Guest Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I'm 32 and have known my wife for 7 yrs, 4 of which we have been married and living together - no kids. She has quit her job in Fresno before we got married and moved in with me in LA, as I make considerable amount of money there is no need for her to work, and she was more than willing to accept that. I have been good to her with the exception of my family which doesn’t like her, as they feel she is spoiled/not good enough etc. I limited my family contact and reassured her that I love her and no other opinion counts. She has had a turbulent childhood and expresses passive-aggressive behavior since day 1; but I love her regardless of any of this. Since marriage, I have gained about 30 lbs, and am not really fit anymore, I accept that but I know she is not physically attracted to me any longer as sex has dwindled down to a once-a-month occurrence, and she is usually intoxicated when it does occur. She has made small comments that seem to be a common occurrence in other posts; stuff like I smell garlicky, or that she doesn’t think sex is that important. We never kiss passionately, she says she just doesn't like that. She thinks our relationship and sex life is fine but she does keep a vibrator, which I’m sure she uses (I just don’t know how often). She has also been battling depression, for which she has been seeking help for about a year. I have been caring and supportive. But to be honest, this relationship is very one-sided. I take care of all the domestic chores, bills, dry cleaning etc. She tends to watch a lot of TV but complains of boredom, depression, and threatens suicide from time to time about how unhappy she is. I don't complain, I have tried my best to be supportive. Her family loves me. I think she feels she may let them down if we break up, also I think she may regret us breaking up 5 yrs from now thinking I lost a really good guy. I think she feels I am a little boring and not spontantious or brave/manely etc. For the past few months, she has been living in Georgia with her relatives which she gets along with. She explains that she finally feels she is in a loving/nurturing environment surrounded by loving people. I do tend to work long hours, and she is home alone for the vast part of the day when we lived together. She also has a few male friends down there, that I know, and reasonably trust. They seem like good guys, but they are her friends, not really mine. She goes out with them, to cafe's or what have you, as I understand she may want to still go out/dance and reclaim some of her youthful years (she's 25 yrs old). I went to atlanta to visit her this summer, we had a great time and she says she will be coming back home within a few weeks, she just needed some more time to adjust. So here comes the problems. My sister said she received a mysterious phone call from someone in Atlanta saying that "I know your brother, he's a great guy and I wanted to tell you that his wife is cheating on him with someone down here (in Atlanta)." My sister is capable of lying, but she swore to me on everything holy that this was the truth. I, truthfully, cannot decide if this story is true. So I started going through my wifes things which I've never done before. I found a book which asks all these intimate questions. More problems. In particular, it asked to list 3 best lovers, and three worst. I was listed as the worst - it was devistating. It asked 'whos one person you flirt with more that you should? - she listed one of the guys in Atlanta. Lastely, it asked about something you fantasized about - she wrote 'having an affair'. I know this sounds like too much to justify. But, if you knew my wife, you would know that guilt eats her up inside, and I while she fantasizes about this stuff, I have a hard time believing she did it and acts so normally around me. But, I'm still crushed. Is this too much evidence? Am a a true sucker? Am I imagining things? If I told you that my sister was lying, would that make a difference (as I am not sure)? I can't sleep. Any advice, or thoughts would be appreciated. I thought about hiring a PI to follow her. But, I think they would just verify that she is going out with friends. If she was cheating, I doubt she would be so callous as to do it in public. please help...
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