Bufzookie Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Lady/guys.... here is a little story for you to understand what cheating is all about.... I am a wife...never cheated. My husband does. A lot!. I have talked with the OW....all of them almost and they all say the same thing.....he said it was over with you and him....or he was just with you for the baby....Now my husband acted like everything was peaches and cream!!! We had sex.... we joked.... had fun.... everything was great before I found out about the cheating and lies....so if you are the Other person.... I have not disrespect for you...what I want you to know is that If you think he will leave there spouse for your chances are slim to none. Cause all the lies he/she will tell....oh I will leave... I'm not happy ....blah blah frankly, are not true. He/she is lying to both of you and is a waste of time!!! Don't get lead on please!!! I must say though, I am a good person and a great wife and mom!!! Don't ever think when a man/ or women says my spouse is terrible, that its a true statement. There are many wonderful people out there with scummy spouses who just want to have there cake and eat it too!!! Please, Please be careful and think before acting cause its not just you and him involved!!!!
BlueEyedGirl Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Ummm and why would you stay with someone that cheats on you?
Seen_It_All Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Blue, with all due respect, you're only 25. You'll look at things alot differently when you're 40 or so, with half a lifetime invested in someone. However, I read your thread about the office guy that you're soooo drawn to - the one with the wife and litter of 3 kids and golly gee, you sure think HE'S the sh*it, don'tcha? I guess you have a low opinion of cheaters since you asked Buf why she stays with a cheater. What do you think your MM at work is - with his flirting and inuendos and those oh-so-smoldering looks he gives you? He's a cheater in training, that's what he is. Good thing you don't like cheaters. That way, you won't swallow your pride, self respect, and dignity being his dirty little secret.
hooghie Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 I'm 36 and I can say that I wouldn't waste 1 minute of my life with someone who cheats on me. People bash me for saying that and maybe it's possible there is a situation where I would but I can guarentee there is NO WAY I'd stay with someone who does it over and over and over again no matter how much I've invested. My integrity is a much larger investment.
Author Bufzookie Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 I'm 21 and I am going to be getting a divorce... So don't cop an attitude with me about your f**ked up love affairs! I was trying to be nice and give you a point of view that you don't WANT to see! Most of the time....the man/women will lie and say I'm not happy with my spouse when they are totaly giving you a line!!! Yeah, I may be young but I have gone through more then anyone in there 40's may have gone through. I don't know everything, but I sure do know what it feels like to be s&*t on by people who don't care. Just be smart about your situation. Not everything is what is seems! Think about it....and don't smart mouth me!! I'm not in the mood!!
Seen_It_All Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Buf, I'm sorry to hear of your situation and all the hurt you've been through. My gosh, you're only 21 and have already had a taste of this ugliness. I'm sorry to hear it. I'm going to assume your last post was not directed at me as my comment above was for Blue Eyed Blonde, the one who asked you why you stay with a cheater (and was worded like a typical dumb-ass would post with the 'uummm' at the beginning). A*sshole comments like that - made off the cuff and without ANY empathy whatsoever - tick me off. I wish you well, Buf.
justice Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 What your husband did to you while lying to the OW is something they call gaslighting. My h also did this to me and it hurt like hell when I found out. I can sympathize with you on what happened. Keep your chin up and don't let it get you down. Have you posted in the infidelity section here? There are some good ppl on these boards, I've been here a few months and the OW's have been more than nice and helpful with me.
RealityCheck Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Lady/guys.... here is a little story for you to understand what cheating is all about.... I am a wife...never cheated. My husband does. A lot!. I have talked with the OW....all of them almost and they all say the same thing.....he said it was over with you and him....or he was just with you for the baby....Now my husband acted like everything was peaches and cream!!! We had sex.... we joked.... had fun.... everything was great before I found out about the cheating and lies....so if you are the Other person.... I have not disrespect for you...what I want you to know is that If you think he will leave there spouse for your chances are slim to none. Cause all the lies he/she will tell....oh I will leave... I'm not happy ....blah blah frankly, are not true. He/she is lying to both of you and is a waste of time!!! Don't get lead on please!!! I must say though, I am a good person and a great wife and mom!!! Don't ever think when a man/ or women says my spouse is terrible, that its a true statement. There are many wonderful people out there with scummy spouses who just want to have there cake and eat it too!!! Please, Please be careful and think before acting cause its not just you and him involved!!!! Buf, your little secret has been out long ago. Not all OW's feel that the wife is not a nice person. In fact, some OW's have stated that they feel for the wife because she is a good wife and mother. Also, some OW's are very aware of the lies and deception, simply because the A begins in betrayal of the cheating spouse. Sorry for the pain you have endured.
Author Bufzookie Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 I am aware that this news is not new! I was stating that this is what some people don't WANT to see. Just FYI, I was in the shoes of the wife.... he told them all how unhappy he was..... When I thought everything was fine...awesome actually, and I was pregnant at the time as well. So next time someone thinks its okay to get involved with another wifes Husband....it is not only going to end up hurting yourself....but the family that the man is attached to!! I never wanted to end up a single mom at 21. Im not mad at the OW..... I wan't you guys not to set yourself up for disapointment or pain.... we are all in this together!
pricillia Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Is there anyway you could work this out? What were your husbands reasons for saying he was not happy, it is possible he was actually unhappy? Reguardless of what a good person, mother you are. Men who cheat do hurt both parties, they tell us what they want us to hear. I was the OW once knowingly and the other recently not knowing, so it does hurt.
Author Bufzookie Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 Pricilla++ My husband has porn addition....he told the other woment that I was just having the baby and we where together for insurance purposes....or.....he told one that he was single....or one he told that I was cheating on him...... I was VERY pregnant at the time and he just wanted to get some.... Its that simple...now I stated in my last post that we are all in this together...... that means us....wifes.....and you...OW..... I am on the womens side here hun!! I know men can get anyone of us wrapped around there finger if that sweet talk the right way.... I was!!! I married him..... I had his baby.... he had multipul women!! I felt bad for them!! He was playing them too...lying and putting us all at risk!!! Again I will clearify my post....short version.... EVERYONE need to be careful.....why be with a man/women who cheats on you..... why be with a man/woman willing to cheat on his/her wife/husband...... its a circle that we all should be smart to stay away from.... if you are the OW.... why go into a relationship knowing you will mostly likely not end the way you might want it. Be careful!!!
BUTAFLY Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Good for you Bufzookie! It's really refreshing to see a strong independent woman take a stand to not take anymore crap & do what is best for herself. I am so glad you see through the sweet talk. Good for you! Last night on tv was Eddie Murphys stand up act RAW. In one part he says how men can easily manipulate women just by looking them in the face and telling us what we want to hear with conviction. I laughed so hard because it true. He explained how men can get away with ceating even when the wife walks in on him and the ow having sex. "Are you gonna let an innocent F#ck get in the way of what we created together?" "Baby she means nothing to me, Yes, you may have caught me Effing her, but I make love to you." :lmao: Isn't that just like every scum MM to twist it around. and amazingly it works over and over again w/some women.
Guest Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Blue, with all due respect, you're only 25. You'll look at things alot differently when you're 40 or so, with half a lifetime invested in someone. You'll suddenly have respect for cheaters? I'm "40 or so" and I guess I must have missed that part. And what I never understand is the talk about "half a lifetime invested in someone". It's not a bank account. Life is a continually changing course of events. Some things change and some things stay the same. There's no big prize at the end if you keep everything the same.
BUTAFLY Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 And what I never understand is the talk about "half a lifetime invested in someone". It's not a bank account. Life is a continually changing course of events. Some things change and some things stay the same. There's no big prize at the end if you keep everything the same. Amen! I think that statement "I invested X yrs"=I'm afraid of change.
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 Lady/guys.... here is a little story for you to understand what cheating is all about.... I am a wife...never cheated. My husband does. A lot!. I have talked with the OW....all of them almost and they all say the same thing.....he said it was over with you and him....or he was just with you for the baby....Now my husband acted like everything was peaches and cream!!! We had sex.... we joked.... had fun.... everything was great before I found out about the cheating and lies....so if you are the Other person.... I have not disrespect for you...what I want you to know is that If you think he will leave there spouse for your chances are slim to none. Cause all the lies he/she will tell....oh I will leave... I'm not happy ....blah blah frankly, are not true. He/she is lying to both of you and is a waste of time!!! Don't get lead on please!!! I must say though, I am a good person and a great wife and mom!!! Don't ever think when a man/ or women says my spouse is terrible, that its a true statement. There are many wonderful people out there with scummy spouses who just want to have there cake and eat it too!!! Please, Please be careful and think before acting cause its not just you and him involved!!!! I hope alot of Ow out there read this and try to have an understanding of what your trying to aim at! OW want to think there the ones for the MM and that there having so many difficult problems with the W. When in reality the Rat is telling each partner what each partner wishes to here. I don't think you should have had anyone here really jump on you for posting this or talk about your age this was simply a warning to OW. So what is gaslighting! ?????????
Author Bufzookie Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 Thanks for those who got the point!!! I was not at all trying to come on here to get bashed for trying to help people understand!! These situations are soooooo complicated....one point of view...for OW is to just stay away before you get hurt!!!! If that man is willing to cheat at all.... why would you want him? He wouldn't be the best choice if he would just up and mess around on his family. Don't you think he could just mess with you too? Have you read some of the post by men who do cheat on here? A lot say they are in if for just sex but they say they care to her to keep it going. Its very manipulative!!! Some say they care but are going to leave.... its heartbreaking for everyone!!! The wife...the ow!! My god people.... wake up and smell the sh** cause a lot of us are feed it every day!!! Brittney.....gaslighting....I believe is "blowing smoke up your @$$" .... better way to frame that is ...... give you a line, telling you what you want to hear....etc!! It is so hard to figure out if they are being truthful or not anymore when you find out about the cheating and such! You will think back at all the times he said I love you.....was it true?? Who knows....I'm not sticking around to find out. My daughter and I deserve much better!!!! Thank god I have her. She is my best friend and keeps me smiling when all sanity and hope is gone!! I like this quote....let me share it with you cause in a way....its true! "No man is worth your tears, but the one who is....won't make you cry"
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 aww haha I like that qoute too. Good you got your kid and you have your self. Much more important than sticking around with some creep who clearly has it coming to him maybe....haha
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