scaredinlove Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Just trying to figure myself up....Does being with a MM makes me immoral.Cheating on my H makes me immoral.Did you ever asked yourselves these questions?Or am I just thinking too much?
yousaveme Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Just trying to figure myself up....Does being with a MM makes me immoral.Cheating on my H makes me immoral.Did you ever asked yourselves these questions?Or am I just thinking too much? tough question....I have thought about that myself and even asked other people what they thought of me, honestly since being invovled with a MM. I dont think any of us are out looking for our situtations , they just happen for whatever reason. I try not to think about that question too much or at all. I think your just thinking too much. Im always doing that, im trying to learn not to look so hard into things so i dont drive myself insane.
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Well what your doing is Immoral, but its you who decides whether or not you are...?
yousaveme Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Well what your doing is Immoral, but its you who decides whether or not you are...? I cant think that way. Sorry..Im following my heart and if that makes me immoral then so be it. I dont mean to so cold-hearted about the morality of who im involved with, but i like i said i didnt go out looking for this situtation. Would have rather found him and be involved with him if he wasnt a MM. But i cant change the situation about how we met. Everyone has their opinion. And i cant worry about what others think of me.
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 No my intent wasn't to really to say you are immoral. What you are doing is immoral. But you have proved to yourself that you don't feel immoral right? than yes do what your heart says but you got in the situation of being in volved with a MM so in long run there comes challenges you face. and Consequences to say the least People can't base their lives on being moralized people, some people can but others have a fighting urge to get out of their cage. but you will have alot of heartache from being with a MM, the stories are endless here. Read some and be careful
Touche Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 In my opinion, you're not thinking TOO much, you're not thinking ENOUGH. Because if you were thinking about it, you'd stop this. You'd realize how wrong it really is. And yes, of course it's immoral. Do you REALLY have to ask?
Guest Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Yes, it is against all morals to date a mm. That being said, I am also involved with a mm. We see it as a reaction to how our spouses changed and us doing something desparate to accomodate. It still is not right no matter how you look at it. Staying in an unhappy marriage for the children is very stupid especially when you are seeing someone else. I found this out the hard way and now I am paying for it. We all do stupid things out of passion.
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Also sacred love? Don't you feel that this relationship woulden't really meet up to a full standard relationship? The man you are possibly loving has a wife, a WIFE!? Don't you want your man to be single or atleast divorced and 100% devoted to you? OW OM blah blah have bought in too their feelings way too much and have settled for that. You all should have more respect for yourselves and think about what you desearve! because if this is what you choose to be with than this is what you desearve. I know i would cringe by teeth thinking about My man with his wife, HIS WIFE! And if your asking L shackers if we think its immoral well than you know to some extent of how immoral it really is. But I don't think you should really lean on being immoral to stay with him or not. You should find someone who wants to be with you and only you.
Touche Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I had to post this. This is funny. I was just looking at an ad at the top of the page here on LS. It was for a dating site and it said "We screen for felons and married people." It struck me as kind of funny when I first saw it. But the point is, is that to normal single people, a married person is in the SAME category of undersirability as a FELON! Would you date a felon? Just something to think about.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 against other people's morals, yes they certainly are. but as for their own...you can't go against your own morals unless you had them to begin with.
Adunaphel Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I don't think that doing something immoral (like seeing a MM) makes you *automatically and necessarily* an immoral person. Even if I have to admit that I used to think that all OW were immoral people before being one myself. How strange. Anyway, between being "moral" and "immoral" there are quite a lot of shades of grey. Besides, morality is quite subjective, highly depending in which situations, and how may. the individual has been personally.
norajane Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 What you're doing is knowingly deceiving and hurting other people and deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong, so yes, cheating on your H and being an OW are both immoral acts. However, I assume you still have other morals, such as not torturing small animals, committing murder, swindling little old ladies out of their life savings, abusing children (though cheating does hurt children, so some might argue that can be considered abuse), stealing money out of the collection plate, etc. So you are not completely without morals, but some of your behavior is immoral.
yousaveme Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I don't think that doing something immoral (like seeing a MM) makes you *automatically and necessarily* an immoral person. Even if I have to admit that I used to think that all OW were immoral people before being one myself. How strange. Anyway, between being "moral" and "immoral" there are quite a lot of shades of grey. Besides, morality is quite subjective, highly depending in which situations, and how may. the individual has been personally. This is my first MM situtation. I never thought i would be in this tyoe of situation. its a hard thing to deal with.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 This is my first MM situtation. I never thought i would be in this tyoe of situation. its a hard thing to deal with. that doesn't make you "moral" just because you never thought it would happen. you let it happen, it's your responsibility.
Adunaphel Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 This is my first MM situtation. I never thought i would be in this tyoe of situation. its a hard thing to deal with. It feels weird, doesn't it? The set of values you believed in is sort of falling apart all around you.
yousaveme Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 that doesn't make you "moral" just because you never thought it would happen. you let it happen, it's your responsibility. Not saying that makes me moral. But everyone is allowed their opinion. Anyone who isnt a OW is going to say im immoral. At this point in my life what matters to me is my opinion of myself. And thats all that should matter.
CrushedOrgans Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Not saying that makes me moral. But everyone is allowed their opinion. Anyone who isnt a OW is going to say im immoral. At this point in my life what matters to me is my opinion of myself. And thats all that should matter. and most ow's are going to say it's not immoral because they didn't plan on it happening, even though they did nothing to actually stop it. two sides of the same coin and all that.
norajane Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Not saying that makes me moral. But everyone is allowed their opinion. Anyone who isnt a OW is going to say im immoral. At this point in my life what matters to me is my opinion of myself. And thats all that should matter. What is your opinion of yourself? Do you think you're doing something immoral? Or are you perfectly fine with your part in this affair? I think when you cross your own boundaries of morality and values, it tends to make you stressed out and feel bad about yourself because you can't reconcile what you're doing with what you always believed to be right and wrong.
lindya Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 This is my first MM situtation. I never thought i would be in this tyoe of situation. its a hard thing to deal with. Morality's been debated by philosopher after philosopher. Thinking in terms of "am I being immoral?" involves trying to figure out how society as a whole would judge your behaviour. It's probably better to figure out who you want to be, and what standards of behaviour you need to conform to in order to be that person. No doubt you get the occasional ragingly dysfunctional woman who deliberately sets out to break up other people's relationships, but on the whole I think Other Women are just ordinary people who gave into a temptation to get involved with someone they fancied - married or not. Sorry..Im following my heart and if that makes me immoral then so be it Sometimes it's right to follow one's own heart and instincts rather than abide by socially imposed standards of behaviour ....but following your heart involves examining everything inside it, and not just those aspects that will allow you to receive short term gratification. What view, for instance, does your heart take on the likelihood of other people being emotionally wounded by you getting involved with this guy? Has it made provision for the possibility of a very messy outcome in which you get hurt? Will your heart be able to cope with all the fall-out that so often seems to come with getting involved with a married man? Rejecting social expectations and demands as to how you should behave is all very well when you're on a high and seeking instant gratification...but what happens when you crash down? Might you need some level of social approval in order to regain your self esteem? If so, how do you get that approval so soon after you've rejected the source you need it from? The heart by no means holds all the answers to life's dilemmas, and allowing pure emotion and instinctive drives to dictate your actions is very short-sighted.
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Its not really about what others may say about you, its what you feel about your self. Can you re read my advice?
Ladyjane14 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I agree with Norajane in that it doesn't necessarily make a WHOLE PERSON immoral. But yeah... I do believe the act itself is an immoral one on the part of the OW or OM. Even if you set the Ten Commandments aside, in a secular setting... we are trained from an early age to respect the beliefs of others. We are taught tolerance for racial differences, religious differences, and differences in creed. And THIS is where the OW/OM gets snagged up. Creed, by definition is: 1. A formal statement of religious belief; confession of faith. 2. Statement or system of belief, principles, or opinions. When two people marry.. their creed is pro-marriage. Those who interfere with that have disrespected another person's creed. Even if that interference is at the behest of one of the married partners... the other is "interfered" with. They haven't co-signed the interference. So yes... I would define the act as immoral as I would define an act of racial or religious persecution as immoral.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Scared - first, let me say you're a brave girl opening yourself up to answers to this question! I was briefly involved with an MM. Do I consider myself immoral? Absolutely not. I know that I'm not. Did I use poor judgment? Yes! If I were given a chance to go back in time and un-do it, would I? Yes! I know when I'm older, I won't look back at my life and feel awful for having done it. I'll see it for what it was - a mistake. One that I won't repeat. I certainly don't think I'm going to hell for it.
whichwayisup Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 What you're doing is knowingly deceiving and hurting other people and deliberately violating accepted principles of right and wrong, so yes, cheating on your H and being an OW are both immoral acts. However, I assume you still have other morals, such as not torturing small animals, committing murder, swindling little old ladies out of their life savings, abusing children (though cheating does hurt children, so some might argue that can be considered abuse), stealing money out of the collection plate, etc. So you are not completely without morals, but some of your behavior is immoral. I agree with NJ's statement. The behaviour is immoral, the choices are immoral and selfish. In the mind of OW the "intent" isn't to hurt, but because the mind isn't thinking clearly and emotions/passion have taken over, the choices being made aren't being thought through in a healthy way. Therefore, for some, it's very easy to justify their actions.
Guest Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Why are almost all of you blaming the OW for this relationship? It appears that most of the time the OW is single (granted, not always). You all expect her to be the one to refuse the MM. She is being accused of "interfering" with the marriage. Give me a break!! He is the one with the moral obligation to W. He is the one whose behavior could be called immoral. While many will say that their marriage ended because of an A, the reality is that the A happened because something was wrong with the marriage. The OW is a symptom of a bad marriage, not a reason. Historically there have been mistresses in many cultures and in many times. These mistresses were not always hidden away and shunned, but were accepted in society and even held high stature. It was not considered immoral to be or to have an OW. In short, why does anyone think that OW has any obligation to the marriage? That is MM's responsibility and his issues to deal with. The OW has to deal with a relationship that is most likely not what she had ever planned on having. She has to decide whether continuing it is best for her. That being said, she agonizes through all the other issues that aren't hers because that's what we women do. We care about what MM is going through, and we do think about W and the kids and how hard the whole situation is on everyone. Place the responsibility and obligation for/to the marriage where it belongs - with MM and W.
Guest Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 What a great discussion! You ask if you are immoral for making the decision to be with a married man? Of course it is immoral but you are so caught up in the sex and specialness of it all that your brain has ceased functioning. Enjoy it while you can, it'll come out and your name will be mud from there on out. Was it all worth it? Has he left yet? LOL, you are completely on the fringe and don't have a clue. The reason there is such a thing as marriage is that it is a testament to commitment to single soul, not two, not four. If he would cheat on his wife, he will cheat on you. Get a brain and get a clue.
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