It's over..

[SadGreenEyes]

Bf and I of 2 + years have ended things. The relationship was bad for a long time (see some of my other posts) and the situation took a really bad turn for the extreme worst.

During the last month or so I had a hunch bf was cheating or had met someone else..call it a womans intuition. My hunch was right, and when i approached him to tell me the truth he still denied it. I took matters into my own hands and did what I needed to do to find the truth, and that meant getting into his email.

Upon doing so, I found what I had been looking for yet feared. I was shot into immediate shock and became numb as to what I found and read.

I didnt even cry for the first 4 days, then anger took over, etc.

I went so far as to contact her and spoke with her on the phone for a long time. No, she didnt know about me of course and didnt know we were living together. Anyway, I have spoken to him at length and told him that I was devistated and in complete shock at to what happened, how they met, on the internet on match.com where he posted a profile. When I found that as well, believe me, it just went more down hill from there. I mean, man, I knew we were having problems, no intimacy for a really long time, but I never thought to meet anyone else. I was led to believe that if I moved out that we can wipe the slate clean and start anew...he met her a month ago. I moved out a few days ago...my body hasent even had a chance to get cold yet.

With no money, no help, no friends or family willing to help me, I am stuck all alone, man I was in love with and hoped for so long that we could work things out cheated on me and continues to pursue this new relationship after I told him I would be willing to get past this if the break in which we are taking, which was his idea, would be totally alone time for both of us, no one else, time recollect and mourn the loss of this relationship, before starting anything new. Personally, Im not jumping into anything or into anyone for that matter.

I have made a major life changing decision today. After much thinking, fright, fear of the unknown, with absolutely no means of planning this unknown uncertain future alone, I have but one of 2 choices I need to make for myself and for everyone involved.

I must move. Period.

I know myself, and to be completely honest with myself and with you all, I know I can not live in the same area I have been accustomed to my whole life. I live on Long Island in New York, born and bred and moved into Queens County with now ex boyfriend. I have a son from a previous marriage that lives with his dad on the island, so my move can not be far, however, I know I must leave the island. I am looking for housing upstate new york..kind of like within at least a mile from the city and hopefully within 2 hours of my son...I dont mind driving and have spent my whole life traveling back and forth upstate with my family..we had a vacation house in the catskills and I have family that relocated up in that region. I love the calmness of the upstate atmosphere, the smell in the air, the stars. If I stay down here, I will drive myself insane, I will drive by his house, her house, call him all the time, wonder where he is, what hes doing, what theyre doing, and it will eventually lead to me getting into big trouble and it's not worth it anymore. I can not make him to want to be with me or love me anymore like he used to. He met someone else. I still feel absolutely numb about this, its hard to explain.

I work for the buying offices of a major retail store and we have stores all over the country and all over new york. I have spoken to my boss once about the possibility of moving and she said that they would hook me up in one of the stores, completely different from my job now in the offices, but none the less a job with my same company, shouldnt effect my pay or what have you but I will have to look into it further.

My only choice is to remove myself from the whole situation.

I cant seem to let go of this man, have been with him for over 2 years, this was people...the most insane relationship I assure you...read some old posts. There was emotional and verbal abuse, lack of se# and intimacy for the last year and a half ( on my end anyway ), and now that I think about it, I dont think I ever cried so much as I have since being involved with him. Thats when things are bad...but when things are good, or when they were good, they were really really good. The love I have for this man is only what I can describe as unconditional. Throughout all the BS and hurtful things said and done, deep down I understood more or less and always remained calm and quiet. He has had a really bad 2 years...not all with me but last year alone he lost his mom and sister within 6 months, leaving him completely alone with more responsibility and all while he himself has a series of serious medical problems, major being in remission from serious cancer, stage 3/4, beat it thus far and has been in "remission" for just over 2 years, but still requires the standard 3-6 month ct scans and bloodwork and visits to his oncologist. It was crazy let me tell you. I remained by his side through it all and was there for his beloved mother and sister before they passed.

I made him an offer. I told him that I wanted him to keep his promise to me, which was, move out and we will continue to date, wipe the slate clean and start over. He did have a point, we did get along much better and we were closer when we lived apart. Absence makes the heart grow fonder , or thats what they say. He said he needs time to think, and trust me he does...he has a ton of crap on his plate and in my honest opinion is just making his life more complicated bringing this other woman into the mix...so not cool. I still cant believe it. He was and I sure still is, an incredible liar. He astoundes me. Things he has sworn on, lies I knew and didnt tell him I knew but asked him about and he still lied. And here I am, stupid me letting this upset me then forgetting about it until something else came up. All because I really loved him and knew deep down he needed help and alone time to think and to mourn his loss which he never did, continuing on with life and now having to do his own laundry, clean and scrub his house, take care of all of his pets, make dinner, go shopping, all of that is now gone until she comes in. Who knows.

I told him I am willing to get past all of this and your fooling around if you get rid of her now. They have been at this for a month...We have been at it for 2 years. I asked him, where does your loyalty lie? He said with me, hands down. I told him to prove it. He said he likes her. I know its more. He told me as of earlier today they havent slept together, but my gut is telling me right about now, they are taking it to the next level.

I cant handle this. I am going to have a really hard time trying to not think like this, its killing me. My back feels hot, like an epidural, and my stomach is all screwed up. I feel like I am a zombie. This is not good, which is why I dont have any other choice but to make a major change and find a place to live upstate, off of the island and this way I wont have to be in any familiar stomping grounds, dont want to chance bumping into him OR stalking him, following him, drive bys, etc. If Im not near it, it wont happen and I will not go to jail Man, I need some serious help. I think the move will probably be better as opposed to seeing a shrink and going through all this BS again.

Lord, I need the strength. I dont know what Im doing, what to do, how to do it and with what, and how I am supposed to handle this all the while my head is a mess and my heart and soul have been destroyed. My feelings...pppssshhht, forget it.

How about electric shock therapy? Selective memory erase?

SGE

[whichwayisup]

He needs help. Seeing as his past few years have been awful, did he ever seek therapy? The cancer is a big one. People DO change after something like that and unfortunately, sometimes it's cheating...Like they've missed out and once in remission they have to feel alive and live.

 

He may or not be the one for you, but right now he isn't. The best thing you can do is move away and heal yourself. You're very strong and brave! Stronger than you think!! But, if you need help, ask for it. Talk to your family, get counselling, do whatever it takes to move on with your life. And don't wait for him, he's regressed in life, and become selfish too.

[binevrywear]

Hi SGE,

 

Best post I've read in a while. Congratulations! You are now on the way to a better life, no matter how things may look right now. Keep your head up. You did it!