurt his feelings. {her} Oh, I know, its our secret. and she's only 5. Then we talked about my BF, and how he'd made it clear that, no matter what we end up doing, my kid's already have a father and he wouldn't try to replace him in that regard, would never ask them to call him Dad. X said he would hold the same thing true towards me. X did get kinda a funny look on his face when I mentioned if we were to get M in the future, like it surprised and upset him a little. Well, tough if that's the case ~ he had his chance, he blew it, and my BF is a wonderful caring sexy smart confident guy who treats me like I'm everything.....why would I want to go back to so-so when I have this? and no wedding bells, so no one yell at me! I have a loooonnnnngggg way to go before even considering that. I need to get to the point where I believe that M is only a paper, not the reality.
Author Lor Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 This is my BF; he does all this and more. This should be a checklist for all relationships...... Im the guy who will text you every single morning and tell you good morning and every single night to tell you sweet dreams. Im the guy who will hold you when you're crying and wipe away your tears. Im the guy who still thinks you're beautiful with no makeup on, wearing sweats and a big t-shirt. Im the guy who won't pressure you to do things you dont want to. Im the guy who will show up at your house with soup and a movie when you aren't feeling well. Im the guy who kisses you on the forehead. I'm the guy who'll randomly tickle you just to hear you giggle. Im the guy who doesnt kiss and tell. Im the guy who actually listens to you when you talk. Im the guy who's excited all day because im looking forward to our date that night. Im the guy who is content to just be able to hold you and wants nothing more. I'm the guy who can't help but smile when you walk into the room. I'm the guy who'll say i love you first because i'm not afraid to say it. Im the guy who's perfectly content with staying in and watching movies and cuddling. Im the guy who won't lie to you about where he's going or where he's been or who he's been with. Im the guy who gets butterflies when he hears your name. I'm the guy who's not afraid to tell his friends he loves you. Im the guy who doesnt mess with other girls when i have you. Im the guy who doesn't care about your imperfections and loves you more for them. I'm the guy who will hold you while we watch the sunset. I'M THE GUY WHO REALLY WANTS TO MAKE YOU THE HAPPIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD.
dgiirl Posted November 21, 2006 Posted November 21, 2006 Missed you girl!! I'm happy to hear things are still going strong with the new guy You so deserve it!
Author Lor Posted November 21, 2006 Author Posted November 21, 2006 thx!! :bunny: still hoppin' the bunnies! everything isn't all roses; we were planning on spending Thanksgiving together but now can't since my 5 yr old is almost over her ringworm ~ gave up trying to figure out from where and just trying to help her get rid of it ~ and BF best friend who lives with him has a low immune system and can't take the risk of getting it. I won't be able to see him till at least Fri, maybe not till next Tue, maybe not even till she does her follow-up dr appt which is the 11th of Dec (I think)....but I'm not talking about it, not rehashing it, not stressing over it ~ now anyway. I talked to my personal Dr. Phil here at work yesterday and she told me to just chill, relax, and when he's finally fed up with his paranoid friend, he'll come to me. Even the lady at the Board of Health asked how he functions on a day to day basis. Its not funny ~ he needs to be careful but c'mon...if not one of us has gotten it in 3-4 weeks, somehow I don't think we will and can't spread it. okay, off the soap box.... Another great piece of news; I won a drawing here at work and got free health care premiums for the 2007 year!! Wow baby! That's anywhere from $114 to $150 a month back in my pocket! Can't believe it; I never win anything. The X still has to pay for co-payments and prescriptions thou on the kids. hehehe.....
Author Lor Posted December 15, 2006 Author Posted December 15, 2006 Can only stay on a minute ~ completely swamped here at work ~ that's why I haven't been on for a while....... I..Am..Single!! :bunny: He didn't show up for court, I had everything anyway, the judge said it all looked very good and was signing the papers as I walked out the door. exH actually had the nerve to say "You sound happy" when I called to let him know...still playing games. But not on me anymore! I feel just a tiny, miniscule drop of depression ~ 10 yrs of a relationship gone in a sweep of the pen.... But that won't last when I meet my co-workers for a celebration drink after work, and the BF will be there, too....
dgiirl Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Good luck on your next chapter Lor!! You deserve it! I'm still waiting for my little certificate in the mail, but it was suppose to be official last month too I cannot wait until I can stop saying "I'm separated"
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