buddyboy101 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Hi, I'm a little surprised I'm posting this, but I feel like the more advice, the better. I was hesitant to post, but seeing that the last poster was named "tanbark" (I'm a huge Dredg fan) made me register! About me: I'm 21, senior in Boston university. This past winter (January 2006), me and my best friend ("Jane") from back home started talking everyday over the phone. She goes to the University of Kansas...my first long distance relationship. Valentines Day approached and we celebrated the holiday. She visited for St. Patty's Day and we had the most wonderful weekend together. Then she came again in the spring ("love can't wait"), and then spent the summer back home together. Now I'm back at school, and things seem different. She doesn't make me her first priority anymore - she knows I would do anything for her and always be there for her, but I don't think she feels the same way about me. I feel like she has taken me for granted and fails to show (if) she still appreciates me. We still talk every day - at least a few times, but it doesn't feel the same. She used to write me cute emails and text messages, but those days seem to be over. She has a fall break coming up, and she wanted to go to Colorado to visit her friend megan - which I'm totally cool with. I told her that if it didn't work out, to come visit me instead of doing nothing. Well I caught hell for that and she listed 1000 reasons why that wouldn't work. That really hurt my feelings - why wouldn't she want to come visit if she loved me? She's a very indepedent girl - strong, free-spirited, artsy, doesn't like to be told what to do. I love that about her, but sometimes I think she has no feelings - a robot!!!! She's more brain than heart, and I'm the other way around. Sometimes that really hurts and makes things tough for both of us. My roommate once told me after six months the honeymoon eventually ends, and the relationship becomes work. Maybe that's what I'm encountering? But I'm not sure if a healthy relationship involves such feelings of distance.... Even though I love her dearly, I almost want to take a break and let her see how things are when I'm not there for her. Is this a bad idea? I suppose if we're really meant for each other, then it shouldn't end our relationship altogether. But what if she gets with other guys during the break? I guess that's the price of the gamble... If you have any advice to offer, I would really appreciate it. If I'm being a total pussy, please tell me. We've been together for 8 months, and this is my longest relationship - so I don't really know what's normal... Thanks Frank
Rooster_DAR Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 She's a very indepedent girl - strong, free-spirited, artsy, doesn't like to be told what to do. I love that about her, but sometimes I think she has no feelings - a robot!!!! She's more brain than heart, and I'm the other way around. Sometimes that really hurts and makes things tough for both of us. (She sounds a little too independant if you ask me, these kind of girls/women are dangerous)Sounds like your about to get the dreadful "I need my space" or "Let's be friends" talk. My advice, don't give into to her every whim, don't do evertyhing for her, and make yourself scarce to her. The more you try to put effort in at this point, the worse things are going to get. If she is mature you may be able to sit down and have a long talk about all of this, But from what you describe, it sounds like this is not the case. You guys are very young, so this should be not surprise to you. You are going to experience breakups, and probably more than just a couple throughout your life. I think (from what I'm hearing) you are on the borderline of a breakup. For gods sake don't cave in and start becoming needy, clingy, or begging of her. This will not only bring the final end, but you will lose your dignity along the way. Roost
Guest Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Hey Roost, thanks for the advice. I agree with what you've said. Hopefully my brian will kick things into high gear and I can get over her
Rooster_DAR Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Hopefully my brian will kick things into high gear and I can get over her So your dating Brian now? Boy she really did a number on you guy!
Touche Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Hopefully my brian will kick things into high gear and I can get over her So your dating Brian now? Boy she really did a number on you guy! Ha!!!! Ha!!! Is Brian cute at least?
Spinderella Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I really think even the most independent girl would feel threatened by her boyfriends gay lover, especially if he is cute. Seriously though you do need to show her that you are also independent. You don't say what the list of reasons she had for you spending time together not working out was. Maybe it is irrelevant, and the fact that she did not want to spend time with you is enough. Maybe she is just testing to see how much freedom she has with you.
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