Adam Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I was dating this 19 year old girl for 4 years. I did everything for her she was my world. We just got back from 10 day trip to Vegas. We get into a fight, i call her a name, she breaks up with me... 4 days later she is with a new guy...It's been a month and a half and i haven't got ONE SINGLE OUNCE of comunication from her. I'm blocked on her AIM, i don't get late night calls, prank calls, drunk calls, nothing! How can she just soooo easily block 4 years out? Everything we did! Wasn't she there too?? Or does just finding someone take away sooo much that it doesnt matter? Because me on the other hand...i'm not myself, i'm going CRAZY!!! I've been doing this NC thing for the entire time, but im dying, crying and going crazy inside not to just pick up the phone and go WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU I LOVE YOU WHY HAVENT YOU CALLED ME!!! lol So i just don't get it? Can someone, anyone help me? Has anyone ever been in the same boat as me...and do they call back ever? I know everyones thinking why would you want her back...i just love her and i feel she is the one...so i dont know? Please a little feedback.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 First of all you need to read the other posts about "The One"or "Soul Mates". Secondly, she probably either never really truly loved you as you thought she did, or she would not have moved on that fast. Also see the other posts on why "Women want their cake and eat it too", sounds like you fell for the wrong kind of chick dude. You both are awfully young, and this kind of thing is to be expected at that age. Post back, I'm sure you are going to go through a lot of pain if indeed things are over. I would hate to see you make the wrong judements if it is over. roost
Josalina Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 she hasn't forgotten, when someone is hurt they look for another person to fill the gap. or maybe... I hate to brake this to you and i hope i am wrong but do u think maybe she was already seeing some1 else as that wud explain y she just finished it over something so petty, maybe she was looking for the fight to finish it? its harsh but that wud explain y she has already moved on in 4 days? just a thought.
Josalina Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 if it is meant to be fate will make your paths cross again in the mean time i know how u r feeling but try to just go out and live for the moment. take care
Touche Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 She was probably already thinking of leaving you way before the name-calling incident. Had you put her down before that? Oh...and you may want to cut out that nasty little habit. It has NO place in a relationship (the name-calling I mean).
swirly27 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Yes you guys are young and this kind od stuff is usually experiences we go thru at that age. But 4 yrs is alot of time and she can't just forget all of that either, but I am thinking as Josalina did....she's young and frugal and I think she may have had already felt distance or lacking with you, as any couple goes thru that and maybe she met someone else that was new and exciting and she used a simple fight to end things so quickly. Name calling is not a good thing at all, but its not usually a reason someone is so quick to jump ship either. NOT AT ALL. She's wrapped up in this new guy and wants nothing to do with you now. I almost am willing to bet you will hear from her again, but I must commend you on sticking straight NC all this time. Its HARD and it SUCKS, but you're doing the right thing. IF she comes back, you need to steer clear of her for a long time, because if you only take her back cause you miss her so much, these same problems and issues will come up again down the line. Good luck!
Touche Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Name-calling IS a reason someone might leave..especially if it wasn't just a one-time thing. Been there, done that and it was reason ENOUGH for me! In my mind it's a form of abuse.
swirly27 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Oh I agree, name calling is bad. But I guess since I don't know the WHOLE scope of the whole relationship, everyone has had a fight with their SO where d**k or A-hole slips out, so if it happened once and thats her reason for splitting, that is shady. But yes, I had an ex before who really laid into the names and back then, I didn't leave for that, but in the end when I did leave, it just added another BIG reason. Its disrespectful and rude and is a form of abuse.
gfto Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 she breaks up with me... 4 days later she is with a new guy... How can she just soooo easily block 4 years out? Everything we did! Wasn't she there too?? Probably not. Women lose interested in a guy gradually. As she's losing interest, she reaches a point where, although she's with you technically, the truth is that she can no longer stand you and is just building up enough resentment to completely cut it off. She could've reached that point one or two years ago. So, although you were completely blindsided, she was probably finished with you a long, long time ago. The name-calling incident didn't lower her interest. (Her interest level in you was already past the point of no return). But, the name-calling probably gave her that excuse she had been waiting for to go ahead and kick you to the curb. The bottom line is that it's over. Start getting new phone numbers.
Author Adam Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 No no no I never was abusive or called her names before. The thing is she broke up with me last year for 6 months. She started to date this guy she just met for a month the last month of the 6 month seperation then she came back to me...we went back out this year for 10 months. Well like i said we just went to Vegas in July for 10 days when we got back she was trying to break up with me over the dumbest things every 2 weeks (example Why are you going through my phone? I can't do this anymore?) i was looking at her pictures she just bought a picture phone. (she posed as another girl on the phone to see if i'd slip up and say something wrong) i didnt but she still wanted to break up with me for not telling her that "another girl" called me. So i go to wal-mart 2 weeks before we break up and i see that guy Collin that she dated for a month and he worked there. I didnt say anything to her..i figure why bring that up? Well we get up 2 weeks later and she said to me " I have to go get some undershirts for College starting up" i said ok where do you want to go she says " i want to go to Meijer (now that struck me as odd because we always would go to Wal-Mart even just to walk around) so i said why not Wal-mart? She said ..ahh i guess thats fine. I said why do you know someone who works there ( me knowing...her not knowing i know) she said "yes" i said who? She says COLLIN! (this is where i got mad) I said how the hell did you know that?!?! She said i ran into him there 3 months ago and i said SO WHY ARE YOU ONLY TELLING ME NOW?!?! God you always keep things from me you SL*T! That was it...4 days later shes at his house. All her friends knew that she talked to him also 3 months ago because i called a few and they were like yeah she told me she ran into him. WHY DIDNT SHE TELL ME!! Also a few weeks ago before we broke up she deleted her MYSPACE and AIM??? Weird she used to love those things..but as soon as we broke up the AIM was back ...but still no Myspace? So yeah maybe i was wrong for calling her a S*UT but i just got angry..and i appoligized for it a minute later "baby im sorry it was a slip of the tounge" the next day even i bought her Im sorry balloons and Roses. I got Nothing no response. Thats why im wondering ...because i feel like crap but was it totally my fault? Will she ever call again? Did i mess up that bad? I mean we were talking about Marriage. I just dont get it...i was the typical nice guy who got F###ed over for a loser wanna be bad ass kinda guy with a crappier car...less money...looks worse...i just dont get it?
Guest Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Been there. I'm still there sort of. And my ex is engaged already. From reading a lot of the posts on this site and from all my first hand knowledge (friends relationships too) girls often have dual personalities and they can be cold as hell. My ex hasn't been without a boyfriend for 8 years (at least) most if not all of them have overlapped with plenty of cheating and lying involved. I've read some scary posts on here where girls talk about having a good side and a bad side. The good side makes the grades and smiles for pictures and the bad side is all one night stands and drinking. My life is still dominated by thoughts of the girl I loved having sex with random guys. I'm trying to let it go and that's all you can do. Anyone who moves on that quickly is not comfortable with themselves or comfortable being alone. I just wish females could appreciate the pain they put men through who love them and cherish them. Try not to let it ruin your life. Your not the first although I know you feel alone. Hopefully you can look to your friends and family.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I just dont get it...i was the typical nice guy who got F###ed over for a loser wanna be bad ass kinda guy with a crappier car...less money...looks worse...i just dont get it? Joing the rest of the nice guys who get dumped on. Man up! No more Mr. nice guy anymore. Start reading books on the apha male, or visit askmen.com. You became to predictable, and too nice. Lot's of women will tell you that's what they want, but they don't want a complete wimp either (Trust me, been there done that). It's tough to find that balanced male that most women seek, but a little homework will help. I'm not saying to become a jerk, that will certainly get you lot's of women but they will wind up dumping the jerk at some point as well, just not as quickly. The jerk with the crappy car and attitude time is marked! roost
climbergirl Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I just dont get it...i was the typical nice guy who got F###ed over for a loser wanna be bad ass kinda guy with a crappier car...less money...looks worse...i just dont get it? Joing the rest of the nice guys who get dumped on. Man up! No more Mr. nice guy anymore. Start reading books on the apha male, or visit askmen.com. You became to predictable, and too nice. Lot's of women will tell you that's what they want, but they don't want a complete wimp either (Trust me, been there done that). It's tough to find that balanced male that most women seek, but a little homework will help. I'm not saying to become a jerk, that will certainly get you lot's of women but they will wind up dumping the jerk at some point as well, just not as quickly. The jerk with the crappy car and attitude time is marked! roost Bad advice IMO. This "you're f'ed because you're a nice guy" crap is getting to me. And too nice? Come on. Slut is a horrible thing to say....it implies (in a woman), no class, no values/morals, easy. I recently dated a guy who called me that if I had contact with any guy. What it really comes down to is insecurity on his part. And control. Huge control. A weapon through words. Maybe that word pushed her towards someone more respectful of her. That I can understand. Name calling should never be dismissed........and repercussions shouldn't be ignored. Learn the lesson that you gotta watch what you say in anger.
Touche Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Excellent post Climber. Could not agree with this more.
climbergirl Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Excellent post Climber. Could not agree with this more. Thanks Touche. I think that some insults, flippant or not, are very hard to forget. A very small percentage of men believe that this particular insult should be easy to retract. Not so. I agree with you, it is a form of verbal abuse. Although the OP may not realize........this character statement is very hard to minimize once said.
Guest Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 sooo you think this is right for her to just go behind his back and he should be happy with it? Your telling me that no other person would be a little upset? Maybe he did overeact but isn't love unconditional? Don't we all regret things we've said in the heat of the moment and had a slip of the tounge? Or this guy deserves this and should be condemed?
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