Text me again and i'm coming through the phone

[moman]

I must be different. I prefer to receive a text message over a phone call, and likewise I prefer to text people instead of call them. It makes communication easier and less pressured.

 

The_write_one - good luck, keep improving your life, and move on. Hopefully she will come to her senses. Been there with ya bro.

[The write one]

I appreciate it the luck. I responded to her evil text last night with a "What you talkin bout Willis" type of i never got any of your messages responce. So that should get her to realize that her text was mean and ease my conscience at the same time. But i had a slight revelation/epiphany last night. I realized that i do want her to contact me in some way...I'd rather a call, but a text nontheless. It shows me that i am still on her mind. Even though her texts are general as hell, I know they are derived from deep thoughts about me. That alone gives me some form or mental relaxation.

 

What hurts, however, is the fact that i'm playing this BS game of NC, which leads me into this

 

"OK, she texted me, now i'm going to wait a few day before i respond."

 

During this war strategy or waiting period, I stress myself out thinking about her all the time and thinking when it would be most effective to respond. Meanwhile, her mind is a t ease becasue she contacted me. These actions alone are what's killing me, not the texts, not the evil messages, but the build up of UNESSASARY stress.

 

I recall this phrase i always used to hear growing up as a preacher's son "Let go and let God" That's all i really can do at this piont. What scares me about the whole no cantact thing is what if this is a test from her to see if i would fight for the realtionship or just give up. My ex used to say i give up too easily.

 

So what's a man to do...

[Walk]

No offense write.. but if you ever wanted your ex back, then why did you have sex with that other girl? Not to mention, it was after the ex stopped by and after the mother called, wasn't it? Maybe I got that part wrong...

[The write one]

It's simple, I believed i needed an ego boost. I am single at this piont and time and I am trying to move on just in case my ex doesn't come back. I don't know about anybody else, but being dumped and blamed for the dumping after 8 years really tears up the confidence you have in yourself.

 

I needed to feel like somebody wanted me and I was worthwhile. I'm choc full of emotion right now and i'm not thinking too logically, (this must be how women feel) so i did something that i shouldn't have by sleeeping with the co-worker. I know, but my ex sounds like she's getting on with her single life, so why sould i sit up in my room thinking about her and waiting around to see if she comes back to me?

 

I've gotten no indications that she wants me back and her mother's words are not hers...

[swirly27]

I appreciate it the luck. I responded to her evil text last night with a "What you talkin bout Willis" type of i never got any of your messages responce. So that should get her to realize that her text was mean and ease my conscience at the same time. But i had a slight revelation/epiphany last night. I realized that i do want her to contact me in some way...I'd rather a call, but a text nontheless. It shows me that i am still on her mind. Even though her texts are general as hell, I know they are derived from deep thoughts about me. That alone gives me some form or mental relaxation.

 

What hurts, however, is the fact that i'm playing this BS game of NC, which leads me into this

 

"OK, she texted me, now i'm going to wait a few day before i respond."

 

During this war strategy or waiting period, I stress myself out thinking about her all the time and thinking when it would be most effective to respond. Meanwhile, her mind is a t ease becasue she contacted me. These actions alone are what's killing me, not the texts, not the evil messages, but the build up of UNESSASARY stress.

 

I recall this phrase i always used to hear growing up as a preacher's son "Let go and let God" That's all i really can do at this piont. What scares me about the whole no cantact thing is what if this is a test from her to see if i would fight for the realtionship or just give up. My ex used to say i give up too easily.

 

So what's a man to do...

 

Write, this post here is what the problem is....you are using NC as a mere tool to bring her back and yet you are getting pissed that she is texting you but she's not calling.....when you clearly want her to call and ask for you back. You need to figure out what you want and go that route. If you weren't 'there' in the relationship or you have any doubts about maybe needing to try again with her, then go for it....if not, then cut all the contact and quit playing this out as a game. You're the only one hurting here because of it. Being friendly is fine if you wanted that and could do it, but here you are scheming when you should reply and how and its got to be draining and tiring. Just be straight.

[The write one]

I've been battling myself on if i should try to get back with her now or later. I'm affraid of getting rejected a second time. She just seemed so content with her decision and she said she didn't make her decision over night and she's sticking with it. But then again she says she's confused and still loves me.

 

I thought it would be best to let her have some alone time, time to think about what she wants, time to really know and understands everything. That's why i don't contact her, that's why i don'trespond to her texts.

 

I will eventually reach out to her, but like i said before, I'm also using this time to learn to love myself again and discover how to be different within a relationship. I didn't think i was that bad, but of course, i'm bias.

 

I'm tired of the games though, because at the end of the day i think i'm play with myself, no pun intended.

[swirly27]

Then you should be honest. You say you want to reach out to her sooner or later....what if later is too late? Do you have regrets that maybe your behavior caused her to break it off with you, is this some kind of test where she is seeing how much you'd fight for her? (thats kinda immature though too). Bottom line, just talk to her.....tell her you love her and want to be with her but don't want to be hurt, but its worth a shot to you.....if she hesitates for even a breath, then tell her you respect her decision, as she needs time and space, but then she needs to respect yours. Tell her she is worth a 2nd chance to you, but not if you're not worth it to her......if she's not sure, thats ok, she's only human too, but then you have to do whats best for you and THEN thats move on and do NC. If its meant to be another time, it will happen another time. But, the games will wear you out more than anything and then you have more chance of regrets.

[aikim]

Why is it so easy for guys to not have no contact with their ex more than girls? I just don't understand.

[Guest]

I just wish i would hear something from mine, i would love a text it is ahrd when they never get in contact so be thankful u are getting something. I feel like mine has forgot i ever lived and i didnt do anything bad to hurt her wow i must have been a real loser.

[Walk]

Then you should be honest.

Wise words in that post..

 

I second it.

[The write one]

I've been applying the NC rule for about a month now (to get her back) and i guess it's working but i think i fckd it all up recently. She's been using the fact that my mail was over her house ( i used to live with her) or my mail is still at the post office to contact me. I ignore her texts, calls and emails at first. Then i reply a day or two later. short and to the piont.

 

She even came to my house last week to drop off a few of my bills, which she said she would just slide under my bldg door in an earlier text. However, she managed to meet me face to face and then get into my apt. to use the bathroom. What a set back. But after a few more texts ingnores from me, i get this evil text this week from her saying...

 

"did u happen to gt my messages. I know you wish I fell off the face of the earth, but i didn't and ur being mean and rude by ignoring me, b/c i wouldn't do that 2 u"

 

I replied a day later saying "what r u talking about, i didn't get any messages"

 

Anyway, she called me yesterday (again about the mail) and i answered the phone. I acted happy and cordial, didn't mention anything about "us" and allowed her a few minutes to tell me how she's been doing. She said work was hard for her right now and i said sorry to hear that. Then i ended the conversation by saying i had to go, which i really did as some else was calling me on the other line.

 

Well, that night i felt it in my heart to text her to say "keep her head up at the job and it will get better." That's it. Well, i get a text this morning from her saying "Thank you. I appreciate those wrds coming from u"

 

First off, it took all night for her to respond. Secondly, I think i messed up my NC intensions of getting her back. Is she now going to put me in the friend zone and i have to srart over with NC. Or was there no harm done by my message.

[The write one]

NC is such a blessing in so many aspects. And i apprieciate everyone suggestions about it. I don't know if it's working to the piont of getting her back, but i know me not being there as i was in the realtionship is not sitting well with her.

 

Let's start off with last night. It's been a little ove amonth since i've applied NC with my ex fiance. As i was on a date with another woman last night, my ex blows up my cell at about 10:30 pm. I thought to answer it becasue i would have loved for her to hear the background niose and then tell her i'm busy and i have to go.

 

But i just let it ring, becasue i thought it would have been rude to talk to her in the other woman's presence. Plus, i figured that if it was really important or if it was "I want you back" my ex would have left a vioce message or a text. She did neither. I will say thought that i used to get only texts from her, which have no turned into a string of phone calls. So my situation must be improving.

 

So the night progresses, but i can't get why my ex called me off of my mind. It doesn't ruin my night but it does take some of my focus. Still, i have a few drinks, kick it with the new woman and enjoy the live music. But after i drop off my date aroun 1:30 am, i get another string of calls from her. I don't pick up, but i do call back after seeing that i missed them.

 

When i call back i say What's up, she says nothing, which dissapionts me because i wanted to hear more. So i give a little small talk "hows life, good to hear from you" Then i say i gotta go. My ex then ask why, I say becasue i'm busy, "Busy with what"

 

I didn't expect these question so, i tell her to hold on. I put the phone to my side to think of something to say. I then get back on the phone and tell her in a slightly giggly vioce. I really have to go now anf it was good hearing from you and i'll talk to you later.

 

All of a sudden she says Your not good hearing from me. And what are you laughing at. Who is in he car with you? Is it a female? Where are you going? If it was good to hear from me you wouldn't be ignoring my calls, emials and texts. Your not going to talk to me later.

 

I say, what are you talking about. I don't ingnore you.

 

She contiues to pull me into an argument. Whare are you going and who is the girl you are with. I tell my ex that its none of her business. She reponds by saying i've known you eight years and it's nothing wrong with asking you these things.

 

So i tell her i'm going to a friends house. She says is it sme girls. I ask why, as i notice myself crumbling under her whim.

 

I then just say, i have to go becasue i'm lost in my directions to my friends house. We hang and then less than five minutes later she calls back. I stupidly pick up and she says whay are you acting like i'm intergating you. I say that is what it seems like. The ex then proceeds to asks who I'm going to see and why am i going to see them so late. I tell her i'm going to a friends house party so i really must go.

 

But she comes back with, Oh your just living it up huh? I say yeah, aren't you? She responds no i'm alone at my house and noone is over here with me. I say okay, I can't talk anymore becasue i'm almost there, She breaks into tears and i ask if everything is ok, she says yeah, i say it doesn't sound like it, but she says everything is cool. So i say take care of yourself bye. That is it. Did i handle myself well. Because i do want her back, but i may have shown my cards and allowed her to control the situation. Tell me whay you all think.

[The write one]

I forgot to add though. She tells me through her ranting on the phone last night that she has some more of my mail at her house. now if you've read any of my previous post you can see a pattern here.

 

She always uses my mail as an excuse to contact or come see me. Well, this time she's like I have some more of your mail at my house and i also have you thesis here on disk. So she tells me, i can drop it off tomorrow at your house.

 

I tell her thanks, but no thanks. You can just put the mail back in the drop off box and the post office will redirected to my new place (i used to live with her). She says "are you sure, i'll be in that area tomorrow." She has done this before by dropping in for a surpise visit to "give me my mail."

 

She contiues to insist on dropping my stuff off and i tell her no that is ok, but I appriciate the offer. She comes back with "no you don't. Why are you ignoring me. Who is in the car with you? Blah blah blah." I shoot back with look, i'm not going to play these games with you. I have to go. That was the first phone conversation.

 

I don't know if this is an indication of her wanting to come back. but what i do know is she is looking for me to validate her. To pine over her. To be her little kitten in the basket just in case the world doesn't work out or she need her freakin ego stroked. I'm not going to be like that anymore. I refused. I already gave her everything in the world and she rejected me. If she does want to come back, i want her to work hard at it and want her to feel at least just a portion of the pain she has put me through.

 

NC is a beast and i'm lovin it. Please whoever you are out there. Go into NC mode immediately. Regardless if its to get them back or to begin to heal. I think i'm doing the right thing in my situation as i haven't contacted her in over a month, I've responded to some of her calls and some of her texts, but I have to show her she isn't my world anymore and she doesn't get all the perks of a realationship with me.

 

People you have to take that away from the dumper. Otherwise, they will just hang onto you until something draws their attention away and then you will be back to day one of your break up. Leave these people alone and allow them to live with their decision. My thearpist told me i have to get angry and i have to stay there otherwise i am going to become obssesed with getting her back. So to all--GET ANGRY at what these people have done to your heart.

[The write one]

to all others who wish to chime in. I applying no contact with me ex fiance who dumped me and i also want her back. It's been over a month since i've called her, but she manages to call me or bring me my mail from time to time. Please look at my earlier post on this thread to see what happened last Friday.

 

Well, last night i get home from a long night of work and see that she dropped off a package of my mail in the front door of my bld. I opened it, looking for a letter or something from her, but nevertheless, it was just my mail and other personal effects. So as i'm on the phone with one of my old buddies from the city i left for my ex, I begin to get extremely sad because she now has no more reasons to try and get in touch with me.

 

Well around 1 in the morning, as i'm still on the phone with my old buddy, my ex starts blowing my phone up. Now, three calls are considered blowing up, but she called a total of 20 times back to back. I didn't answer not a one of them, thinking if its important she will leave a vioce message or a text. It was so freaky because she just kept calling without a pause between them. Me and my friends were like "Whoa, she is crazy or something is really going on with her." But i stayed strong and didn't answer, looking to see if she would leave a message.

 

On like 12th call, she does leave a message. But when i get off the line with the buddy to check it, i can't, because my ex contiues to call, holding the line up. Eventually the calls stop and i check the message. Now my crazed, dazed and confused mind is looking for some type pay back for our last phone conversation (check out my last post up here for background). As i listen to the message, it's just an inaudible sound. It sounded to me like a consistant beating, then it sound like sucking. So my first instict is that she is having sex with someone and the bed is beating agianst the wall, but there are no moans or human sounds whatsoever. I then think she is giving oral sex, but once again no moans, groans or anything. I would think she would throw something like that in if she wanted me to hear her getting drilled.

 

I even forwared her vioce mail at like 1:30 am to two different women who are helping me through my break up to see what they hear. Both say it sounds like wind with a constant beeping. They also say they really don't think any woman is that horrible to leave a message of her having sex or giving oral pleasure (for the kiddies on here) to a dumped boyfriend. But the way she acted last time on the phone (crazy) I'm not putting anything past her a this piont. I even thought she might have been outside of my building calling me. Who knows

 

So my mind is racing through so many senerios looking for understanding to her barrage of calls and inaudible message. I begin to think she is in danger, but i still step lightly. So around 2:30 am (i couldn't sleep after that) I just text her and say "r u ok?" I didn't get a responce and i haven't gotten one today. So i'm freaked out, hoping she is ok and hoping she didn't do anthing stupid based on our last conversation.

 

My ultimate want (not need) is for her to come back to me, but i don't know if my ignoring her calls last night help that any. What do you guys think. I know i wouldn't calls 20 times for 30 minutes straight at 1 in the morning just to see if someone got the mail i dropped off for them.