Lor Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Hey all! Long time since I posted my own thread so I'm gonna crow a little bit! :bunny: :bunny: First off, thank you thank you thank you to all who listened to me whine and cry about the demise of my marriage. I never would have made it without all the people on here! Kisses to all! :love: :love: Do I sound happy? You bet! They tell me at work they need sunglasses cuz I glow so much these days. I started making some new friends and am now.....gasp!.....dating!! Oh I know, too soon right? Not if you know where your head is, your heart is, and keep it on the slow track. I laugh and say its not love, its infatuation and lust. Hehehe Also, told him I don't love him, am not moving in with him and certainly not marrying him.....his response? okay. I have met a man who is so sweet, so good. He even deliberately puts me farthest away from the road when we're walking so if anyone gets hit it won't be me. And he's very real! so real! The grass is sometimes greener and mine is a vibrant, sparkling emerald at this point. He cooks, he cleans, he likes my ferrets and my cats, he has the same sense of humor, doesn't drink much (I actually drink more than him--such a lush!), is intelligent and oh so cute! We talk so much and laugh, oh how we laugh. For those of you who don't know my story--I'll sum up my marriage very simply; when I would be sick, my X would say don't worry about the house, the dishes will still be there tomorrow, as he was walking out the door, leaving me with the kids....why did I ever love this man? All I can say, and I can't believe this is me saying this after the hell I went thru, I'm so glad he left me!! Al, Erika, dgiirl and to all....there is life on the other side! And its beautiful! :bunny: :bunny: :bunny:
Author Lor Posted September 12, 2006 Author Posted September 12, 2006 Guess I came across as too happy for this place..... What? No congrats?!? Mz. P, why aren't you on here telling me I'm moving way too fast? LJ, any words of advice on how not to screw this one up? Gunny? Oh, c'mon Gunny, I know you have got something to say! Look, I'm not marrying the guy, don't even love him. Please, someone on here tell me your happy for me?
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I'm glad your happy I like how you formated your writing, with !!! and you must be illuminating the whole room! Now what is lust and love? your ex husband?
Author Lor Posted September 12, 2006 Author Posted September 12, 2006 Thank you, BJ! I've heard the UV is killing everyone... Love? not in it right now and not too terribly interested. I loved my X, with all my heart and soul but have come to realize that if he had treated me good, I wouldn't have reacted the way I had over the years and hence he wouldn't have reacted to my actions. Sounds confusing? Sure is. Does that excuse my actions? Never and not one bit, but I have learned from my mistakes and once I actually started taking heed to the advice given on here, life was much clearer. Lust? Oh, no, I'm not goin' there....
PWSX3 Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Lor I had a question for you and sorry if this is off subject. When you and your H were going thru the ruff stuff was he ever willing to work things out? Sounds like you loved him and would have done anything to make it work. I guess the reason I ask is because I am the person most woman on here are running away from (you can read my thread), the controlling male but I also see how the W was shy and wouldn't speak up (passive I think is the word) for herself so I guess those two don't make for a good marriage. Anyway I am trying to change and I also want to change so that is why I ask!! Back on subject: Congrats on what you have done and it is good you are dating again. No you don't have to be in love with the first person you date, you figure you have to get your feet wet again and it sounds like you are doing just that. Start slow and just see what happens and the little I have learnd is just have fun!!!!
Author Lor Posted September 12, 2006 Author Posted September 12, 2006 To answer your question, there was a moment in there once or twice where he made an effort but not a whole-hearted concentrated one. I did try everything to make it work but one person alone cannot save a marriage or make it work--there has to be two who give completely to it. And communication is so key to all of it. I'll read your thread and maybe I can give some advice on changing.... Thanks for the thanks! Lor
Author Lor Posted September 12, 2006 Author Posted September 12, 2006 Well, I skimmed thru part of your initial thread (whew, longgggg!) You have been getting some very solid advice! Imo, what you need to do is to let your wife learn about herself, learn how to be independent, but still with your support. Does she do her own bills yet? If not, let you know you are willing to help her learn--not show her how to do it. And for goodness sake, take a breath and think before you open your mouth to her! She doesn't need to hear from you what's wrong with her--I'm sure she knows. My first X told me I couldn't cook, so I never did. Guess what? I'm a heck of a cook now. Don't tell her what's wrong with her, tell her what's right about her! what you did may not have been physical abuse but it is emotional which is just as damaging. So let the poor woman learn how to do for herself, to learn, to fly on her own for a while. When and if she comes back she will be more confident in herself, have some self-esteem. When you see her, tell her she looks great--that is a big one. You and Terri have a chance, but take it slow and work on yourself primarily. If you want to control something, keep learning how to control yourself. Kudos to you for learning about yourself and trying to change!!
dgiirl Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Oh Lor, I'm away on a business trip so I cant type much. But I am sooo happy for you sweetie Rock it on girl Just dont get too attached too soon. If you can manage that, then keep on smiling baby We both have been through SOOO much heartache, you totally deserve to glow and bask in the happiness for a while!!
PWSX3 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Thanks Lor and it is good to hear when someone can talk about a good thing after everything they have been thru. Sure not all stories end the same way nor are all situations the same but it sounds like you are moving on in a very positive way and maybe if I stick around and get all this great suport I'll be able to tell my story. Like someone told me everything will turn out O.K. it just might not be how you wanted it to be but it still can be good. Like I said before just have fun!!! and yes you can wear jeans and eat pizza on a date THANKS!!
Author Lor Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 Thanks Dgiirl!! I didn't think I would ever be able to be truely happy again after the past year but it has happened. It is so sweet to hear someone tell you "miss you babe". Now the next step is to relearn how to trust and find out what love really is, since I thought I had it but didn't. The trust thing is going to come first I believe. Okay, I'm throwing the proverbial bouquet and you just caught it, girl! You're next cuz I know you're not searchin' either!
kitesurfer Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 congratulations on finding a new man! i'm new here as in a couple of days so i'm not familiar with your story--except for this thread, which i can relate too. my wife "ran away" 18 weeks ago. i sat at home and blamed myself, went to counseling, exercised, tried to get a life. but finally i "allowed" myself to meet someone 2 weeks ago. she is making me happy for sure. i can relate to your elation! enjoy!
DieselPWR Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Go Lor:D, I was actually wondering how you were. Reading your post brightened my day. I am so happy for you. Its kind of cool when you start coming out of your funk, isn't it? I have recently started to reflect back on the last few months, and am amazed on how much better I feel; so I know how you feel. I have recently been on a few dates myself. Nothing serious, but starting to see the other side of life. I wish you the best of luck; and he likes the ferrets :bunny: COOL!! Best of luck to you. Have fun!! By the way, if Dgirl gets the bouquet, I am going to fight for that garter!!! I actrually have a date Sat, a girl I met via <gasp> internet. We have been in touch for a few weeks, and we are going to dinner sat. The bad part? She lives 4 hours from here, but only an hour from my folks. You mentioned what you had missed, like someone saying "I miss you" How bout something as simple as having a really deep, intellectual conversation without being judged or "one-bettered"; something I have really missed. Thanks for all your help getting through my situation, you have been a rock in the storm, and I cannot express my gratitude towards you, and all the rest of the gang here at LS. Don't be a stranger :-) Me
Author Lor Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 Thanks Me and Kitesurfer!! I met mine via (gasp) internet also--and never expected anything but friendship. But when the sparks fly.... I'm so glad to hear you are coming out of your funk, me. Life is much brighter, isn't it? Yeah, he likes the ferrets, even with the comment of "they do kind of smell, don't they? " Oh, yes, my poor little loves do smell but they are adorable. Dating is petrifying, isn't it?? As for your date, just be yourself, and don't talk too much about your "past" life, and if you do cuz she'll probably ask your story, just keep it light and nonchalant. they don't really want to hear our sob stories. I had men tell me how much they make a year just cuz I didn't ask--even when I'd try to stop them from telling me. It's really none of my business unless they're gonna cut me a check. And this guy, I like his attitude about it; doesn't care how much I make and isn't gonna tell me how much he makes. I like that. and deep, intellectual conversations? Keeping it light and fun so none so far except about different things we're working on for work but that's good, too. He is smart so it's not like I'm gonna be talking to a dimwit when the time comes. haha kitesurfer, take it slowwwww....18 weeks is not very long at all and you don't want to drag anyone into a "rebound" relationship. But good for you on working on a new life!! stranger? me? naw, I like helping others and if I can help someone not go thru the hell we've been thru or to make it easier for them, then I will. ....winding up with the garter..... ....it's in the air!.... .....and, whoa, Diesel makes a daring grab.... ....does he have it?....... ...he's got it, folks!!.....
Gunny376 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Hey all! Long time since I posted my own thread so I'm gonna crow a little bit! :bunny: :bunny: First off, thank you thank you thank you to all who listened to me whine and cry about the demise of my marriage. I never would have made it without all the people on here! Kisses to all! :love: :love: Do I sound happy? You bet! They tell me at work they need sunglasses cuz I glow so much these days. I started making some new friends and am now.....gasp!.....dating!! Oh I know, too soon right? Not if you know where your head is, your heart is, and keep it on the slow track. I laugh and say its not love, its infatuation and lust. Hehehe Also, told him I don't love him, am not moving in with him and certainly not marrying him.....his response? okay. I have met a man who is so sweet, so good. He even deliberately puts me farthest away from the road when we're walking so if anyone gets hit it won't be me. And he's very real! so real! The grass is sometimes greener and mine is a vibrant, sparkling emerald at this point. He cooks, he cleans, he likes my ferrets and my cats, he has the same sense of humor, doesn't drink much (I actually drink more than him--such a lush!), is intelligent and oh so cute! We talk so much and laugh, oh how we laugh. For those of you who don't know my story--I'll sum up my marriage very simply; when I would be sick, my X would say don't worry about the house, the dishes will still be there tomorrow, as he was walking out the door, leaving me with the kids....why did I ever love this man? All I can say, and I can't believe this is me saying this after the hell I went thru, I'm so glad he left me!! Al, Erika, dgiirl and to all....there is life on the other side! And its beautiful! :bunny: :bunny: :bunny: You're still suppose to wandering around for days in your PJ's, old torn terry cloth bathrobe, and fuzzy slipppers, trying to find hidden bottles of tequila, feeling sorry for yourself! What gives you the right to be so happy, and hopping around like a bunny!" Great to hear your getting along so well! It really is just a matter of realizing that you ~ yourself holds the keys that will set you free!
kitesurfer Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 rebound!!!! yea, i've read up on rebound relationships some....goods and bads...latest research has determined that rebound is nothing to be concerned about. it all depends on you..or Me in my case. am i ready for a serious relationship?? who knows??? my new squeeze says take it a day at a time. a "miss you" text msg give my life new meaning!!!! in my case, i've had 5 years since my 1st dear john "email" so i've been in somewhat of a protection mode for awhile. then this past feb came the affair evidence...and then her walk away wife syndrome in may. she's dragging out the divorce procedings as a revenge i think, all things considered. as for new squeeze--match.com!!! many emails followed by phone con's. thurs dinner, sat helped her move a couple items, sun a canoe trip from 8am till 1130pm including travel time. and tomorrow morning early, we head for a 4 day camping trip to the nc mountains. two week anniversary tomorrow. lots of talking and getting to know one another. definite chemistry for sure...but....one day at a time!
dgiirl Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 lol I'm catching those damn flowers!!!! Funny story, at my wedding, one of my girl friends caught my bouquet, and a week later she met the man she eventually married. I keep asking her for those flowers back, they seem to be lucky lol Go with it Lor. Keep having fun
Author Lor Posted September 14, 2006 Author Posted September 14, 2006 You're still suppose to wandering around for days in your PJ's, old torn terry cloth bathrobe, and fuzzy slipppers, trying to find hidden bottles of tequila, feeling sorry for yourself! What gives you the right to be so happy, and hopping around like a bunny!" Great to hear your getting along so well! It really is just a matter of realizing that you ~ yourself holds the keys that will set you free! :lmao: What would we do without you, Gunny? And it was laying in bed, crying for days till my eyes were swollen almost shut, chain smoking all day and half the night, Smirnoff Ice 12 pack, wondering what the hell happened, how did it happen, why won't he listen, why is he doing this, and damn it! I don't deserve this! :sick: Thank goodness that's all over. It is sooooo nice to be in control again, to be able to think. Me and the hunk are taking things day by day--he's been divorced twice (they both cheated on him), no kids, and he told me last night that we'll both work to keep the spark always lit. YHe's as surprised as I am about our "relationship". You know, I wouldn't want to be with someone who's never been married--hopefully they'd learned how they screwed up and how to never do it again. Me? I've never taking anyone for granted ever again. I'm gonna make those bunnies hop for a long time! :bunny: :bunny:
flowerpot Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Congrates Lor, I too will be onthe other side soon, I hope! After the divorce, I will meet the person that I have been in contact with for about a month. It seems kind of strange, this email-phone relatoinship. But thats the way she wants it & thats O.K. She emailed me tonight, wishing me a happy birthday. I sent her chocolates Tuesday for her BD. She was burnt in her marriege,divorced in March, so I understand( take it slow) Everyone on LS has been great! You too Lor. Best of luck to you!! You deserve it!!!!!!! Take care, FP
DieselPWR Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 lol I'm catching those damn flowers!!!! Funny story, at my wedding, one of my girl friends caught my bouquet, and a week later she met the man she eventually married. I keep asking her for those flowers back, they seem to be lucky lol Go with it Lor. Keep having fun Funny part is at my wedding; one of her best friends caught the bouqet, and my best friend of 8 years got the garter. They had been hanging out together all nite anyways, and we all joked that they were next. My BF called me a few weeks ago, and I told him "Step away from the garter, its Tainted:laugh:" Turns out, that girl hasn't returned his calls, etc, so I don't think I have much to worry about. As far as my life, haven't heard from the stbx, and couldn't care less, to be honest with you. Never thought I'd say that, but dang if ya'll wern't right!! Me
Billy Bob Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 Hey Lor, I know exactly where your at.. finally kicked the addiction! I'm currently in an infatuation? relationship with a cute little gal who thinks I'm better than sliced bread. What a difference! Makes life fun again after such a long time. Good luck Lor, enjoy your time in the sun, we both deserve it
RecordProducer Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 when I would be sick, my X would say don't worry about the house, the dishes will still be there tomorrow, as he was walking out the door, leaving me with the kids....why did I ever love this man? Hahah! I'm so glad he left me!!When my ex-husband left me, I was devastated. I am so glad he did, because I would have probably still been unhappy with him. I would've never found the happiness I have with my second husband. there is life on the other side! And its beautiful! Now you will have many lives. The beauty is in the challenge, variety, and uncertainly. I bet you didn't know your ex wouldn't be your last guy in bed! Guess I came across as too happy for this place..... What? No congrats?!? Mz. P, why aren't you on here telling me I'm moving way too fast? LJ, any words of advice on how not to screw this one up? Gunny? Oh, c'mon Gunny, I know you have got something to say! Look, I'm not marrying the guy, don't even love him. Please, someone on here tell me your happy for me? I just read your post. I am happy for you!
RecordProducer Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 you have to get your feet wet again and it sounds like you are doing just that. Her feet are not the only ones... Funny story, at my wedding, one of my girl friends caught my bouquet, and a week later she met the man she eventually married. I keep asking her for those flowers back, they seem to be lucky lol When I was 19, I was at a friends' wedding. The bride threw the bouquet in MY direction, but I didn't want to catch it. The girl next to me caught it in front of my nose. The bride died later and I married the groom from that very wedding (4 years later)! The girl who caught the bouquet got married soon after I did.
Author Lor Posted September 15, 2006 Author Posted September 15, 2006 omg, cta, I've never laughed so hard in my life! I actually have tears in my eyes! Where on earth did you get your avitar?? I love cats but that's hilarious! :lmao: :lmao: Thanks everyone and its so nice to hear how many people are moving on in their own lives and finding happiness. There's really a lot of depression on here (I know: Duh!) but once the other side is reached, its amazing to me that we can actually laugh, smile and be happy once again. Its kind of like the Martina McBride song Wrong Again: And it seemed to me the pain would last My chance for happiness had passed And nothing waited 'round the bend I was sure I'd never find someone To heal the damage you had done And my poor heart would never mend Wrong again We are all living proof that while it feels like we'll never survive, that nothing will ever be right again, that our world has crumbled, we can overcome even this pain and start to heal again. Life doesn't end and with the knowledge and insight that we gain from our own personal hellish relationships, we can actually have stronger, more secure and better relationships--as long as we never lose sight of what is important and what isn't..... okay, enough physco babble.....I'm just happy and it feels so good to smile and not feel guilty about it!
Author Lor Posted September 18, 2006 Author Posted September 18, 2006 Well, the X is still up to his old tricks. I talked to MIL last night and she said that he's still telling her that he doesn't know what is going to happen, doesn't know what he's feeling. I called him this am about some unrelated stuff, then told him to tell her its over; she needs to hear it from him. He said he hasn't told her anything recently. Well, yeah, that's cuz you never talk about anything, buddy! Duh! I said look, I'm filing, I don't love you anymore, I don't want you in my life anymore, matter of fact I don't even like to talk to you. Let her know its over so she can start moving on, too. I told her outright it's done and there's no saving it. Not what she wanted to hear but I know she appreciates an answer rather than being kept in the dark. On top of that, he's lying to people about his dating. He'll never learn. He's lied to the kids about it, lied to his friends, and is having some other friends of ours cover up for him. Only reason I can figure on why is it's the woman he cheated on me with. and I feel very sorry for his parents if that's the case. But hey, if he's happy with her, that's good. I honestly don't care anymore, although a big part of me feels like saying yep, you deserve each other. And I will laugh when it all unravels and he lands in the dirt on his face cuz that's what'll happen. While me? I'll be sipping pina coladas on a beach with my new sweetheart, loving every minute. I'm so lucky to have found someone so great. What ticks me off so much about it is the fact that once again I'm the bad guy...I moved out, I filed for divorce, I started dating again. Cripes, he's been seeing the other one for a few weeks now and thinks he's hiding it. I heard it from 3 sources now and had a 4th confirm it when they wouldn't say a word. Hopefully one day he'll grow up and thank goodness it won't be with me!
Author Lor Posted October 3, 2006 Author Posted October 3, 2006 I filed today........ :bunny: maybe it doesn't deserve a bunny hop but the first step towards my new life is beginning...and for that I'm thankful. never would have made it this far without you guys.....all of you, even the ones who hit me with the 2x4. oh, and he paid half. simply, thanks.
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