tanbark813 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Nobody seems to be pointing out a glaring point: the story she gave is unlikely to be true. TMW said she's a good liar. It's already been shown that she still lies to him. It's like misdirection during magic tricks. Magicians keep your mind occupied with one thing so that you don't notice what they're doing elsewhere. The story she gave could be misdirection. Instead of focusing on the fact that she lied about contacting the OM, she gives this story about him flirting with his OW and she takes this righteous stance against it and says how she was angry about it and calling him to put an end to it. If that were the case she would have said something to TMW the first time he asked to see her phone. Instead, she painted herself in a better light in an effort to distract away from the core issue.
Buttaflyy Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Nobody seems to be pointing out a glaring point: the story she gave is unlikely to be true. TMW said she's a good liar. It's already been shown that she still lies to him. It's like misdirection during magic tricks. Magicians keep your mind occupied with one thing so that you don't notice what they're doing elsewhere. The story she gave could be misdirection. Instead of focusing on the fact that she lied about contacting the OM, she gives this story about him flirting with his OW and she takes this righteous stance against it and says how she was angry about it and calling him to put an end to it. If that were the case she would have said something to TMW the first time he asked to see her phone. Instead, she painted herself in a better light in an effort to distract away from the core issue. I think he's chosen to deal with it in his own way already.
KrisMuseumGirl Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 I hate to say it but those that have nothing to hide - hide nothing. An innocent person would've handed you the phone and said "knock yourself out" and walked along with you to see your face when you felt stupid. An innocent person would also say "it was my mother" or something innocent right away instead of offering a vague "it was a friend". Anyone would have said "oh yeah? who?" since you were away with friends why would she need to call another? Form the bathroom no less. So it's something to think about. But here's a thought from the flip side - are you jealous of anyone making her want to hide even innocent stuff? Do you get annoyed that her job calls you at home or that she checks in with the job while she's on her personal time? That kind of stuff is the only reason I can think of that would make people hide silly little things. Here's one last thought - do you see her call detail on the phone bill? If you have doubt, maybe you should. If it's innocent - you'll sleep easier and if it's not, you're better off knowing. Good luck!
Mz. Pixie Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Nobody seems to be pointing out a glaring point: the story she gave is unlikely to be true. TMW said she's a good liar. It's already been shown that she still lies to him. I did point out earlier in the thread that she's lied to him before- when he thought they were in recovery and she was still seeing OM- when in fact there was more to the whole entire thing than she was disclosing. This could be the same situation. She would give me the cell phone records- plain and simple. If there are more calls on there than she has stated he'll know.
Author ThumbingMyWay Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 The 3 or 4 times that OM initiated contact was all on him. Each time my wife told him to move on and to leave her alone. The reason she didn’t tell me is she didn’t want me to think it was her….she is scared I will leave her. My gut tells me she is telling the truth about the 3 or 4 contacts made by him. Each one she told him to move on and leave her alone. I believe her. As I think back, she did tell me of one time in the lunch room this summer when he made a comment to her….she was talking to another guy in the office….OM saw her and made a comment of “what, are you seeing him now?” She did tell me of that contact. She told me she was pissed that he would even think she was in something else. She did remark back to him, that he is an idiot and needed to move on. She was angry….she has been angry with him the last year. Angry at her self too. And to set it straight….my wife has shown great improvement. She and I are really clicking now. She wants all of this behind her and so do I. The contact that OM initiated this past Friday afternoon was basically him saying “he is miserable, he and his wife are going to conseclling and that he will try to move on” My wifes response to him was “GOOD….you need to. I am moving on also, so you need to stop contacting me, I want me husband and my family” Then Friday night when I caught my wife in mid-dial. She was drunk and angry. Me and the MC asked her want her intention was in calling him Friday night. it was to basically bitch at him and tell him to leave her alone. The reason she was hiding this contact from me, is because she felt I would think she was contacting him and that I would freak out and leave her. She was scared to tell me, she felt she could do it herself. But the truth is, HE contacted her. The thoughts boiled up in her, she was drinking and was anger with him that his just cant let go. So in a fit of alcohol induced anger…she was going to tell him off Friday night. I believe her. I do….my gut tells me everything that has happened in context to these 3 or 4 contacts was all on OM, not my wife. SO….I called OM yesterday to set the record straight. I needed to do this. Not only for me, but for my wife. She could not fend him off alone. He is a snake and a manipulator. I told him this: Hello (name) this is (my name). He said, hello (my name). I said, I don’t want any response from you, I just need to say what I have to say. I said: MY WIFE DOES NOT WANT YOU, AND YOU CANNOT HAVE HER. SHE WANTS ME AND OUR FAMILY. WE ARE MOVING ON WITH OUR LIFE AND YOU MUST DO THE SAME. IF YOU EVER CONTACT MY WIFE AGAIN, IN ANY WAY, I WILL GO DIRECTLY TO YOUR WIFE (HER NAME) AND TELL HER EVERYTHING. AND I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. then I hung up. My wife will forward any emails from him to me. and I will determine if the context of the emails are work related. if anyof the emails have any context to anything other than work, anything….any hook or any I am sorrys, or any thing. Even if he says I called him and he says he will move on. That to me is contact outside of work stuff…I am going to call his wife right away. I think my call to him will set him on his way. I cannot go back to my box of fear. I have no strength left to live in that ***kin box and have those “what ifs” thoughts in my head. I CANNOT have those anymore. So…I am choosing to believe my wife about these last episodes and she knows all too well, this is the last shot I will give for this marriage. She is relieved that I am being so strong and happy that we can both fight this OM together now. in hindsight….I should have made that call to OM a long time ago…I should have exposed this whole thing to his wife right away. but the weak insecure nice guy in me played dumb…and I regret it. FROM THIS DAY FORWARD I AM NOT LAYING LOW ANYMORE. This last situation has given me strength to FIGHT TUFF for this marriage and my wife. After our MC yesterday, we stood in the parking lot and we both looked at eachother and hugged and it was like a burden was lifted. She and I are a team….she knows she cant hide and be scared of OM anymore. Because now I AM involved with it directly with the OM…and OM knows this now from my phone call…..*** where was this strength a year ago. I believe my wife and I believe she is going to endure. Like I said before, the last year she has made great strides to make things better. I am moving on. And I thank all of you over the last 3 years who have helped me. This site was a life saver for me. but I am also addicted to LS….so I will pop in here and there. but for the most part I need to get away for awhile. Thank you everyone. My prayers go out to all of you. and for the record…my wife is quiting her job at the end of the year. She is looking elsewhere for a job, even has an interview today. But either way…she is leaving that place at years end. Hopefully she can find another job. And in 2 years she will finish college, she can get a good job and we can finally move on with our goals and dreams. I love all of you for helping me and I hope my story and my advice has helped other people too. I really hope any OW or OM reads my whole story and gets some sense to stop what they are doing. I wouldn’t wish the pain and angony I experienced in the last 2 years on my worst enemy. I have been to hell and back……so to all the OW and OM out there…GET YOU ***** STRAIGHT!!!!! peace!
whichwayisup Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Hello (name) this is (my name). He said, hello (my name). I said, I don’t want any response from you, I just need to say what I have to say. I said: MY WIFE DOES NOT WANT YOU, AND YOU CANNOT HAVE HER. SHE WANTS ME AND OUR FAMILY. WE ARE MOVING ON WITH OUR LIFE AND YOU MUST DO THE SAME. IF YOU EVER CONTACT MY WIFE AGAIN, IN ANY WAY, I WILL GO DIRECTLY TO YOUR WIFE (HER NAME) AND TELL HER EVERYTHING. AND I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. then I hung up. Standing O from me! And, you're NOT a weak, insecure nice guy...You're a man who loves his wife, and would do anything to save the marriage. That takes strength, so I don't wanna hear you say you're weak. Her actions have made you feel insecure, so I want you to work on that part of you - You're a good person. but I am also addicted to LS…. This made me laugh...You're addicted just like the rest of us. Come back once in a while and post in other places, have some laughs. Doesn't always have to be in this particular section. Take care.
JamesM Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 So…I am choosing to believe my wife about these last episodes and she knows all too well, this is the last shot I will give for this marriage. If you believe her, then work at your marriage. I for one give you my support. I think from our viewpoint, we can see inconsistencies in the stories, "facts" as she relates them to you, and pain that you have experienced...but it is your life. It could all be as she said. If so, then move forward and rebuild your life. Go with your "gut feeling." Hello (name) this is (my name). He said, hello (my name). I said, I don’t want any response from you, I just need to say what I have to say. I said: MY WIFE DOES NOT WANT YOU, AND YOU CANNOT HAVE HER. SHE WANTS ME AND OUR FAMILY. WE ARE MOVING ON WITH OUR LIFE AND YOU MUST DO THE SAME. IF YOU EVER CONTACT MY WIFE AGAIN, IN ANY WAY, I WILL GO DIRECTLY TO YOUR WIFE (HER NAME) AND TELL HER EVERYTHING. AND I HOPE I NEVER HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN. then I hung up. Good for you. Did not part of you want to ask him for his side of the story? but I am also addicted to LS… Join the crowd. I came here for advice, and since I felt that much was given...well, I just can't keep my "mouth" shut!
Sassy Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Thumbing do you get an itemized cell bill? If it is itemized you can look at it on line. Then you will be reassured whether it was a friend or another man. You won't be at eased till you know. She could have deleted it or she was texting as you said . Either way till you find out it will eat you alive. My SO will show me who calls when i ask. If they get defensive usually they got something to hide.JMO
Mz. Pixie Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Ok thumbs, whatever you say. Please however do come back if anything else happens.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Then Friday night when I caught my wife in mid-dial. She was drunk and angry. Me and the MC asked her want her intention was in calling him Friday night. it was to basically bitch at him and tell him to leave her alone. The reason she was hiding this contact from me, is because she felt I would think she was contacting him... uh, she is contacting him. and not only that, but...she's going out of her way to contact him...to tell him to leave her alone... if you don't mind looking like a fool, that's fine, but don't be one. i hope you're happy together, honestly. but she's only doing this to you because you've shown her she can pretty much do whatever she wants and you'll take it. i pulled all the stuff your wife is doing too, when i was a shady beyotch doing things i didn't want anyone to know about. good luck.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 15, 2006 Posted September 15, 2006 I applaud you and your strength!! really? like, honestly, you see this as a strength? hmmm.
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