divorce,dating, and kids

[Guest]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 months exclusively. He has been divorced for 2 years. I have been divorced for 1 year. He has a 9 year old son.

 

I have heard so many cute things about him. I see pictures of him all the time. His dad takes him on outings just the two of them; fishing, camping, golfing. His dad is so protective of him (maybe even sheltering). I do believe there is no rush for anything. I want the time to be right to meet him. My boyfriend has mentioned that the look in his son eyes when he tells him he has a special friend, because its not his mother, will kill him.

 

What to do? I am just so excited to meet him. He does consider my feelings, but I don't want to come across as being too assertive.

 

KJ

[delnoire]

Speaking as a father who is sort of in the same position as your bf's ex, this is the advice I give to you.

 

His son is going to have to accept the fact that his parents aren't together anymore eventually, so the fact that his father is trying to protect him from it, might actually be prolonging the hope that daddy and mommy will get back together.

 

When you do meet his son, its important that you not come on too strong. Be relaxed, have fun. I know you already must know this, but I'll say it anyways, DO NOT TRY TO ACT LIKE HIS MOTHER. That will only cause resentment and delay his acceptance of the situation. If its proper at the time, tell his son that you aren't trying to replace anyone, but that you care for his father and that you care for him, and that you want him to know that you are there for him if he needs anything or if he wants to talk. If you had a similiar situation as a child , you might mention that, which could make him see you as someone who understands, instead of some alien life force come to destroy his world. Just take it slow, don't be overbearing, and the most important rule of all, always respect his relationship with his mother, and let him know that you respect his relationship with his mother.