diane73177 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I have been married 3yrs now and my husband just came clean that he was seeing someone for 3 months. I had always confronted him about it and he has always lied about it. He finally came clean and expects me to trust him. I always catch him in "little" lies. Or I should say stupid lies. Ever since I have meant him I have been very sick. Lately I have been vommiting everyday. Saw the doctor and he asked if he was putting stuff in my drink or food. I don't think he would do that. What do I do I love him but do I stay or leave?? This is my second marriage and I have two kids with my first husband and don't want them to get hurt through all this. Please someone give me advice I don't know weather to leave or stay. Really in need of help. I have talked to a counsler also and he won't go. Please Help !!!
JamesM Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I have some questions... You have been married three years. How old are you? How old is he? Has he been married before? What ended your/his marriage? What brought you two together? Has he had affairs before? What was your previous marriage like? There is no way that he should expect you to trust him. He needs to rebuild that trust. Remember, you trusted him and he betrayed that trust. Now you (rightly so) no longer can trust that he is not cheating..unless he is willing to always (and I mean always) tell you where he is, when he will be home, and be willing to carry a cell phone for instant contact. (yes, in his case it IS an electronic tether!). Good luck. I have heard of women vomiting from nerves and anxiety. So, that could be all it is.
Ladyjane14 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Saw the doctor and he asked if he was putting stuff in my drink or food. Your doctor asked you if you thought maybe your husband was putting something into your food or drink? Hey, if you think there's any possibility the guy might be poisoning you, it's only common sense to get the heck out of there. It's not at all common, but still.... it's been known to happen. If YOU aren't safe, your kids aren't safe either. I'm unclear as to whether your husband has ended his affair yet, but if you're still catching him in lies... that in itself is reason enough for a separation. You don't need 'attempted murder' to justify your decision to leave.
Author diane73177 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 Your doctor asked you if you thought maybe your husband was putting something into your food or drink? Hey, if you think there's any possibility the guy might be poisoning you, it's only common sense to get the heck out of there. It's not at all common, but still.... it's been known to happen. If YOU aren't safe, your kids aren't safe either. I'm unclear as to whether your husband has ended his affair yet, but if you're still catching him in lies... that in itself is reason enough for a separation. You don't need 'attempted murder' to justify your decision to leave. I believe he has ended it but I don't know what to believe anymore. I honestly don't think he would put anything in my food or drink but it kinda scared me when the doctor had said that. He tells me he loves me but why the lies??? I have asked him that so many times and he doesn't seem to think he does that. Well I have put the house up for sale but the market is so saturated that it may take awhile selling. I am just so confused right now.
Author diane73177 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 I have some questions... You have been married three years. How old are you? How old is he? Has he been married before? What ended your/his marriage? What brought you two together? Has he had affairs before? What was your previous marriage like? There is no way that he should expect you to trust him. He needs to rebuild that trust. Remember, you trusted him and he betrayed that trust. Now you (rightly so) no longer can trust that he is not cheating..unless he is willing to always (and I mean always) tell you where he is, when he will be home, and be willing to carry a cell phone for instant contact. (yes, in his case it IS an electronic tether!). Good luck. I have heard of women vomiting from nerves and anxiety. So, that could be all it is. I am 29 and he is 34. Yes we have both been married before. I am not sure what ended his first marriage. Said they fought alot. We started working at the same place became friends and then started dating. I don't know if he has had any other affairs. My first marriage was great but then he became a sheriff deputy and became very controlling. I couldn't handle that anymore. I keep telling him that I need time to trust him and he needs to prove it but it's like he won't. He carries a cell phone all the time because that is all we have and he doesn't answer it alot of time. I have been taking stuff for my anxiety for awhile now. I have been acting as if I don't care what he does anymore or where he goes. I think its making him mad but not sure. Thanks for your reply.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Forget the cheating right now - I'm still stuck on the fact that your dr. asked if he could be poisoning you!!! Are you still getting sick? Have you had your blood tested for toxins? Even if you don't 'think' it's possible, something made your dr. bring it up!
Author diane73177 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 Forget the cheating right now - I'm still stuck on the fact that your dr. asked if he could be poisoning you!!! Are you still getting sick? Have you had your blood tested for toxins? Even if you don't 'think' it's possible, something made your dr. bring it up! Yes I have still been getting sick:( The doctors are still doing test to see what could be causing it and giving me medicine. He told me right now to not take a drink from him or eat anything he makes. So I have been real careful. I don't think they think its poison just stupid stuff like ashes from a cig or stuff like that. Nothing to kill me but to make me real sick and miserable. I wouldn't think he would but yes if my doc brought it up, your right something made him say that.
Ladyjane14 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Don't you have any family members that could put you and the kids up for awhile? What I'm thinking is that if you remove yourself from the environment, and your health does in fact improve... then it stands to reason that there's either an environmental toxin present in the home, or your husband is doing something to make you sick. If there's no place else for you to go, you might consider installing some surveillance video equipment.
EndoftheRope Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 When your DOCTOR suggests the possibility that your husband is poisoning you, I think it's time to consider the unthinkable and unimaginable. Doctors are meant to subscribe to the highest possible ethical standards, and this is NOT a thing to suggest lightly. I know it's bizarre even to think about. I had a hard enough time admitting to myself even such a (by comparison) small thing as that my husband lies. But poisoning spouses DOES happen. Forgive me for throwing in what may seem like an almost unbelievable story, but my great aunt had a male friend, an old man who most certainly was slowly poisoned to death by a younger woman who had befriended him. This woman was convicted and in prison, and still writing to my great aunt trying to befriend HER. My aunt, thank goodness, was smart enough not to be swayed by pretty words, and let one and all know she was not going to be the next elderly victim when this woman got out of jail. You say you don't really know what ended his first marriage. This seems to me, especially in the wake of a first failed marriage of your own, like something that should have been thoroughly discussed and understood. This suggests that you don't really know this man all that well. What you know without a doubt is that he lies, he cheats, and you have been very sick since being with him, and even your doctor, who has a reputation to uphold, thinks he could be poisoning you.
EndoftheRope Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 To your original question: to trust or not to trust? He's proven himself untrustworthy. He's PROVEN this. There is no reason to trust him. My husband, btw, is a very nice guy, a great father, generous, giving, etc., etc. But he also has shown himself to be a liar on certain subjects. I've discovered a multitude of ways he has tricked and deceived me, and misled me. So no, even without a fear of attempted murder, I do not trust him, and it will be many years, AT BEST, before I trust him again, if ever. You have no reason at all to trust this man, and every reason not to.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 You need to remove yourself from this relationship IMO. A big red flag is that he will not go to counseling, that is grounds for termination considering your relationship is falling apart. He has demostrated that he does not care enough about the relationship to satisfy the small demands you have. Sounds like he does not care about you or the relationship. My bet, he is still involved in the affair, they are extremely hard to break. roost
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I just don't even know what to say. Oh wait, yes I do. You and your doctor think there is a strong possibility he is putting something in your drink/food to make you sick!!!! And it should be less of a worry that it's "stupid things like ashes from a cig"???? Forget the trust issue. That's physical abuse and downright criminal behavior!! You need to get out!!!
Author diane73177 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 I am going to actually stay at my moms for a couple of weeks and see if I still get sick. If I don't get sick then I know its from something at our house. You guys have all been very helpful and I appreciate it so much!!! It's nice to know that there are other people out there that you can talk to that is going through a similar situation. I will have to wait and see what happens when I am away from him for awhile and go from there.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I am going to actually stay at my moms for a couple of weeks and see if I still get sick. If I don't get sick then I know its from something at our house. You guys have all been very helpful and I appreciate it so much!!! It's nice to know that there are other people out there that you can talk to that is going through a similar situation. I will have to wait and see what happens when I am away from him for awhile and go from there. Thank goodness! Hang in there.
happymom Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 hello.. I, too have had my husband violate our marriage. He came on to my best friend two months ago. Although it wasn't sex, I believe it could have if she wasn't the friend that she is. He has done all the apologies, but the trust and feelings are gone. As for getting sick... I believe that I may have an ulcer or at minimum some type of reflux going on due to the stress and hurt. I imagine the things he said to her every day still..2 months later. It's horrible. I plan on filing for divorce and getting away as soon as possible. He wants to do everything "right" now, but it's too late. For the sake of your children get out soon. I have a son and I don't want him to have a depressed and sad mom. I want to have energy for him. Children deserve that...
Guest Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 I feel sick for you. Your husband doesnt' care if you trust him or not, and without councilling and therapy it will never happen. If you are getting sick from him tampering with your food, what if the kids had some of your food? And if you're getting sick from emotions and stress than that is also enough reason to get out. If he lacks the empathy to do whatever he can to make you feel better, I'm sorry to say it but that doesn't sound like enough to base a friendship on never mind a marriage. Sorry, please take care of yourself and your kids
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