Confuggled_one Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Okay, so i was dating a girl for around an year, and we've been broken up for four months. the dating has been really inconsistent sometimes we break up and come back to eachother, and sometimes we dont even talk. however we always end up talking and we send eachother songs and what not. however here is the problem, i use to lie to her about doin things (NONE CHEATING RELATED) more like hangin with friends and ****. and i found out she was flirting with a bunch of guys and ****, and she told my friends that she made out, flirted, and did all these things with other guys. when i asked her she said it wasnt true and she just told them to get them horny. what should i believe? this is so difficult. she said she swore never to talk to me, but she started talkin to me again yesterday. i really love this girl, but idont know what she wants. she said she still loves me, but it's fading. how come she is treating me like this. pleas ehelp
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 can someone help me out please
laRubiaBonita Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 she is a user.... and you are giving her free rein over yourself. get some balls, and stand up and be the man you should be..... she may even find the new you more tempting..... then you can poo-poo on her like she did you!
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 laRubiaBonita thank you for your reply... i wrote a long letter last night explaining to her my feelings. should i hand it to her? or just give her NC for now?
swirly27 Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Gosh, I am INFAMOUS for wanting to write those last letters or emails stating how I feel about everything.....and I can tell you NOT ONCE was I ever glad I sent it. Well, 2 yrs ago I sent an email like that and on one hand I was glad I sent it cause it stated everything I felt.....but he really didn't care or didn't want to hear it, so it did nothing!! Then I felt worse to letting him know I took such time to write him such a thing. It sucks and it hurts but right now, she is using you, for whatever reason, and going back and forth and she KNOWS you are there still. So, no, do NOT send a letter......its hard though....and you might send it anyway, but my bet is you'll regret it.....then you'll learn from that.....or I might be wrong and you'll be glad you did, its your choice. But my bet is to NOT send it because it won't do anything. If you need to, write the letter and then put it away or throw it out then, or post it here. But I don't recommend sending it to her.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 laRubiaBonita thank you for your reply... i wrote a long letter last night explaining to her my feelings. should i hand it to her? or just give her NC for now? NC till you die! post the letter here if you wanna get it off your chest! we love to be nosey!
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 yes i was acting on impluse when i was thinking about sending it to her. iagree with you and i will not send her the letter. i am aware of her using me now, but she is fooling around with other guys now too.. let's hope she realizes what she lost causei wont be stickin around any longer. thanks for your reply
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 NC till you die! post the letter here if you wanna get it off your chest! we love to be nosey! haha thank you larubiabonita!!! i am just wondering if she will regret this and want to come back to me > <
swirly27 Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Unfortunately, as hard as this as this is, you have to TRY and not think that way....what will maker her come back sooner? She MAY come back or she MAY NOT. You need to take this time to realize you deserve better and screw what she does. She may come back and you may realize you don't want her anymore. So definitely don't do anything impulsively only hoping to get a response out of her.....cause that leads to MANY regrets. Good luck!
laRubiaBonita Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 haha thank you larubiabonita!!! i am just wondering if she will regret this and want to come back to me > < i think we all feel that way when we break up with someone that we like...... and isn't that the whole reason you want to write the letter? but you have given her too many chances as it is....... One time counts as a mistake, Twice counts as a deal breaker. two times is as many chances as i can give, with out feeling totally like a whipped schmuck...... and I do NOT want to feel that way, so i will not let other allow my to go there..... You have to separate yourself from bad apples, they will spoil everything!
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 hey thanks guys for your response. i really should stop thinking like that and just live my life. but i feel realyl guilty for hanging out with people, but she has no biggie hanging out with others. sometimes i really just want to find someone else and make her pissed off, but i know im not that kind of person. so i guess ill stop thinking like taht and let it flow. i cant control anything as of now so ill just wait.. however her birthday is coming up soon. do you guys suggest me to get her a gift or even celebrate her birthday with her? you are right, she is a deal breaker and i should really just forget about her. but sometimes i feel ready to move on and these sad feelings start creeping onto me. so im really confused right now.. thanks for your replies once again. you guys are really helping me out
swirly27 Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 As far as her birthday, thats a tough one. How do things stand with you two now? Are u friendly with one another? Its a tough call.....I would say maybe give her a QUICK call and say you just wanted to wish her a happy bday.....but then depending on how she has been treating you and if you are on friendly terms, I would say NOT to do anything. Or maybe a Happy Bday text message sent. Its a special day and if you guys are friendly, that won't hurt anything. But, if its not the case and its not on good terms, I would leave it as is. But you have to follow your heart....
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 she's been trying to talk to me again and ive been talking back to her nicely. she doesnt seem to remember what she has done to me. i think she thinks everythign is my fault. so ya.. i hope she remembers all the things i did for her last year on her birthday. and ya i guess ill just say happy birthday to her. and no more than that. thanks a lot for your help.
laRubiaBonita Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 do you know HOW many people have a birthday Each and everyday? millions. so big whooptie-do... it CAN just be another day to you. and just so you know, i pretty much broke up with my ex, on his birthday.... technically it was the day before, but he was outta town..... i did not pick him up from the airport, NOTHING. All you have to do is break it off completely. And i doo still think about that guy, almost everyday.... actually it was everyday till recently, now i can go a day now! . i dated this guy 3.5 years, we lived together..... but i booked out faster than he could say laRubiaBonita! i have not spoken/ had contact with him since april 20-something...... he has not tried to contact me either, thankfully..... i do not go to his myspace to check on him, i am done with his slimely butt. It can be done, and trust me i waited until it was killing me. i had become so angry with him, then myself for staying with hhim and lettng him treat my like a piece of crap. I can honestly say, breaking up with him was the best thing ever! I have this new confidance, i WILL not take crap from some dude i am dating, because I AM worth sooo much more than that. i did love him, he was my first love. and it was great, when it was..... and i treasure the good times and experiences i had withhim, and the new things i was exposed to, and I know i taught him a lot too. IMO~ if you have to ask others if this is the person for you....cause you do not know, Then that person most likely is not the one, and you already know it.
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 do you know HOW many people have a birthday Each and everyday? millions. so big whooptie-do... it CAN just be another day to you. and just so you know, i pretty much broke up with my ex, on his birthday.... technically it was the day before, but he was outta town..... i did not pick him up from the airport, NOTHING. All you have to do is break it off completely. And i doo still think about that guy, almost everyday.... actually it was everyday till recently, now i can go a day now! . i dated this guy 3.5 years, we lived together..... but i booked out faster than he could say laRubiaBonita! i have not spoken/ had contact with him since april 20-something...... he has not tried to contact me either, thankfully..... i do not go to his myspace to check on him, i am done with his slimely butt. It can be done, and trust me i waited until it was killing me. i had become so angry with him, then myself for staying with hhim and lettng him treat my like a piece of crap. I can honestly say, breaking up with him was the best thing ever! I have this new confidance, i WILL not take crap from some dude i am dating, because I AM worth sooo much more than that. i did love him, he was my first love. and it was great, when it was..... and i treasure the good times and experiences i had withhim, and the new things i was exposed to, and I know i taught him a lot too. IMO~ if you have to ask others if this is the person for you....cause you do not know, Then that person most likely is not the one, and you already know it. LOL laRubiaBonita! you made me laugh out loud LOL thanks for your comment. well i really agree with what you say, so i guess ill just stop talkin to her compeletly. though, i have to get my stuff back from her tomorrow, do you think i should just act koo and end everything as soon as possible? (i mean leaving early and stuff) and not sticking around. well what do you think? if i say "i have to hang with my friends" which i really do, she might get mad. however she is going to hang out with her friends too, so would it be fair to tell her? i want to be an honest person now, but i also dont want to make her mad/jealous. thanks a lot for your replies again !!!!
laRubiaBonita Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 that was the thing.... with my x... being he was outta town and all, it was peeerfect, got my crap.... which was a lot.... i had moved out about a 8 months earlier.... shortly after he cheated on my the first time, which he thought i should be cool enough with to hang out with said slut, on occasion (NOT)! do you know how hard it is for a buck-40 gal to load a 150lb werlitzur in the mini size trunk of her corolla by herself? quite difficult, but i did it BY MYSELF! empowerment 1! (i had bruises on my legs from it!!) i left the crap i did not care about, and the stuff i "let" him have i wrote mean nasty things on permanant marker on... like what a lying -no-good- SOB he was.... that really was a part of my therapy too... actually here is the post if you feel like reading it: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t87678/?highlight=laRubiaBonita we had/ still have some mutual friends.... i like to think of them more as MY friends than his/ ours..... IMO, they like me and get me better than he did, they accept me for me... etc.... but that is what was best for me.... without knowing the FULL history i could not tell you what, exactly i may do....in your situation, i can only tell you what i have done, and that it was THE best thing for ME...... and i do not regret any of it.
Author Confuggled_one Posted September 9, 2006 Author Posted September 9, 2006 heyy bonita! thanks for all your replies.. we share mutual friends but my ex is a super cute and innocent looking girl.. a GIRL which is much easier to manipulate people.. and she has a good front and she knows which buttons to push for my friends.. so i think in a way she is winning all my friends over, except for the older ones or the ones who really know about her. im starting to care less.. but she has been asking my friend what has been up with me.. where i went, etc.. so i think she still cares.. toob ad she is gonna lose something soon. im going to read that link you sent me, so thanks a lot! edit: thanks for sending me your story. i am sorry that happened. you seem to be a very understanding and caring girl. i can tell you now that he is missing out on a lot of great stuff... so sucks to be him. im glad you left because if he cheated on that girl that meand in the long run he would have cheated on you. stay strong and dont be down no more. you are a great girl bonita!1
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