MAC Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Its been so hard these last couple of weeks I don't really know what to do with myself. Baiscally, we started seeing each other back 5 years ago and its been love ever since. For the last year we were living together and I've grown closer and even more fond of my girlfriend. She wonderful and every way possible and we recently had the discussion of marriage, which came up out of no where and I told her that I wanted to marry her. But I didn't have a ring to give her or anything and I wanted to make it a little more official before we tell everyone. She agreed and we agreed that when I'm ready for the surprise aspect that she will be more excited then ever. So after going out for 4 years and living together for 1, it seems that our relationship is going to go the distance. I love her so much its unexplainable. So after the discussion of marriage, she moves out because she has been accepted into the program shes been talking about for years. Shes doing great things and working with great people, over 1300km away. I have committed to so much where we were living together and was accepted into my dream program but its tearing me apart thinking I am going to loose her. Its such a distance away and such a strange place that I have myself convinced that she is going to forget about me. She is comming back to see me the end of the month for a weekend, we planned to see each other once a month. I was really wondering if anyone has been in this type of situation and what kinds of things you have done to make your relationship work as an LDR. I know so many people that tell me that it won't work and it rarelly works for people that are truely in love because there is a such a longing for each other that people do very stupid things at times. I don't plan to be one of these people and I really don't plan on loosing the love of my life. Any tips? Webcams seem like a good idea!
Chris1479 Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I've been in a LDR for a few years now and webcams, lots of talking, listening, and encouraging her to voice any concerns SHE has so that you can fix them is a good idea. If you feel her drifting away, there are a few things you can do.. one is to just tighten up your act, make sure you are busy and getting on with life - she is a BONUS to your life - not the basis of your life. That's pretty much a fundamental mechanic to having a relationship where the woman's heart is in it.. not to forget that women (sorry I'm starting to sound sexist aren't I) are occasionally prone to bouts of freaking out about things.. if she does that then it's (probably) just a test to see how secure and strong you are with things. Give her your time and show concern, but don't let it get in your head and mess with you. She already has one pussy and doesn't need another one, so to speak. But her signals are a bit mixed - discussing marriage and then moving 1300km away? Don't change from the charming and fun person you originally were to GET this woman, into a wussy pleading loser. It's critical you don't do that because it's more important than ever that you are secure and in control. Plus it may be a bit of a power shift in the relationship - try and keep the ball in your court and don't let her get the upper hand - your happiness is your own and no woman should be given the right or the power to take it away. Chris
roxy_1980 Posted September 19, 2006 Posted September 19, 2006 Maybe it's just me, but Chris you're creating problems that haven't even occurred. I imagine that you are having problems with your gf saying that you are too needy right now and are shifting it onto this thread. Anyway, you have a unique situation in that the two of you recognize that this separation is temporary. Many LDRs end because of one underlying problem...neither person is willing to give up their life where they are to be with the other person. As long as later on one of you is willing to move where the other is in a defined timeline, not "sometime after we graduate" the stability relationship is shown. Remember, alot people who end a LDR will tell you that it ended in an argument about a "When are YOU moving?" fight. A fight where both parties assume that the other is moving. Best of Luck, Roxy
LakeGirl Posted September 21, 2006 Posted September 21, 2006 So her plan to get into this program is all for a plan for a bright future I'm sure. So you support her and tell her how proud you are of her accomplishments. And if you really want to blow her mind - get her a ring for her weekend visit. C'mon it the 21st century - it doesn't have to be an expensive diamond. Get a ring that has a stone of her favorite color or both of your birthstones. Be creative - it's a sign of your promise and intent, who says it has to be traditional. Go for it!
Island Girl Posted September 22, 2006 Posted September 22, 2006 When my now husband and I got separated, we created some rules. Knowing that being so far away (10,000 miles and $1400+ a plane ticket) would cause questioning - just natural little insecurities - we made certain rules. For instance when answering the phone, after the initial hello and we recognized it was the other half, we said "hey baby" or "hello honey" or whatever. It helped with knowing that whoever was around knew we each had a "honey". Also we made an agreement that, since we were committed to eachother, that our lives were open books. Anything was open for talking about or asking about. No boundaries. And anything was checkable with no question from the person being checked on. It sounds crazy I suppose. Not to me because I lived it and "what if?" was the enemy. So we both knew we had to be committed to using whatever weapon needed to fight that foe. The perspective we both had/have is that staying together is the most important thing. If there is something the other person needs to feel secure we each will do ANYTHING to make that happen. Talking about it and getting it worked out ahead of time, before there were questions, was and still is the key.
Recommended Posts