consternation Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Spoke to MM today. HE was desperate to see me before I go overseas (and will be staying near an ex of mine). I asked if he would be single when I returned (as per the deadline) and he said ''that's a work in progress''. Went on to say he had made no promises, blah blah. I ended up meeting him to discuss this turn of events. According to him, for reasons that I ''can never understand'' his leaving has to be ''a gradual process'', why can't I be patient, blah blah, ridiculous bullsh*t, etc. Told him to get lost, if he ever contacts me again I will be ringing his wife and telling her everything. I feel totally devestated but I will get over it. I don't know whether he has bullsh*tted to me the whole time, or whether he's just has no balls to leave, but either way, he loses my respect. What a waste of my time! I could complain and go on longer about this but there's no point. If he attempts to contact me again he will be sorry. And I told him if I contact him, in a desperate pathetic moment, that he should call the cops.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I am so sorry! I was really pulling for you and following your posts regularly. What a dumb a**! I'm glad you're going overseas, perfect time to get away! How did he take it when you told him to f**k off? Was he just "shocked!" that you are no longer willing to wait around?
Author consternation Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 I don't think he was shocked. Hurt perhaps. Started whining that he wants to be married to me one day, it will happen but just not fast enough for me, blah blah. For all I know, perhaps there's a 1% chance that's true - but even if I knew 100% he would be single in say, 6 months, I wouldn't change my mind. I'm done. However, I realise perfectly well this is going to be a really vulnerable time for me. It's going to be hard to remain strong or I could slip into a nightmare scenario where it drags on forever. I've been getting so upset about this that I feel like evrything could slip away (cant concentrate on university, behind with renovations, etc). Which is why I'm very serious about ensuring this stops. I even considered packing my bags and moving inter-state... but would waste the effort I've put in at school this semester. I'm really scared I could ''relapse''. - I know I'm angry and disgusted now but I'm trying to be realistic and aware that I only need one weak moment... I just have to drag myself through the next week then I will be holidays. Hopefully by the time I have returned the edge will have gone off the pain.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I hear ya. When I ended things with my xMM, I was so worried about relapsing. But everytime I thought in that direction, I just kept reminding myself why I did it, my happiness is my own responsibility, and dammit, I'm just too cute to waste my time and love on him!!
Author consternation Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 Too right! Every time I felt like saying, ''you hurt me, you did this, you did that'' I thought well... it's my responsibility. And the good part about that is I can make sure it doesn't happen again. My dog got desexed yesterday and I no longer feel sorry for her. A life without males sniffing around sounds fine by me at the moment!!! Haha.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Too right! Every time I felt like saying, ''you hurt me, you did this, you did that'' I thought well... it's my responsibility. And the good part about that is I can make sure it doesn't happen again. My dog got desexed yesterday and I no longer feel sorry for her. A life without males sniffing around sounds fine by me at the moment!!! Haha. LMAO!! I predict you are going to have an awesome time on holiday and by the time you get back, you will be so much further along in being over him!
Author consternation Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 I hope so... I must admit I just went and lay in bed & ate cookie icecream for about an hour. But then I remembered I would get fat as well as depressed. I just can't wait for this to be over and I'm back to my usual self. I've noticed in the last few days.... usually its really easy for me to smile, I always have a smile waiting to come out. And it's been getting harder and harder to smile. That's not how I want to live. I think I'm going to have to post here heaps, so that I can stay strong.
lovernotafighter Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 OMG I can't believe this happened to you too! tonight I went ballistic on my MM,I have never ever told him to his face I wanted it to be over..we went NC through e-mail before but we cave when we see each other. I told him today it's over and he's nothing but a liar and a perpetual cake eater..and good luck and good riddance. he said so what do I have to do to make you happy besides a divorce..huh? what a wacko...then my MM had the nerve to tell me he's tired of me breaking up with him over and over and he won't be taking me back..whatever. I hate I have to work with mine though..grrr!! good luck,I'll be here allot to I'm sure!
Author consternation Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 God, aren't they pathetic. You know... I think basically, men who will leave their wives - do so. They don't have affairs. I think it takes someone essentially gutless to have an affair. My MM said that he thinks that he is going to spend his whole life chasing after me... being miserable and ringing me, even when I have another family of my own. What is up with that? I said why would I want a man with no balls? Nothing would keep me from the person I love. His reasons are ridiculous... he has no kids, no joint property, its all to do with family crap which apparently I cant understand because I'm not polynesian. I know in my head someone great will be around the corner if I just give myself a chance to get there. But it's so hard to go through heartbreak - especially when you know you can end it with a phone call. Temporarily that is. Temporarily. Im now listening to Pink and cleaning the kitchen in an attempt to muster up some grrl power.
Author consternation Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 LMAO just remembered.... My dog got desexed yesterday as I said earlier. MM asked today if I was going to get my male kitten done too. I said probably not, god knows I need someone with some balls in my life. He said, its a cat. I said yeah - still closest thing to a man I can see at the moment. Looking at him.
once removed Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Now the trick is to become proactive instead of destructive. That’s what is working for me. Lol I’ve lost over 20 labs since all of my BS went down. The hardest part is even though I will never let him close to my heart again he is still a friend. LOL yah I know I am such a sadist. But any hoot back to proactive. When the pain stings I do sit-ups, push ups, crunches. Lol my abs hurt like they want to jump off my body and run away but heck I look good. And the more of this I do the better I look the better I feel about myself the less I even worry about what was between us. It’s over its past, I’m worth a hell of a lot more and so are the two of you. I think the hardest part of this whole thing was I was on both sides of the coin, I was not only the OW but I was also the one cheated on. How’s that for a karma kick in the pants. What I’ve learned, if a guy is married, dating taken for what ever reason I’m walking on cuz if he will do it to her he will do it to me. 1
lovernotafighter Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 God, aren't they pathetic. You know... I think basically, men who will leave their wives - do so. They don't have affairs. I think it takes someone essentially gutless to have an affair. My MM said that he thinks that he is going to spend his whole life chasing after me... being miserable and ringing me, even when I have another family of my own. What is up with that? I said why would I want a man with no balls? Nothing would keep me from the person I love. His reasons are ridiculous... he has no kids, no joint property, its all to do with family crap which apparently I cant understand because I'm not polynesian. I know in my head someone great will be around the corner if I just give myself a chance to get there. But it's so hard to go through heartbreak - especially when you know you can end it with a phone call. Temporarily that is. Temporarily. Im now listening to Pink and cleaning the kitchen in an attempt to muster up some grrl power. I swear we are thinking alike....when my MM said to me " I want to be with you and I am staying married for my son" I said said "no, your staying because either you don't want to upset the apple cart or your just plain lying" I told him there is 0 reason why he can't get divorced and see his son everyday..and right now he has been working anywhere from 5am to between 7 and 9pm..and it it takes him 45mins to get home..when the son is going to bed he's arriving home??..sounds to me like he's going home to sleep with the wife doesn't it? either way he's a coward and I made sure I told him so...sucks though I have to work with him all fricken day tomorrow..I can't sleep and have to be there in 3 hours...Grrr LMAO just remembered.... My dog got desexed yesterday as I said earlier. MM asked today if I was going to get my male kitten done too. I said probably not, god knows I need someone with some balls in my life. He said, its a cat. I said yeah - still closest thing to a man I can see at the moment. Looking at him. LMAO!! I think I will tell MM there no difference between him and a eunuch..he has been adding 2 dollar words to his vocabulary ,this should fit nicely. Now the trick is to become proactive instead of destructive. That’s what is working for me. Lol I’ve lost over 20 labs since all of my BS went down. The hardest part is even though I will never let him close to my heart again he is still a friend. LOL yah I know I am such a sadist. But any hoot back to proactive. When the pain stings I do sit-ups, push ups, crunches. Lol my abs hurt like they want to jump off my body and run away but heck I look good. And the more of this I do the better I look the better I feel about myself the less I even worry about what was between us. It’s over its past, I’m worth a hell of a lot more and so are the two of you. I think the hardest part of this whole thing was I was on both sides of the coin, I was not only the OW but I was also the one cheated on. How’s that for a karma kick in the pants. What I’ve learned, if a guy is married, dating taken for what ever reason I’m walking on cuz if he will do it to her he will do it to me. yep,I Ive been the victim and the villain to and it bites on both ends..if I don't learn something from this I never will. I reminded my MM that he told me about his friends girlfriend had every right after 9months to expect some kind of commitment from his friend..I said do you realise we have been involved with the start of our EA since last September? he said" nooo you know you are right you deserve more than what I can give you.." he doesn't seemed to bothered..and it pisses me off that I am. thank you for your kind words,I know you are right and so was my MM, we deserve more..and better!! it just sucks when Mr. Right is Mr. Somebody else's.
once removed Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 it just sucks when Mr. Right is Mr. Somebody else's. If he was Mr. Right he would not have treated us wrong. I think he was more Mr. Ego buster. Mr. I love you...for now. Mr. let me see what I can get.
lovernotafighter Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 to too true OR... I had to work with MM today and it was horrible..he was a huge assh*le to me ,why is it I'm suppose to feel like I did something wrong? he said he blamed himself and he should..the sooner I can escape him the better..and I am kinda glad and sad at the same time that he isn't putting up a fight..as consternation said my MM is a huge coward and would I really want a guy like that? ..not really. the only spine he ever really had stemmed from knowing me.
once removed Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 lol agree. Its funny I'm still talking to the same guy but find I keep saying I'm sorry. LOL I did nothing wrong but believe in him, trust him and love him. But I can be a bit blunt and to the point. In truth I'll always love him. I have for way to many years to count but I don't trust or respect him. And once trust and respect is gone what's left. Though I wonder sometimes if he started in with the sweet talk and flowery words would I be smarter this time?
Author consternation Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 Incoherent text from MM this morning: he is ''trying to protect me'' apparently. Then rang his house, as per my warning. No answer. Texted him to tell him, got reply that phone is broken as result of domestic disputes. Told him to leave me alone, got reply ''I am very sad too you know'' ... replied ''leave or stop whining''. I know I shouldnt have engaged in any interaction at all. I'd woken up feeling really determined, repulsed by his behaviour etc. So then I wished I'd never spoken to him after when he texted this morning, as it dented my brave outlook a bit.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 Incoherent text from MM this morning: he is ''trying to protect me'' apparently. Then rang his house, as per my warning. No answer. Texted him to tell him, got reply that phone is broken as result of domestic disputes. Told him to leave me alone, got reply ''I am very sad too you know'' ... replied ''leave or stop whining''. I know I shouldnt have engaged in any interaction at all. I'd woken up feeling really determined, repulsed by his behaviour etc. So then I wished I'd never spoken to him after when he texted this morning, as it dented my brave outlook a bit. But only a bit, right? The war is not lost! I know you'll get there. Just keep looking forward to being out of the country next week. And btw - my exMM used to tell me that ALL the time - I'm hurting too you know, I fell too you know....
Author consternation Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 Lmao.. so true. I have to post everything that happens here, to keep me honest. I'm feeling ok again. I'm trying to be realistic about the fact I'm not going to be as productive as usual, cut down to the basics I have to be done and get through it like a robot... Keep it coming Benthere.... your posts always put me back on the straight and narrow!
Island Girl Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 My MM said that he thinks that he is going to spend his whole life chasing after me... being miserable and ringing me, even when I have another family of my own. What is up with that? I said why would I want a man with no balls? Nothing would keep me from the person I love. His reasons are ridiculous... he has no kids, no joint property, its all to do with family crap which apparently I cant understand because I'm not polynesian. My husband is polynesian. They get divorces. Family is super important and both people are supposed to work together in a marriage to work things out. But they do get divorced, have other relationships, and get remarried. Just like everyone else. I am not trying to imply that you are stupid - just that I can see him pulling culture crap as an excuse to keep having his cake and eating it too (at your expense).
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I'm here for ya! Posting was always my saving grace. Just getting all the thoughts out of my head helped so much. I know what you mean. While I was in the thick of it, I was a total robot. Got up, went to work, came home, got on computer, went to bed. Repeat. And like you said, that's ok. Cut yourself some slack. Just do what you need to do and worry about the rest later for when you're feeling better. And you WILL feel better. (((Hugs)))
Author consternation Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 So tempting to reply nastily to texts but I know it's better to adopt the ignore it and it will go away approach.
Author consternation Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 God. Already caved. MM sent text, I had a dream about you (in his culture they think are significant), I replied, I had one too, that you were a horrible lying toad and when I woke up it was true. He replied, im not that bad. I replied, you're either weak or a liar. Either you were using me, or if your feeling are genuine, you have no balls. He replied ''settle down u can ask yourself that too'' SO frustrating! I have only myself to blame. I know it's pathetic that I even responded. I'm going to do some cooking to distract myself from the rage.
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 I know. I have to admit, I replied nasty to almost everything he sent me after I ended it. Ignoring was the hardest thing to do. But there's something to be said for calling him out on his crap. For every line he had trying to justify things, I had an answer. It was important to me that I let him know that he wasn't dealing with some mindless, adoring creature. If I felt like he was patronizing me, I told him. If what he was saying didn't match his actions, I told him. I let him know that what he put me through was no small thing, and he wasn't just going to pat me on the head and say 'there, there little one, how I can I make it better (besides actually leaving my wife!)'
BenThereDunThat Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 hahaha, I love your reply!! God, he sounds so much like mine!!! "Give me a chance to show you I'm not the mean ogre you think I am!" (among others I can't think of at the moment) I'll say it again:
PoshPrincess Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I swear we are thinking alike....when my MM said to me " I want to be with you and I am staying married for my son" I said said "no, your staying because either you don't want to upset the apple cart or your just plain lying" I told him there is 0 reason why he can't get divorced and see his son everyday.. I kept getting exactly the same ****e as this. "My kids mean the world to me, blah blah......" At first I fell for it. He had probs with one of them and couldn't leave. Now he has no probs he doesn't feel the need to leave (he's not said that; I'm just assuming). Doesn't need me when he has no grief at home seems to be the size of it. If the going gets tough, no doubt he will be back in touch again! Wouldn't mind but kids are mid to late teens and can choose to see him anytime they want. And he's their Dad; they aren't going to hate him for wanting to be happy. As said previously, they have no balls and do any of us really want a man like that?!!! C, can't believe this has happened to you. I have only just caught up properly on my return from hols. Can't say it sorted my head out. Just gave me too much time to think unfortunately. Hope same can't be said for you and that it's taking your mind off things a little. At least your MM is saying he's leaving. Do you really wanna give up? Don't blame you if you do though. If my MM was still promising to leave I know I would stick with it as would be too scared to do anything else. I know you have had some contact but you're still brave and very strong!
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