BUTAFLY Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 It seems each thread ends up discussing the OW being stupid for believing a MM and the W being silly for taking him back. Why hasn't the attention ever get put on the man? why not put the focus on him being HE is the one that brought the pain into both womens lives? instead the debate continues -OW vs W its exhausting.
once removed Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 LOL I think your quoke says it all!!!!!!!
consternation Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Because the MM is a dead loss, whereas the OW and W can hope to learn from their mistakes and do better for the future.
Island Girl Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 If women weren't willing to be the OW, less men would be able to be out there playing around. At the very least women should repect themselves enough to want and demand the whole package of a relationship. Not just stolen seemingly perfect moments with someone else's man. But you know the end of the story. The honeymoon is over when the mistress suddenly starts acting like a girlfriend or a wife. Demanding time and attention and upset over rescheduling or missed phone calls.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Because the MM is a dead loss, whereas the OW and W can hope to learn from their mistakes and do better for the future. true. i think it's already a given that it's largely the man's fault. but often you'll see an OW say "i didn't know he was married." that could be true in some cases. a married man, however, has no excuse and everyone knows that already.
Author BUTAFLY Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 If women weren't willing to be the OW, less men would be able to be out there playing around. The blame goes to the OW. He is the on that accepted this relationship. If it wasn't the OW he is with now it would some other lady. He is the common denominator in the sinario. I see it as this: Would you blame the person who got there car stolen because they left it unlocked or would you blame the thief? Would you blame the girl who wears short skirt if she got raped or would you blame the rapist? You can't tell everyone to lock their doors or don't wear revealing cloths but you can hold the thief and rapist accountable. just as you can't tell every woman not to start a relationship w/ a mm but you can make the mm accountable and should not even go their because HE's Married.
alphamale Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Why hasn't the attention ever get put on the man? because BUTAFLY...it is always the woman who chooses the man she wants to be with. and by "chooses" I mean the woman always has the final say.
silktricks Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 because BUTAFLY...it is always the woman who chooses the man she wants to be with. and by "chooses" I mean the woman always has the final say. A number of psychological studies have shown that it is far beyond the FINAL say, but rather it is almost ALWAYS the woman who initiates contact. If you look at the animal kingdom you can see the same thing. A bull doesn't approach a cow that is not ready and willing. The cow gives the signal. Humans are the same. The woman is the one who signals her willingness. Butafly, the real reason, though that the postings are so often OW vs W, is because it is usually the wives and the other women who want the man. Conversely, when it is an OM who is posting, or a husband, it is not usually about the woman, it is about the OM and the husband.
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Because women compete. In general. Mom's and daughter in laws etc.. Here's something, and look for this when you're out next time. Have you honestly ever seen a woman hold open another door for another woman? Someone they don't know, say at a restaurant? Im not talking old ladies, I'm talking younger 20's - 35's age range. My husband pointed that out to me. I've seen it but I've also seen women purposely not hold the door open too. Also, (most) women are thinkers, talkers and reacters, where as (most)men are more laid back and don't like alot of drama.
Author BUTAFLY Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 If women weren't willing to be the OW, less men would be able to be out there playing around. it is almost ALWAYS the woman who initiates contact. it is always the woman who chooses the man she wants to be with. and by "chooses" I mean the woman always has the final say. So the consensus is MM has little control of the matter therefore behavior is overlooked & its the ow that is at fault to begin with? Ps-I don't know of any story where the women was the initator.
consternation Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Yes, the consensus is that men are lustful beasts that can't control their behaviour, women are more refined and must be responsible for enforcing moral standards. Groan.
girlygirl1976 Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 "A number of psychological studies have shown that it is far beyond the FINAL say, but rather it is almost ALWAYS the woman who initiates contact. If you look at the animal kingdom you can see the same thing. A bull doesn't approach a cow that is not ready and willing. The cow gives the signal. Humans are the same. The woman is the one who signals her willingness. " So true, as proven with online dating... men love to set up profiles but most will rarely ever intitate anything (unless she looks like Pamela Anderson... apparently there's a fuzzy boundry in there where amount of cleavage makes up for lack of balls)
IngenueMisnomer Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I think all parties involved should take full responsibility for their actions. Both the OW and MM are at fault for their participation in an A and I say that as a OW myself. There is no way that I will blame my MM or his W for what I have allowed myself to be involved in. I know that despite my better judgement and rational mind I became involved in a dead-end situation. That is no one else's burden to bear but my own.
consternation Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 When some creep harasses you at work, its definitely because you're signalling your willingness. Yeah.. when I'm waiting for a friend at a club and some jerk comes up and tries to hit on me ... I'm definitely sending out signals. Yes, the what... one woman raped every 2 minutes?? yeah, they were definitely sending out those come-get-me signals. Please!!!
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Without knowing each and every situation, I don't think it's fair to place blame squarely on either the MM or the OW. I ended my affair because it was a dumb choice for ME - not because of what society says or because I was worried people would question my morals. I think it seems as if we OWs (former or otherwise) get bashed in here a lot because we are the ones who post in here so much. We put ourselves out there. I'm glad I did come here. I really got a lot of support. The out-and-out bashers here, I don't pay attention to. That's not to say that I'm not open to hearing other views, and I don't just gloss over what I don't want to "hear".
Island Girl Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 The "blame" for an affair goes to the man. The "blame" for entering into a relationship that is hurtful to yourself and other people -- knowingly, or knowingly keeping it going after it is discovered that he is a MM -that goes to the OW. A woman should repect herself more than settling for 2nd. BTW, Comparing an affair to a stolen car or rape is ridiculous.
silktricks Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Ps-I don't know of any story where the women was the initator. Then you haven't been reading around here lately, because there've been some pretty flagrant ones - oh yeah, and there were men on who talked about them --- but then they were chased off by the women. Go figure. Women don't like to hear that they can be the "bad guys" so they/we selectively choose to not "remember" hearing any story where they/we were. Ipso facto, the men are always the initiators and therefore the bad guys.
GreenEyedLady Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 ST: Well, THEY are the ones who are MARRIED.
silktricks Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 ST: Well, THEY are the ones who are MARRIED. That's right, they're married - so what the "H" are you doing with them? And the point was that Butafly didn't remember hearing about any stories where the woman was the initiator. There have been a few lately that were BLATANTLY the initiators. But somehow those are conveniently "forgotten".
GreenEyedLady Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Well, my story is one of those where I was pursued by my MM, all along thinking he was single. My point mainly was that OW are bashed as being immoral and the "bad guys" and the men are just let off the hook. They took the vows. They know that they're married.
RecordProducer Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Because the MM is a dead loss, whereas the OW and W can hope to learn from their mistakes and do better for the future. Hahah! For someone who gets to enjoy two women at the same time, he is far from any losses! I do blame the MM for the affair - the pain he causes to his wife. I do blame the OW for having so little respect for herself. I don't blame the wife for going ballistic or staying with her husband for many reasons. She is the one who deals with consequences of something she didn't choose, but perhaps contributed or allowed it to happen in one way or another.
RecordProducer Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 The woman is the one who signals her willingness. " 1. Nobody said that the OW was forced to have sex with the MM. 2. Even if the OW hit on the MM, it doesn't make him any less guilty. Temptation is a poor excuse. I don't want a husband who will be tempted to put his dick in another woman's vagina! 3. Women don't always give signals. I've been hit by the creepiest men when most in love with someone else. Which signals did I give them? I know which... I exist!
alphamale Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 3. Women don't always give signals. I've been hit by the creepiest men when most in love with someone else. Which signals did I give them? I know which... I exist! but you rejected the advances of these so-called "creeps". the OW did not reject the advances of the MM when she should have. she decided to be with MM even though she was fully aware he is married. it is her fault because women are the ones who decided yes or no, just like you did.
scaredinlove Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 A number of psychological studies have shown that it is far beyond the FINAL say, but rather it is almost ALWAYS the woman who initiates contact. If you look at the animal kingdom you can see the same thing. A bull doesn't approach a cow that is not ready and willing. The cow gives the signal. Humans are the same. The woman is the one who signals her willingness. Butafly, the real reason, though that the postings are so often OW vs W, is because it is usually the wives and the other women who want the man. Conversely, when it is an OM who is posting, or a husband, it is not usually about the woman, it is about the OM and the husband. That is not true! In my experience man goes after the woman all the time.I have man coming on to me me constantly,and mahy are married.And I don't dress provocative or flirt or give any green lights ( I don't look like Angelina Jolie either), they just keep trying.I ignored my MM for 8 months,we used to work together and he was always after me.I feel in love with him and I still ignored him, but he didin' gave up.We only had sex after a yr and a half of being emotionally envolved.
whichwayisup Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 But YOU chose to say yes, even after all that time of saying no. He got under your skin enough and then you couldn't say no.
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