Values Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I am back at this website after months away for various reasons. The reason for this post is my interest in asking a girl out. I'm 27 and I think she is about the same age as me. We have some things in common although we really don't know each other at all. I met her a couple times, once in 2004 and once again in 2005 over a year ago. I heard a couple months ago that she was single after what I think was a serious relationship. I have been single for nearly 7 months after the most serious relationship I could have imagined. The first time I saw her in 04 I thought she was really attractive. The second time I talked to her for a couple minutes and was astounded by her beauty. I was involved at the time though with the love of my life and I'm not a cheater. Here's the reason for my post. She works at a bank near me right across the street from a real estate office I am associated with. This is a small town, but I never run across her and don't know anything about her really. I want to approach her to ask her out, but only have one way. Her bank is usually busy and the few times I've been in there I haven't seen her office. Her phone numbers, email, etc. is available on their website, but I don't know how I should contact her. I could go inside the office, hope that she's there and not busy and talk to her like that, but I don't want to be too forward. It's either go inside face to face for no other reason than to ask her out, or call her, or email her. The only go between is the woman who told me she was single, and nice as she is she's in her 70's and probably will not workout to establish contact. What do I do to talk to this girl and see if she's interested? I've lost some confidence and desire due to an evil ex-girlfriend, but I want good things in my future.
Sally00 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 You can go in there (whenever she's there too) and be like, "Hey!! I didn't know you worked here" or something like that... Then you can do some small talk... ask how her day's been and what's new with her. Maybe eventually you can bring up some restaurant you want to try or some movie you heard was good... then casually see if she wants to come.
Author Values Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 I know she works there and she most likely knows I know. I feel like small talk would be wierd in that situation. I don't want to do the wrong thing, but it feels like my only choices are 1. Go in there to ask her out after maybe a short explanantion of how I found out she was single. 2. Send an email or make a phone call to her at work. I feel like this is a bad idea. She doesn't live in this town as far as I know and we have no mutual acquaintances. At this point she may not be interested in me at all when I go in there. I doubt that she even has thought about me since our chance encounter over a year ago.
alphamale Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I doubt that she even has thought about me since our chance encounter over a year ago. if she knows you work in the area and has not shown any interest then its probably best to drop the whole thing. women will let you know when they are interested and then they will go out of their way to make themselves available to you. if she has not done this then she's probably not interested.
serial muse Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 if she knows you work in the area and has not shown any interest then its probably best to drop the whole thing. women will let you know when they are interested and then they will go out of their way to make themselves available to you. if she has not done this then she's probably not interested. well, except that she may not know he's single now, since he wasn't the last time they met. he was with the "love of his life" (i hope you don't think that anymore, though, values, if you're going to date someone new). i think you have to do it face-to-face, not by phone or email - to be honest, she may not remember you if it's been a year since you last met, and you only met twice anyway. i say, fortune favors the bold. walk in and find her, and ask her out.
alphamale Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 i say, fortune favors the bold. do you think that Hitler would agree with this?
Frustrated_in_LA Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I don't agree- she may not have been thinking about you or trying to attract you but that doesn't mean she won't respond if you initiate contact. Make the move. go in there and talk to her- you can't just call or email her if you haven't seen her in so long, you need to make in person contact. women appreciate a guy who takes the lead. but don't tell her- hey i heard you were single and I'm here to ask you out- that's too blunt and you don't want to bring up her past relationship. just go there, tell her you remembered she worked there and thought it would be nice to have lunch or drinks after work sometime. keep it simple, but ask her out. you don't have to, or should you explain your motives or thinking beyond asking her to go out with you. the more you overthink the more nervous and anxious you will be and that will come across. keep it simple and light, and you'll come off as confident and pleasant rather than stalkerish. good luck!
Author Values Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 I don't agree- she may not have been thinking about you or trying to attract you but that doesn't mean she won't respond if you initiate contact. Make the move. go in there and talk to her- you can't just call or email her if you haven't seen her in so long, you need to make in person contact. women appreciate a guy who takes the lead. but don't tell her- hey i heard you were single and I'm here to ask you out- that's too blunt and you don't want to bring up her past relationship. just go there, tell her you remembered she worked there and thought it would be nice to have lunch or drinks after work sometime. keep it simple, but ask her out. you don't have to, or should you explain your motives or thinking beyond asking her to go out with you. the more you overthink the more nervous and anxious you will be and that will come across. keep it simple and light, and you'll come off as confident and pleasant rather than stalkerish. good luck! This is what I'm looking for. The two times we met, it was from a business standpoint. There was nothing else going on. The first time I walked into an office and didn't even know she existed up to that point. The second time it was when I was answering phones at the office one day and she was in there to give some info to another realtor. It's as simple as this. I want to go out with an attractive girl who works near me, but lives a few miles away (I think) I can think of no other ways I will ever be able to see or talk to her other than just walking in and stating my case. This is a small town though, and whatever happens I just want to come off like an interested guy asking a girl out. Nothing else. I really wanted the female opinion here on whether or not they would be embarrased or too shocked if a guy did this in the middle of the day where they worked?
serial muse Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 do you think that Hitler would agree with this? that's ****ed up. whilst you remove the stick up your butt, smartypants, i refer you to the quote's source, virgil. ...or better yet, pliny the elder, who was a commander of a fleet of war ships in AD 79 and is said to have uttered the phrase on his way to rescue people from Mount Vesuvius during its eruption. so yeah, if hitler had read the aeneid, i suppose he would have agreed. at least that the quote exists.
serial muse Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I don't agree- she may not have been thinking about you or trying to attract you but that doesn't mean she won't respond if you initiate contact. Make the move. go in there and talk to her- you can't just call or email her if you haven't seen her in so long, you need to make in person contact. women appreciate a guy who takes the lead. but don't tell her- hey i heard you were single and I'm here to ask you out- that's too blunt and you don't want to bring up her past relationship. just go there, tell her you remembered she worked there and thought it would be nice to have lunch or drinks after work sometime. keep it simple, but ask her out. you don't have to, or should you explain your motives or thinking beyond asking her to go out with you. the more you overthink the more nervous and anxious you will be and that will come across. keep it simple and light, and you'll come off as confident and pleasant rather than stalkerish. good luck! yes, this is exactly what i was saying in my earlier post. so you can add this female's opinion to frustrated's.
gfto Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 maybe a short explanantion of how I found out she was single. Whatever you do, DON'T do this.
Author Values Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 Thanks for the advice gfto. It's going to be odd if I just walk in her busy office with the sole purpose of asking her out. I didn't know if I should preface it or not. I'm planning on saying something like...... "It's been a while since the first couple of times I met you, but I was really impressed by you. Even though we work in the same area our paths don't cross at all, so if I was going to talk to you I figured I would just have to walk in and say hello. Really, I came in to ask if I could call you sometime soon and to see if you might be interested in going out?
gfto Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 "It's been a while since the first couple of times I met you, but I was really impressed by you. Even though we work in the same area our paths don't cross at all, so if I was going to talk to you I figured I would just have to walk in and say hello. Really, I came in to ask if I could call you sometime soon and to see if you might be interested in going out? I think that's way too serious. You always want to keep it light and funny. If you can get some small talk going with her, simply ask her if she'd like to have a cup of coffee with you. Don't get into this "I've seen you a few times, and I'd like to go out with you sometime" nonsense. It shows that you're unsure of yourself and expect to get turned down. Confidence. Now, your particular situation is very difficult, because you're basically going in cold. You're essentially inviting a total stranger on a date. You're gonna have to find some way to get into a light conversation with her about the weather, sports, whatever. Then, just go for it. But, as for just walking into the bank cold, approaching her and asking her out, that's gonna be a long shot. Is there a neighborbood bar or someplace where she hangs out? If so, that would be a much better environment in which to approach her.
Author Values Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 I guess it's a good thing I asked for advice. I know it will be hard to make this work cold, but I don't know if I have any other choice. In a small town like this I'm sure she remembers me and would recognize me when I walk in. But that's all. She would probably be thinking that I am there to solicit business which is what I was doing the first time I ever saw her. Another thing about this is that it's not like I'm crazy about this girl or anything, I'm really just trying to put the pieces back together from losing the girl (7 months ago) I thought I was going to marry. I live in a small town with a very limited social scene that I am not a part of. I moved away from a happeing college town to save money here and marry my girlfriend and that person turned out to be the devil so here I am. If I did anything to try and find out her hangouts or habits, that would be creepy and obsessive and I just wouldn't feel comfortable doing that. (Been there before and didn't like the feeling) So I'm left with trying to work the angle of our mutual 70+ year old acquaintance in the business or just going in cold. Due to me dedicating my life to marrying my now ex, I am living a bleak existence. I don't consider myself desparate, because I don't want to put any future happiness into hopes with a girl, but I'm ready for a change. My ex is engaged already, and here I am on a website asking for pick up advice. SAD. I guess I'll narrow it down to..... "I haven't bumped into you in a while, but I would like to get to know you better. Would you like to have lunch with me sometime?" The problem I see is that I'm going in there for one reason and one reason only.
Road Rage Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Reminds me of the time years ago I went into a bank to ask a girl out. I had know her a while and used to talk to her at the teller window and she seemed friendly. So finally I mustered the courage to ask and just before the words came out my mouth I noticed her name plate on the counter had changed and I realized she had gotten married! A real close call with total embarrasment:sick:
Noos Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 Under no circumstances should you use the email option. It will prove that you have given seeing her too much thought because you have clearly put in the effort to find her email address. Just go in and ask her if she'd like to go for coffee sometime. It doesn't matter how you found out that she works there. If she asks, say you can't remember or that you have a vague idea of someone mentioning it to you and you just dropped in to say hi. If you really need a reason, go in and open a savings account! Do not use her email address - it's stalkerish.
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