Shantel Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 i'm not sure if this is the right place to post this, but i really need some advice. i'm nineteen years old and am in a stable, loving relationship with my partner, we are very happy together and have been together for quite some time now, and recently i have decided that this is the man i want to lose my virginity to. this is something that is a big decision for me, i know for sure that i have made it for the right reasons, i am not the type of person to have sex for anything less than real love. however there is a problem, i have extremely over protective parents, despite my age, my parents would never approve of me having sex, the only way i could possibly have sex would be by lying to them, which i would hate to have to do.. but i know that i have to live my life too. i know the obvious advice would be to talk to them and explain how i feel, but believe me when i say that it would not help, they will not change their minds, no matter what i can say. i have tried to casually hint that i will one day have sex, and the result was a large argument over just the mere suggestion that i might. i don't know what to do, do i follow my heart and hide the truth from my parents, or do i just listen to my parents about this issue? and before you all think badly of my parents, they really are the most wonderful of people, and i know that they do love me more than anything, even if they are too protective, i know it's only because in their hearts they believe that they are doing what is best for me, so please do not think otherwise. thank you for your help, i really appreciate it.
LaGreenEyeZ Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Well in my opinion you are an adult now so whether or not to have sex is YOUR decision, not your parent's and if you don't think that telling them will help,don't.Im not encouraging you to lie, but i know its hard telling the truth to people who won't hear it, or are just going to make you feel bad, instead of trying to understand why you are choosing to do it. At the same time i understand why your parents feel this way when you bring sex up, even though you are an adult,they will always see you as their "little girl", and im sure you having sex is not something pleasant for them to have to think about.Yet they also need to realize that eventually it WILL happent.Just do what you feel, but wheigh your options, and think if there will be any consequences to your actions. Best of Wishes:)
norajane Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Of course your parents want what's best for you. They might be thinking about how you could get emotionally hurt, unplanned pregnancy, STD's, or even falling in love too soon and too deeply and abandoning your college education, etc. My parents were just like that! However, if you know that you are sure about this guy, and you are taking all the precautions necessary regarding birth control and STD protection, you should be able to make this decision for yourself without having to tell your parents. You are an adult and they don't have to know about your sex life; at your age, you don't need their approval. You will be lying to them, though, and if you're still living at home, you'll be sneaking around. That can take a toll on your conscience. That's why you need to make this decision for yourself and believe that you are doing what's right for you. Otherwise, you won't be able to have sex without guilt...and guilt tends to make sex a bad experience.
HokeyReligions Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Does he love you? Is he willing to make a commitment to you? Are you in a place in your life where you are ready to move out on your own? Like the others said, you will always be their little girl. I don't know (don't need to know) what their religious beliefs are, but that may play a big part in their feelings of pre-marital sex. Knowing that you have become sexually active could hurt their feelings, but that is part of being a parent too and letting go hurts sometimes. They won't stop loving you because of it. Have they discussed sex with you at all? Did you get "the talk" when you were younger? The decision is yours, as others said make sure you know about and take precautions against pregnancy and STDs (condom and birth control) and don't tell them when because you will know that they are thinking about it and it will spoil it for you! If you do make the decision and they find out that you are no longer a virgin, assure them that you listened to them about safe sex and love and that you are being a responsible adult - everything they taught you to be. Tell them that you know you may get your heart broken at some point and that you know they love you and will be there for you, and tell them you love them too. The old saying "if in doubt, don't" comes to mind. You have decided this is the man, but you don't have to decide to have sex immediately - you have planty of time to ease into the situation with him and with your parents. If you talk about it around them - even if they clam up - they will at least be hearing it and getting used to the idea that their little girl is grown. They have probably already had their own discussion of "she's going to whether we like it or not" and it freaks them out. Eventually they will accept it to some degree.
Guest Posted October 4, 2006 Posted October 4, 2006 Hey hun, I'm the same age as you are. I think you are being very responsible about sex and I give you so much credit. I know that parents can be so over protective I have a mother like that. "Stay innocent as long as possible" is what she always tells me. I haven't lost my virginity but I'm not going to wait for marriage if the right person comes along. If you are going to have sex then it is going to happen all I can tell you is have protection and I know you want a solution to this parent thing but they are never going to be alright with you having sex. You're their little girl and until they die or run away they control your life. Think of it this way it is better that they care then just ignore the fact. Last bit of advice what mommy and daddy don't know will never give them a heart attack and you a never ending argument. Good luck girl.
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