scaredinlove Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I posted a couple of days ago that my MM's W got the phone bills with my number allover it and is driving him crazy to confess,he is saying we are just friends.He isn't confessing.She said she was going to contact my H but didn't, now she is telling him she will contact me and make me confess.He is asking me to lie but I don't know if I will be able too. I haven't told my husband yet and I decide not to tell, I just don't have the strengh for telling him, and I don't even know how to start.What you say? Hey honey I just want you to know that I been sleeping behind your back...My MM says he loves me and he dosen't want to lose me, he even said he will marry me. He is talking crazy and says he will leave the house one minute the other he will stay.He wants her to leave because he is afraid if he leaves his kids won't ever talk to him again.I met him to talk about cooling but end up making pasionate love. He said if he didn't love me he would have dumped me the moment she confronted him.She is giving him hell. I feel very bad, I feel like I am grieving.I have crying spells and pain alllover my body like I was coming down with a flu or something, I can't sleep and lost some weight, can't eat much either. I am hurting for them and myself and everybody else.I want to tell everybody but he says not now. This is not his first A, the other happened 16 yrs ago and he dumped the woman when the W found out.His W had a A too when they first got married ,so they have really bad issues in their marriage. I wonder if I am getting depressed or something. Is that how it goes?Is that normal to grief like that?any feedback would be helpfull.
veryconfused2 Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 My A is so similar to yours. I am married and having an affair with a married man. About a year ago, my husband found my phone bill and it had my MM number on it many times. He confronted the man via telephone and asked that we stop calling each other. We told my husband that we would however, it did not stop. My husband and my MM wife began talking and exchanging phone bills, copies of text messages and emails with each other. Now everyone knows about each other including our children. When my MM and I began talking a year ago, I never expected it to go this far. I began talking to him because for several years, my husband never showed me any love or affection, so when my MM came along he told me everything that I wanted to hear and then one thing led to another. We talk daily however we don't see each other often because of distance, but we love each other. This is my first affair and it has been the strangest thing to me. It seems that I have finally found my soulmate. After watching Tyler Perry's play Madea Goes to Jail, I am convinced that sometimes we meet and marry people that are only suppose to be in your life for a season but we make lifetime committments with them and end up being miserable. As I said earlier, both of our spouses know about each other and when everyone found out I wanted to end the affair. My MM said no because love can withstand anything. Can someone please help me? I honestly thought that once his wife found out about the affair he would leave me can someone (male) please tell me why he wants to continue? Could this really be love?
Rooster_DAR Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 You are going to wind up like every other statistic out there, and lot's of people are going to get hurt on the way. Yes, while it may be possible, (so remote, that winning the lottery in every state at the same time has better odds), you should focus your energy on what your doing in your marriage. You need to end you marriage first if your truly not happy. Sounds to me like your living in the fantasy of being in love, which is something that is very hard to break. Regards,
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 My MM said no because love can withstand anything. Can someone please help me? I honestly thought that once his wife found out about the affair he would leave me can someone (male) please tell me why he wants to continue? Could this really be love? Hi veryconfused2, I don't understand what you MM wants. If he loves you, why isn't he divorcing his wife to be with you? Why does he want to have an illegitimate and secretive relationship with you? I am also married. Last year, I had a sexual tryst with a MM. We don't see each other very often because he lives very far from me. About a month ago, his wife found some emails that I sent to him, and she confronted him with them. He denied having an affair with me. His wife then told my H, so now, I think my H is a little suspicious. The thing is, after being exposed by his wife, I see my MM in a different light. I don't want to carry on an affair with him. If we are to be together, we are going to do it the right way: we'd divorce our spouses and marry each other. However, my MM doesn't want to divorce his W. That tell me all that I need to know.
Seen_It_All Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Wow, he loves you, wants to MARRY you, doesn't want to lose you - yet he tells his wife you're nothing more than a friend? PLUS, he's asking you to lie to his wife for him, too? And he acts as though you should be flattered that he didn't 'dump you' after d-day? Of course he didn't dump you - he NEEDS you to save his A*SS with his wife. The same wife, by the way, that he's too cowardly to leave and is hoping SHE will leave so he looks like the 'good' guy. This is just wrong on so many levels. That's a new one. He's been lying, cheating, he's now gaslighting her and asking YOU to lie for him as well. And HE wants to be the good guy. Snort.
hooghie Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 If I were you, I would first worry about how I'm going to handle my situation once the W tells your H. I can say with 99.99999% certainty that this will happen. Your choices are to either tell him first or have a plan when he confronts you after the W does. Once you figure out how you are going to get out of that mess and what you want to do (leave your H, make it work, etc.) then you can see if being with MM is the right path for you. What you should NOT do is stay with your husband only because you can't be with MM. That isn't fair to either you or your H.
Author scaredinlove Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 My A is so similar to yours. I am married and having an affair with a married man. About a year ago, my husband found my phone bill and it had my MM number on it many times. He confronted the man via telephone and asked that we stop calling each other. We told my husband that we would however, it did not stop. My husband and my MM wife began talking and exchanging phone bills, copies of text messages and emails with each other. Now everyone knows about each other including our children. When my MM and I began talking a year ago, I never expected it to go this far. I began talking to him because for several years, my husband never showed me any love or affection, so when my MM came along he told me everything that I wanted to hear and then one thing led to another. We talk daily however we don't see each other often because of distance, but we love each other. This is my first affair and it has been the strangest thing to me. It seems that I have finally found my soulmate. After watching Tyler Perry's play Madea Goes to Jail, I am convinced that sometimes we meet and marry people that are only suppose to be in your life for a season but we make lifetime committments with them and end up being miserable. As I said earlier, both of our spouses know about each other and when everyone found out I wanted to end the affair. My MM said no because love can withstand anything. Can someone please help me? I honestly thought that once his wife found out about the affair he would leave me can someone (male) please tell me why he wants to continue? Could this really be love? I agree with you,my husband was supposed to be just another boyfriend I should have never married him.Some people are just ment to be in our lives for a little whitl. I also ferel that my MM is my soul mate and he says the same and says that he will make things right for us but we just need to be patient. How did the kids react?
Author scaredinlove Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 Wow, he loves you, wants to MARRY you, doesn't want to lose you - yet he tells his wife you're nothing more than a friend? PLUS, he's asking you to lie to his wife for him, too? And he acts as though you should be flattered that he didn't 'dump you' after d-day? Of course he didn't dump you - he NEEDS you to save his A*SS with his wife. The same wife, by the way, that he's too cowardly to leave and is hoping SHE will leave so he looks like the 'good' guy. This is just wrong on so many levels. That's a new one. He's been lying, cheating, he's now gaslighting her and asking YOU to lie for him as well. And HE wants to be the good guy. Snort. I know you are probably right, I know he is a chicken I told him that.I said "yiu are so greed and such a chicken that you will lose everything" I am not that courageus either or I woulkd have left my H and ended up this A. I love my MM and I just cannot lose him, I know he loves me too.Somethimes I sit down and think exactaly what you posted. But still I can't let it go and I get myself more and more deeply envolved.
Author scaredinlove Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 If I were you, I would first worry about how I'm going to handle my situation once the W tells your H. I can say with 99.99999% certainty that this will happen. Your choices are to either tell him first or have a plan when he confronts you after the W does. Once you figure out how you are going to get out of that mess and what you want to do (leave your H, make it work, etc.) then you can see if being with MM is the right path for you. What you should NOT do is stay with your husband only because you can't be with MM. That isn't fair to either you or your H. If my H finds out I won't lie to him I will tell him everything.I'm not staying with my H because of the MM,I am staying because I don't know how to get out.I told my H I want out but he says if I leave he will desapear and never talk to me and the kids again ,I cannot put that hurt on my kids. Not to be able ever to see the father. I want to separate but not like that. My H isn't a sensible person and I being trying to talk to him but he tells me I love him ,although I told him many times I don't.I actually been very honest with him about my feelings.He says I am egocentric and I just want to break up with him because I want to tell my friends I am idepndent.I don't have many friends because he always pushes people away.My cousin that I grew up with haven't come to my house for a year because of my H. I know the only way I will get out of this marriage is running like a fugitive in the middle of the night.Right now I don't have money and the kids are too small.I am just waiting untill they are a little bigger.I am trying to save some money too but I haven't been unable to do it either. Very though situation...
veryconfused2 Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 My kids really didn't say anything, my MM oldest child is cool with it. My MM wife asked her son not to talk to me anymore but he still calls me.
yousaveme Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 If my H finds out I won't lie to him I will tell him everything.I'm not staying with my H because of the MM,I am staying because I don't know how to get out.I told my H I want out but he says if I leave he will desapear and never talk to me and the kids again ,I cannot put that hurt on my kids. Not to be able ever to see the father. I want to separate but not like that. My H isn't a sensible person and I being trying to talk to him but he tells me I love him ,although I told him many times I don't.I actually been very honest with him about my feelings.He says I am egocentric and I just want to break up with him because I want to tell my friends I am idepndent.I don't have many friends because he always pushes people away.My cousin that I grew up with haven't come to my house for a year because of my H. I know the only way I will get out of this marriage is running like a fugitive in the middle of the night.Right now I don't have money and the kids are too small.I am just waiting untill they are a little bigger.I am trying to save some money too but I haven't been unable to do it either. Very though situation... You sound like my MM. He is in love with me , his W knows it. But because of the kids He is scared to leave because of how it will affect them. Its a very hard situtation on both ends. Im hanging in there trying to be patient its hard to be in this type of situtation. But i guess for some reason we are given what we can handle. Good Luck
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