Guest Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 OK, so you are involved with a married person and you think you are in love. It is such a nice fantasy perhaps seeing one day the two of you together forever. Fair enough. The complexities of the situation are obivous, and there has been more than enough banter and complaining on this board about when he/she is going to leave their spouse for me. How about this - why don't you tell your MM/MW that you really do love them, but that the relationship can only be non-intimate unil such time as they are legally separated/divorced from their spouse. What kind of a reaction do you think your MM/MW might have?
BUTAFLY Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 That question started off innocent enough...then it got progressively angry. Yaknow like comedian Sam Kinicin use to do. AHHH AHHH!!! hehe:laugh:
reneet Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 1st off, I don't THINK i'm in love, We ARE in love!. 2nd of all, I wouldn't torture myself with a no sex punishment for him not getting a divorce. Anything else you'd like to know?
BenThereDunThat Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Well, "Guest", you must not have read too much in here. What do you think NC means??? NO CONTACT And are you asking because you really want to know or are you asking to be nasty because you're a BS and you're looking to bash on some folks?
owcanbhppy Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 yes this is an obvious bs question. & reneet has 2 of my answers. i will tell you if i did say no more intamacy, wed have the same freindship we had for yrs bfr we became physically & emotionally intamate. mm really does love me, & supports every thing i do to improve my life. stopping this would not improve my life, so i dont stop. one of the truest friends ive ever had.
Joelle Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 OP, I guess you're only addressing those OW/OM's who want their MM/MW to leave their marriages for them. Not all OW/OM want their MM/MW to leave their marriages. Some are happy with the discreet relationships on the side. To clarify, I'm not involved in an A. I'm just presenting another view.
silktricks Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Guest, I didn't get the anger from your post that these other women have seen, but if you ARE a BS - as some have assumed - I hope you are OK.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 1st off, I don't THINK i'm in love, We ARE in love!. but you don't fall in love with someone upon meeting. certainly there is enough time to stop something before it starts. this is null, of course, if you were lied to from the very start about his being married. that begs another question though--if you were dating someone unattached, would you put up with them lying to you, especially something of this caliber? if a single guy lied to you about having kids, having a girlfriend, anything, would you look past it like you look past a marriage? if it's an OW who doesn't care and/or has no conscience, obviously none of this applies. i also saw no anger in the OP's question. i do think it's interesting, that there is not one real answer, but lots of defensiveness. p.s. it's not exactly necessary to be a BS in order to see the harm done in extramarital affairs. just some food for thought.
yousaveme Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 When i first came to theis site it was hope that find support and advice. At times and by certains members i receive that and im grateful from others i feel like is consistenly have to defend myself.
owcanbhppy Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 "i will tell you if i did say no more intamacy, wed have the same freindship we had for yrs bfr we became physically & emotionally intamate. " crush, since you missed it the 1st time, im re-posting - a real answer.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 "i will tell you if i did say no more intamacy, wed have the same freindship we had for yrs bfr we became physically & emotionally intamate. " crush, since you missed it the 1st time, im re-posting - a real answer. sorry, owcanbhppy, you're right, i did miss it. one real answer. even though it did only answer the second part of the question.
reneet Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Dear Crushd, I'd like to ask what your rap is?? Please advise. Thanks
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Dear Crushd, I'd like to ask what your rap is?? Please advise. Thanks my rap? i'm not sure what you mean by that, sorry.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 No, you don't necessarily have to be a BS or OW or OM or MM or MW to post here. But if you're not, why come here? I'm seriously asking. And sorry, but the question had a rhetoric, sarcastic ring to it. Not one who was actually looking for a "real" answer. And my comment about NC was a real answer. For me, I obviously am not letting him continue to be with me while he's still married. And if we seem defensive, why all the questions then? Especially if you're not one of the aforementioned.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 No, you don't necessarily have to be a BS or OW or OM or MM or MW to post here. But if you're not, why come here? I'm seriously asking. And sorry, but the question had a rhetoric, sarcastic ring to it. Not one who was actually looking for a "real" answer. And my comment about NC was a real answer. For me, I obviously am not letting him continue to be with me while he's still married. And if we seem defensive, why all the questions then? Especially if you're not one of the aforementioned. oh...i thought it seemed like a real question, but you're right, it might not have been. why come here? same as anyone else, advice, out of boredom, to geta better understanding of the world whatever. no particular reason i guess. just cause i can. in case you didn't notice, none of my posts are meant to flame or hurt anyone's feelings. and i am sorry if they did. i think a lot of times, an ow (or any party being accused of subjectively immoral behavior) expects that everyone is against them in an angry way. i'm definitely not angry about a thing. but that doesn't mean i wouldn't like to understand. in any case, i wasn't the OP, but i did think it was a serious question and that one that would have some good answers. i could be wrong, though.
owcanbhppy Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 crushed, you were respectful w/ me, so i hope it comes thru that im not launching war on you. i actually did answer the 1st part of the question, but in a leachy kind of way, sort of dittoed reneet. i dont cut the intimacy bcs i want it, i dont mean that in a vulgar kind of way (ok, sometime i do). i am very happy w/ my situation, i have no desire to change it. its not for every one, i was one who never thought it would be for me; and, it wouldnt, w/ anyone else. sometimes aff parties have really grown in love, despite what one/both would have said prior to getting involved.
reneet Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Crushd, I'll rephrase that "Why are you here?" Why so interested in ow/om?
Guest Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 OK, so you are involved with a married person and you think you are in love. It is such a nice fantasy perhaps seeing one day the two of you together forever. Fair enough. The complexities of the situation are obivous, and there has been more than enough banter and complaining on this board about when he/she is going to leave their spouse for me. How about this - why don't you tell your MM/MW that you really do love them, but that the relationship can only be non-intimate unil such time as they are legally separated/divorced from their spouse. What kind of a reaction do you think your MM/MW might have? Guest, This is exactly what I have done. We have not agreed to N/C, however, all intamacy is finished. He has told me he wanted to work on his marriage, and I have respect for that. (he was separated when I met him) We do not speak to each other frequently, and see each other even less. However, there is no intamacy at all. My reaction to the situation is simply "life goes on" and I truely enjoyed the past two years. I am hurt and I do miss him, but he and I made a decision that any other way was unfair to myself and his wife.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 crushed, you were respectful w/ me, so i hope it comes thru that im not launching war on you. i actually did answer the 1st part of the question, but in a leachy kind of way, sort of dittoed reneet. i dont cut the intimacy bcs i want it, i dont mean that in a vulgar kind of way (ok, sometime i do). i am very happy w/ my situation, i have no desire to change it. its not for every one, i was one who never thought it would be for me; and, it wouldnt, w/ anyone else. sometimes aff parties have really grown in love, despite what one/both would have said prior to getting involved. i get you. just because i don't necessarily agree with a certain behavior doesn't mean that i hate someone who engages in it, or that i don't want to understand what they're feeling. i am sure many people appreciate your honesty; i know i do. i don't ask a question so i can hear what i want to hear , i really am curious. occasionally, there isn't a reason for something, it is "just because" or sometimes even "i don't know." i think the ones who get more trouble on here are the ones who will blatantly put up their online fists and say "yeah, well i'm selfish and i want to so nyah nyah" and then the wars begin. typically, though, that type is looking for attention and not for support or help, so they bring it on themselves. everyone is an individual; this does not exclude OW's.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Crushd, I'll rephrase that "Why are you here?" Why so interested in ow/om? i've already answered that, actually, if you'd care to read above. but i'll answer again, no problem. i don't have cancer, but i sure as hell don't mind giving someone support with their problem. i'm not big on politics, but i do have opinions and i would like to learn more. just because i am not an expert in something doesn't mean i can't be involved and try to understand, or try to learn more, and even help, if i can. i certainly do not have a personal problem with ow's. what i do have a problem with is a hypocrite who seems to want to tell me i have no business being where they think i don't belong , yet who places herself in someone else's marriage/life/world without wanting to be called out on it by anyone else. sorry if you've been offended by something/someone else, but don't try to make it my problem.
silktricks Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I'll grant sarcastic - I just didn't get anger, and wondered about it. I thought the poster was maybe trying to make people think - not that you haven't - but, that's kinda what we're all about here. Your answer about NC was a real answer.
owcanbhppy Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 'everyone is an individual; this does not exclude OW's'-it absolutely doesnt, im more individual than i can stand myself sometimes:laugh: youre welcome to post & ask questions here, if youre not attacking then you probably wont be attacked. so many do come here just to bash or define situations of others w/out knowing anything else about them other than they are in aff. ive gotten a little 'in your face' here a couple of times, but as a reaction. i dont think i ever 'started it' so to speak.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 so many do come here just to bash or define situations of others w/out knowing anything else about them other than they are in aff. i agree, some do that. it's an agenda, and one that i definitely do not have. however, some ow's (or om, for that matter) do come here already on the defensive, and no matter what you say, they will see it as an attack because you're not in total agreement. that's annoying for both parties.
yousaveme Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 i've already answered that, actually, if you'd care to read above. but i'll answer again, no problem. i don't have cancer, but i sure as hell don't mind giving someone support with their problem. i'm not big on politics, but i do have opinions and i would like to learn more. just because i am not an expert in something doesn't mean i can't be involved and try to understand, or try to learn more, and even help, if i can. i certainly do not have a personal problem with ow's. what i do have a problem with is a hypocrite who seems to want to tell me i have no business being where they think i don't belong , yet who places herself in someone else's marriage/life/world without wanting to be called out on it by anyone else. i want to set one thing straight. I do appericate the support i have received about me being sick. I didn't come to this site and post here to use my illness as a way of making things easier for me in the eyes of others. I was only being honest about my situtation. Since im not using my health as an issue here on the OW/OM thread . I would appericate if my condition was left out of this. I never thought people would be happy with my decision being in a relationship with a MM. I never thought i would be in this situtation personally. But i am. I do love him and yes i BELIEVE he does love me. Yes he wasnt at my last surgery. But as much as i wanted him there i understood why he couldnt be there.
Recommended Posts