insomnie Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 This is a rant more than anythign else, but a lot of couples I know are starting to get engaged, move in togehter, take serious trips together, etc. and I'm finding it really hard not to sink into the "if my boyfriend loved me as much as their boyfriends love them we'd do all that stuff too" mindset. I talk to my friends, look at their photo albums cataloguing happy romances and I can't help but feel jealous... about the most romantic thing that's ever happened in my relationship was when my boyfriend insisted on paying for my meal once. ONCE =(. I know he cares about me, and we're pretty young (21), but after two years it's like I've come to the point where I need to know if he sees a possibility for a future with me. I know he's not ready for any kind of solid commitment, and I don't expect any at this point...but I can't help but wonder if he isn't ready because he doesn't love me enough, or because he's just not ready. I wish I could control my insecurities and not think this way, but it's so hard when everyone around you is planning their futures together and your boyfriend makes references to his own future as separate from yours. As in, "when I finish college" or "when I get married..." or "when I have kids..."
Sally00 Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I wish I could control my insecurities and not think this way, but it's so hard when everyone around you is planning their futures together and your boyfriend makes references to his own future as separate from yours. As in, "when I finish college" or "when I get married..." or "when I have kids..." Ouch... and you've been together for 2 years?! I've been friends with my boyfriend for over a year and we've been dating for almost 8 months... and we've always talked about our futures together. And don't think it's because everyone else is getting engaged and married. SCREW THAT REASON. It is about US. What WE want. Lemme tell ya somethin'... these 2 girls and I were in the hallway and they were talking about their fiance and their husband... both of whom have been in the relationship for 5 years and 6 years. And they're both around my age (20 and 21!). Think about how I felt... I didn't even want to mention my measly 7-month relationship (at the time). So I just stood there. I'm not expecting us to be OFFICIALLY engaged anytime soon... but I couldn't even contribute to a conversation like that!!! lol. So you're not alone when it comes to feeling like being surrounded by everyone else being engaged/married. I say... after 2 years, you two would naturally be talking about each other's futures together. Atleast that's what I think... especially in your 20s. Maybe you should let him know how YOU feel. Maybe he ISN'T ready or somethin'. The only way you can know is to ask him. Whatever you do, don't bring up the "everyone ELSE is getting engaged" bit. Communication shouldn't be that hard after being together for that long. I don't blame you for feeling like you do. Good luck.
Sand&Water Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Insomnie, Don't sweat it! When the right time comes along, you'll be the one gushing to your girlfriends about your fiance/long-term boyfriend/husband. Making comparisons, causes one's self-esteem to drop to the bottom of the well. You can do better than that, for sure. Be glad with the man you are with now -this phase in time. There are many, many people out there who are single and can't seem to find half a decent man. I can't even get a middle aged albino man if I tried. So consider yourself lucky. [bad, bad, bad example/comparison to give you!] Try to provide the best for yourself, as well as your boyfriend in this relationship. You'll know when the end is near, and time for you to move on. Think positive. Chin up. Good luck.
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