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HI everyone I am in need of your input about abuse and anything that relates to break


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Posted

Please read I really can use some help I am not working, but I go to a community college, and I have a child.

I have been living in a pretty loveless marriage, a week ago me and my husband got into a bit of a tiff, and well when he argues I am not supposed to say anything but keep my mouth shut and let him belittle me. Well last week I spoke up and he went into a rage and I was actually scared for the first time in my life, I feared that he was actually going to hurt me as he grabbed a steak knife and flew at me, and said I will kill you. Later he turned it into a joke like he was just trying to scare me, in the past he has kicked,pushed, slapped and punched me, only in places where others won't see bruises..................Last night my twin came into town and wanted me and my husband to go out on the town with him, so i went and got a babysitter and he said if you are going I am not going. So I told him he can go, so he said ok and got dressed and was ready to go, me and my twin went for a quick drive and he said to me why won't he take you out with us? I said I don't know but both my twin and I came to the conclusion that he is trying to hide something, perhaps another woman?? So when I got back I told my husband why don't the three of us go out and he looked at me so hateful and said NO you can go, then proceeded into his bedroom and stayed there, so me and my brother went out, my husband always leaves me at home all the time the only public place he will take me is out to eat and grocery shopping other than that I am always at home bymyself with our child, a couple times he comes home at 6 am and said he was at a turkish cafe?? There are times he says don't make dinner for me my ,friend jim is taking me out.My brothers wife said that she sees my husband in the bars all the time, Does it look as tho he is cheating on me? He also calls me down all the time and makes me feel like I am a worthless piece of crap, I am always walking on eggshells most of the time when he is around.

I want to separate and physically move away from him and see if maybe he will change, but I am scared of being alone, and I am also scared of what this will do to my child, I am scared of my security and my childs security, what can I do? I have saved up a tiny bit of money and I don't know how I will move any of the furniture, and when I can do the move while he is gone I would need time to get mystuff and get out, any of your suggestions and advice would be appreciated, I hope everyones day is a good and happy one.

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Posted

I guess my problem is not bad after all, thanks anyways, take care and God bless.:(

Posted

I'd say your problem is pretty bad. Your husband has been repeatedly abusing you physically, verbally, and emotionally, and it's possible he's also cheating on you.

 

I'm concerned that you are worried about being lonely??? Wouldn't being alone be 100x better than what you've got now? And your daughter will also be 100x better off if you leave - she's growing up in an abusive household and could very well believe that's how relationships are supposed to be, which sets her up to end up with a guy like your husband. Also, you don't know when your husband might hurt you very badly, or if he might turn his abuse onto your daughter.

 

My advice is to leave as soon as possible, and never look back. Enlist the help of family and friends. Start by telling your brother everything that has been going on, and see if he can help you develop a plan. The furniture can be moved by movers in a few hours or less while your husband is at work, so that should be the least of your concerns. Borrow money if that's the only thing holding you back.

 

Good luck to you, and take care.

Posted

Also see a lawyer right away or look up Legal Aid in the phone book if you don't have the money for a lawyer.

 

You need to leave. His abuse more than likely will only get worse. Get out now and make a life for yourself without him.

Posted

do you have family you can go to? in a time like this that would come in very handy. you mentioned your twin brother & i'm presuming he lives in town. Maybe he could be some emotional support & a place to stay until you can get on your feet.

Your husband would have to pay child support & possibly alimony if you don't work & haven't for most of the marriage. I believe this would start up even before divorce is final. It did for my husband i believe when he divorced.

You shouldn't stay in a situation where you are afraid. I can't imagine walking on eggshells around my husband. no one should live like that. You would be better off alone for awhile. You would meet someone else.

Best of luck.

  • Author
Posted

I lost my parents at such a young age(11 years old) and I had no role model, I did come from a abusive foster home and I have been in one after the other, and to not have a person there is like being empty and frankly very lonely, trust me I do plan on leaving I just have to plan it the best I possibly can, thank you all for your feedback

Posted

Brenda,

 

I find sometimes it takes a while for a post to show up. Have you thought about counseling? For yourself I am asking......So you can be a little stronger and have some guidance while you go though this. This way you also might not feel so alone. I know it seems scary thinking about it.....I have been though what you described, the mental/emotional abuse (which is actually worst then the physical) and after my ex and I split, I felt like I could BREATH again and it was/IS so wondering. The first week was a little hard, adjusting to living with just my daughter (I'm a scaredy cat) and changing routines, and telling everyone but right now I couldn't be happier as a person and a mother. I walked on eggshells for the past 4 years and we have split 8 months now and like I said, it still feel nice to be able to breath. I am not even looking to meet anyone, all I care about right now is being the best mom to my daughter and raising her with good morals. Another thing being so less stressed and angry being in that situation you cant be as good as a mom as you know you have inside you. Know what I mean? Because you are so upset over things with hubby...I use to have to fake happiness with my daughter and put on a smile even though I wasn't smiling inside. It is very hard!!! Talk to someone girl, you dont need to be with someone like him, I know his type and he wont change. Good luck.

 

One thing I use to say to myself is I only have 1 life, do I want to live it like this??

Posted

Like yesterday!

 

Just that plain, just that simple! You deserve better!

Posted

Try reading up on "batterers/abusers" at your library. It's free and full of information. Information is POWER! And you need power.

 

This is a great web site for support. It helped me tremendously when I couldn't figure out what was going on.

 

As far as meeting someone else, sure you'll meet someone else but you need to work on you first. Get strong, educated and OUT! Life is too short to feel afraid and unloved. Love yourself.

 

The library is where I got most of my knowledge on making me a better/stronger person. You can do it.

 

Take care and remember we do care about you!:)

 

Debilou

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