LaraV Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Any of you coping with heartache out there plagued by memories of what it felt like for you being the dumper? I keep thinking about how easy it was for me to move on. How I probably felt bad/guilty for a week and then I just went on my merry way. Now that I'm on the other side of the fence, and I imagine that my ex is fine and dandy and out there enjoying life, I feel like I'm going to go crazy. In reality it should be enough to make me feel angry, and say to myself that what is the point of feeling bad over someone who is out there enjoying life, but despite me thinking this, I still feel like cr*p. It's like somehow that realization - that he is not wasting time thinking about me or feeling bad - somehow manages to add further injury to the already abject misery I'm experiencing. Ever feel like this pain just seems so freakin' eternal?
Diver012 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 There are a couple of women from my past I wish I could go back and apoligize to. I think back to what happened, and although I dont think I could have changed the outcome, I wouldn't have behaved so irresponsibly with someone elses emotions. I have no idea where or even how to get in touch with these people now, but for the record, where ever they are... Im truely sorry.
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 If you had dumped her, and she went on enjoying life. Why should you feel bad? Did this breakup hurt the girl or made the girl?
loveinlife Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 LaraV, Same scenario with me. I felt that way also about how it must have hurt the person I dumped. I felt like apologizing; however, it's been 8 years already, I don't think she wants to hear from me. Don't want to rekindle the old memories. Well, I was her 6th bf and she was only 16, I 17. So I guess should I pass on apologizing??
Greensleaves Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 LaraV, I had the worst nightmares after i dumped my previous bf. Not all the time, but it came and went in tides. it was a very bad breakup as we had been together for a long time and he had no shadow of a doubt that we were meant and will have a family. now I am on the other side and feel even worse as i can relate better what pain he went through back then. However, I also realized one thing: even though i was still somewaht pining over him it did affect the new relationship and might have helped to break it. I guess the only thing one can do is always treat the other person with respect. you cannot force neither yourself nor somebody else to be in love. I don't think that walking away is easy if it had been a meaningful relationship.
the_alchemyst Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Yea. I remember when I "dumped" him , I felt bad and was over here wallowing in distress, but showing no signs of pain (or happiness) to him. It was like I had disappeared. And then he comes back and butters me up again, and so, I become the biggest fool ever. And then he lands the biggest slap on my face, ever. (Not literally, though.) That's what I get for being a dumbass.
Author LaraV Posted September 11, 2006 Author Posted September 11, 2006 I don't think that walking away is easy if it had been a meaningful relationship. I agree. And I remember how incredibly hard it was for me to leave past relationships, which is why I'm so scarred by how easy it's been for my ex to just leave. I guess my relationship with him was not meaningful to HIM. God, I just want all this pain to go away....
loveinlife Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Awww LaraV that is so sad. It was probably meaningful at one point in time. Dumper or Dumpee, we get experiences for what happened to us. I will always remember my past relationships, even as a dumper. So I don't think they forget about us so easily, maybe the So(s) think about our past a little less than us.
BBetsy Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 This is a lot like the "karma" thread - you're seeing it from both sides now. I would personally LOVE it if someone who hurt me -- no matter how many years ago -- actually called and apologized. It would be very redeeming, and would make me feel like (a) better about myself (after all, I probably wondered for months or years what I did wrong and (b) make me feel better about that person, because that would be very big of them to apologize to me, no matter how much time had gone by. I'm very sure I would forgive them. Probably have already, but that would be fantastic closure. If you're feeling that way about someone in your past, do it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
loveinlife Posted September 12, 2006 Posted September 12, 2006 My ex gf apologizes to me... Tonight would be her 4th time apologizing to me that it's hard for her to see me so hurt. She said she would rather disappear from this earth than to see me be hurt like this. It was so hard to see her feel this way, but I atleast I know that i went out with this really empathetic person who cherished me ( something I knew when I was going out with her). I remember we used to go buy KFC for homeless people on the streets of San Francisco....and her dream of becoming a professional dog saver when she sees a stray dog on the streets. Yeah good memories. I guess I really thanked her for saying sorry to me tonite. I understand why this person was so important to me. It's because she has a big heart. I feel nice tonight. You are right BBetsy. it does feel good to get that apology. ;)
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