Apart for 7 months has she changed?

[Values]

On Valentine's Day earlier this year the love of my life broke up with me after a few months of troubles. We met in April of 2003, while she was nearing the end of a long term relationship. After a couple months of me trying to be with her (May & June 03) and then 2 more months of me trying to forget her she said she was ready to start a relationship with me. I learned that she had still been seeing her long term boyfriend (who already bought a ring) over the summer and she was breaking up with him finally.

We started our relationship in September 2003 and it progressed amazingly. Eventually when we started having sex it was out of this world, but we made sure that was not the basis of our relationship. We were best friends, I think.

From what she and others said, the guy she had just broken up with was destroyed. He had the engagement ring and although she told me she never agreed to marrying him, I now think she lied. After about 2 months of our being together she said she knew she was going to marry me and that if I asked her she would say yes. I was happy but scared at the thought of what if it doesn't happen cause I was hooked on her.

After about a year together, she moved home to work for her dad and to finish school and I moved to a different town to work and save money for our marriage and life together. She sent me all the cute letters and cards saying how much she couldn't wait to be my wife.

After our break-up this year, I found out she had been seeing another guy for about 9 months. He was a good guy, a quality individual who knew nothing about me. (We talked extensively about her). I hate to think of the fact that me and him both felt she had a few other rendevous in there too. My baby was having sex behind my back and lying terribly.

She destroyed the guy before me, then me, then the guy she cheated on me with. She has never been without a boyfriend since about 1998. About 8 years going from one to another with no break in between and only male heartache to mark the road. Now she's been in a relationship for about 8 months and has a ring on her finger.

HAS SHE CHANGED? I loved her more than anything ever. Here's her rundown....

 

-lied to me at the start of our relationship about the guy she was with

-I think she mislead a guy in her hometown between him and me

-told me of her past being suicidal after some trauma

-Lied to me during our relationship and cheated on me with a good person

-used going to church and desire to be good christian in lies to many

-ate Christmas dinner with 2 boyfriends' families just days apart

-kept these lies going to family and friends and preacher for a year

-is now engaged to a guy who I know she lied to when she met him

-is from a wealthy family, but says mom and dad sent her to live with

grandma until she was about 7 while her older sister lived at home

-always picked good, postive, motivated guys for relationships to destroy

 

I hate to admit it but marrying her and having a life together was my life's goal and even though I know somethings wrong with her it still hurts me after nearly 7 months. I wonder if she has a disorder and will she destroy her now fiancee, too.

[garnet]

In answer to your question, yes, she clearly has a disorder, and it's very unlikely that she has changed. I sense that you're asking yourself this because you're wondering if the guy she is with now has somehow gotten the prize, won the woman you wanted after she finally "changed." When someone exhibits a behavior pattern like this, it takes a long time and a lot of self reflection for them to change, if they ever do. The fact that she's continued to go from one relationship to the next tells me that change is highly unlikely.

 

I would thank my lucky stars that she is marrying someone else and not you. She sounds like a selfish, narcissistic and dangerous person. As much as it hurts you right now, in the long run you're much better off without her.

[Values]

She totally removed my desire to live, she ruined my life. This beautiful flower has had 4 guys now get serious about marriage. I was ready to buy the ring, she had one bought for her before me, and now she's engaged for real. I just don't understand how she could be so evil and treat those who love her in such a bad way, but constantly have good things happen to her. Her life is full on money, opportunity, and love from others. I mean she looked right in my eyes and told some outlandish whoppers. She even made up a story about a dying relative in the hospital to take a secret trip last Thanksgiving.

 

It seems cosmically wrong that so much good can be bestowed upon her and she has created a path of destruction through all of it. I feel there is no justice in the supernatural, karmic kind of way. I want her to experience the pain she has caused others, but she keeps getting a free pass. Since she left me I have lived in the temporary world I thought leave when we married. I have to force myself to go through the motions everyday while she has been having the time of her life all year long. I'm tired of it. I started and ran a successful business to be worthy of her and her family. I never even came close to cheating on her and was a fool for so long. I wish I could just put it all behind me, but the thoughts of my sweet sexy girl doing bad things to herself or with others fill my head.

[garnet]

she is a sociopath. The only way someone can do the things she does is to not have a conscience. She is not "sweet" as you describe.

 

As for the karmic justice thing, consider this: I am convinced that the ability to treat others poorly comes from a deep-seated loathing of oneself. It doesn't matter how much love she is receiving from others or what good things *seem* to come her way. Deep down she is not happy with herself...it just isn't possible. So, without that, the happiness she *seems* to have with others cannot be real. And also, I do think the universe has a way of delivering "what comes around", it just takes longer sometimes.

[Values]

Maybe you're right Garnet. If she changes for this guy and they live happily ever after I will be jealous. I just don't see how I could be so good and end up in hell, and she is the devil but gets to live in heaven. I can say if she does the same thing to this guy, it will be bad for him. I'm surprised she hasn't driven anyone to suicide yet. It's that tough to get over her as bad as she is. One thing that made me feel better months ago about moving on is thinking of how terrible a mother she would be. She seemed so sweet and nice, she loved, "The Notebook" and her fluffy dog. I guess I'm trying to permanently file her away as this or that when I really just want to be over her. The thought of remembering her forever scares me down to my core.

[Values]

Her being back in my head made me remember one of her old screen names "IslandGirl" I searched posts on this site under that name and there was one regarding someone having an affair with a married man, probably not her but who knows.

Anyway the reason for this post is, I have wondered recently what her warped brain compelled her to say online add to that the fact I was aware of her membership in a site called womansavers/manhaters.com. I searched IslandGirl posts on that site and she was on there talking about how bad it is when men cheat. She was giving other women advice on how to deal with a cheating man, and saying stuff about how "God" knows and about "God" as a judge. This is the same girl that wrote me the I'm going to marry you letters and had the hottest sex with me you can imagine while cheating on me. It's just wierd that even in her private moments she can't be honest. Even when she doesn't have to lie, she still shows a false persona. Reading and knowing this stuff really helps out, you don't want to get too deep, but finding out some info can be good sometimes. IslandGirl you are one messed up person!

[Island Girl]

Values:

 

Thanks for bashing me and giving another perspective about your personality. If jumping to conclusions and making incorrect assumptions were an Olympic sport, you'd get the gold buddy.

 

FYI Guy -- I am not your ex. I was happily dating my now husband -- yes, did the whole engagement and wedding to completion --- when you were having your relationship with this sociopathic girl.

 

You said, "probably not her but who knows", and yet at the end you say I am messed up.

 

--I am not "messed up".

--I have never dated you.

--I don't know you.

--My family is not wealthy. I was never sent to live with my grandmother.

--I would think that if you knew this girl well enough to ask her to marry you, you would be able to tell how she writes or words or phrases she would use. Perhaps you never knew her at all.

-- I have never --- NEVER -- been on a site called womansavers/manhaters. I don't hate men. Not in the least. I felt sorry for you when I read your initial post and even discussed it today. I was remarking that the girl who did this to you was terrible and since she was doing this back to back with guys over and over again that it was my opinion she is going to keep doing it.

 

But quite possibly you have given us a skewed perspective about what actually happened in reality as opposed to what acually happened in real life.

 

The way you went on to put words in my mouth after I assuming I am your ex, well, I am not a false persona. I am honest. And AGAIN don't even know you. Do you need further clarification of that?!!!

 

You really owe me an apology for bashing me and posting things and attributing them to me that aren't true.

[Values]

I don't think I owe YOU an apology and due to the mix up you have not been able to see, I will not ask for one in return from you. Your name on here is Island Girl with a space in between. The name I was referring to on this site is IslandGirl with no space. Go ahead and search it, you'll find 2 posts from that person. That IslandGirl has no info in her profile like you do. I have never seen your screen name until this morning. I think if you look a little deeper you will find there was a just two very similar screen names. If I had been aware of your presence on this site I would have been sure to clarify that I'm not talking about the northern Nevada one. Sorry for the mixup. I can say that everything I've said on this site about my past relationship has been true, (otherwise what's the point?) and I don't appreciate you trashing me so quickly.