pababs64 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I still love him so much, how do I let go? We started out with one of them fairy tale romances at least that is how he discribed it. We come from a small town. He seen me a few times and knew I was the one for him. I didn't even know he exsisted. He had been telling mutual friends that he so wanted to meet me, the word got back to me and of course my interest was peaked. After several weeks we had our first face to face meeting and exchanged phone numbers. The first night we talked for four hours and made a date to cook him a home cooked meal. He came over we connected right off the bat and he has been here since. There are other details but I would have to add another chapter for that. He treated me like a queen. I couldn't have asked for a better man. I fell madly in love with him. After about a year and a half we married. With marriage comes responsibilities. Such as financial ones, we struggled but always pulled through. About three years ago I believe things started to go down hill. He started playing on line poker just for fun and spending less and less time with me. Of course that hurt but he worked all day and I figured if he enjoyed playing poker when he got home then that was ok with me. He would spend hours on line while I would watch tv in another room longing to be spending time with him. We almost broke up a couple times but we always got back on track...till this time. He told me he isn't happy and he is getting older and just wants some happiness in his life. Looking back on all my mistakes I would do anything to have another chance to make him the happiest man alive but it's too late now. He has issues with my son that I should have addressed but I was a single mother and never in a relationship with a man that I included my son in and made some very big mistakes. We have communication issues too. I would like to sit down and talk about everything but he doesn't give me that chance. When I have something on my mind I have to e-mail him with my thoughts and he usually doesn't respond and when he does it is pretty brief. I just don't know how to get on with my life without him. I still love him so very much. My biggest fear is that I will never meet another man like him. No one will ever compare to him. I think of another men holding my hand or kissing me or just cuddling and I know it's not going to feel like being with him. I admit I let myself go during our marriage. I used to put makeup on everyday and got to comfortable with him I only put it on when we went out. There are so many things I would do differently now that I have taken a step back and seen all the things I did wrong but he doesn't want to give me that chance and it hurts so bad. We are still living under the same roof right now because of finances and that is good and bad. I am comforted by the fact that he is here but then again I know he is not happy and has taken to chatting with other women on line and that rips my heart out! How do you get over loving someone with all your heart that you know loves you too but is just tired of trying and wants out? Any advice would be great as I am sickened knowing he doesn't want me anymore. I can't eat my stomach is upset all the time, I sleep very little, I am just in so much pain! Thank you for letting me tell my story and any help would be greatly appreciated!
Rooster_DAR Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 You came to the right place pababs64. First of all, start poking around on this site and you will find 100's of people who are going through the same thing, as I am as well. Now, there are several problems with your relationship it sounds like, but the non-communication is the probably the death knell. When things have gone this far, it's really too late and by pushing him to stay with you is only going to push him farther away. This sounds like the typical "Picket fence" and "Knight in shining armor" story that almost always ends the same way. You quoted "Fairy Tale Romance", which is the first red flag that tells me that you both probably have an unrealistic vision of what true love is. Any good relationship starts off feeling like you two are the epitimy of what love is, this is just a fantasy that fades with time. Your S/O has probably already moved on emotionally, so you need to do what's best for you right now. Living under the same roof with him doing what he's doing is going to destroy you emotionally and you chance losing your dignity. I understand how painful it is, so I will try to be sensitive to that while posting. You have to get on with your life now, and you need to prepare to start letting go of him. He obviously doesn't want to talk about it, so this is a REALLY BIG RED FLAG". Quite trying to blame yourself by making it sound like you didn't do your part, it sounds like this is his issue. As for the question how do I get over him? We'll it's a long process of roller coaster emotions, and some people never get completely over it. All I can advise you to do is put some distance between you two, and start focusing on your life right now. He may come around, but don't count on it. Go ahead and cry, get angry, these are essential tools in helping you through this crisis. See other posts regarding N/C, this is probably going to be your next step. roost
Just2Cute1972 Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I feel so sad for you. I know what u are going thru as im going thru the same thing. Mine moved out tho so i dont have that part to deal with but i know what u mean about the communication issues, we had them too. I also let myself go, a lot actually although i dont think that is what did it for us. We started arguing a lot the last month to month and half we were together coupled wtih a few other things that happened on top of that that was the "straw to break the camels back" so to speak. I wasnt exactly the easiest person to be around that last month and a lot of what i did helped to push him right on out. Ive changed a lot about myself in the past month we have been broken up..A LOT. I hurt so much is unbelievable and as far as talkin with other females, he found someone else a week after he was gone (a girl he hasnt seen since he was in school). He tells me he hasnt fallen for her and she is "fun" to him and is "just like him" personality wise, but it hurts soooooooo much. Today marks an exact month for me and im not dead and u too will get thru whatever happens. I dont contact him i leave him alone he does all the contacting and im just trying to be "friends" like he wants me to be. Im trying to keep the attitude that if its meant to be, it will. He keeps saying he wants me to go with the flow, and give him time and space and this and that..so thats what im doing. Begging, pleading, professing my love .. wont do me a bit of good, been down that rd a long time ago. So i come here and i read what others are going thru and i drive my friends up a wall and i write in a journal and go on with living my life the best way i can with a broken heart. I promise you, no matter the outcome of ur situation, you will be ok and you WILL love again.
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