donutqueen Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 My friend told me about this site and I am pretty much at my wits end on this and need some help. Has anyone every felt like alcohol was the other women (or man)? I have been married for 7 years and dated by husband for 1 year prior to that. When we first got together, it was fun to go out and party and dance and we did it alot. Now life is not so fun. Over the years, my husband appears to like the alcohol better than he does our relationship. There has been several incidents that have caused major problems. DUI's, fighting, flirting with other women, family events ruined, etc. I have given him the choice several times ME or the ALCOHOL. He always chooses me, but it happens again. Trust me, we have tried many things (counseling, Antibuse). In fact he is in counseling right now. I really dont need the whole alcohol lecture. What I am looking for is opinions on feeling like the alcohol is the other women/man and confirming if I am the only one that feels that way. Thanks, I appreciate your feedback.
reneet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Are you asking if you should stay & put up w/this?
NoIDidn't Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 My friend told me about this site and I am pretty much at my wits end on this and need some help. Has anyone every felt like alcohol was the other women (or man)? I have been married for 7 years and dated by husband for 1 year prior to that. When we first got together, it was fun to go out and party and dance and we did it alot. Now life is not so fun. Over the years, my husband appears to like the alcohol better than he does our relationship. There has been several incidents that have caused major problems. DUI's, fighting, flirting with other women, family events ruined, etc. I have given him the choice several times ME or the ALCOHOL. He always chooses me, but it happens again. Trust me, we have tried many things (counseling, Antibuse). In fact he is in counseling right now. I really dont need the whole alcohol lecture. What I am looking for is opinions on feeling like the alcohol is the other women/man and confirming if I am the only one that feels that way. Thanks, I appreciate your feedback. Addictions and character deficits show themselves in many ways. If you are feeling second in priority to his alcohol addiction, you should evaluate what you really need and expect from him and make your decisions from there. This could take a long time though, so don't be rash. Life is hard with an alcoholic. It seems like he is feeling guilty enough to try something to get you off his back for a little bit. I wish I could tell you that things will work themselves out, but until he kicks his habit you will continue to feel the brunt of his addiction.
consternation Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Your husband always chooses you over the alchohol, right. The problem is... that's not going to stick until YOU choose YOURSELF over the alchohol too. Choose a happy life for yourself, over his alchohol problem.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 At least alcohol is his other woman. Alcohol is my only woman
Touche Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 At least alcohol is his other woman. Alcohol is my only woman Aww..poor Burning...I'll be your Other Woman!
basscatcher Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Yes Yes Yes Yes Yes I dated a man for 6 months from college. After graduation we relocated to where I live now and lived together for 1 year. He was/is a hard core alcoholic. I too gave him the choice me or the bottle. He always SAID he chose me but he had to have his bottle. He hid it from me as much as he could but I could always tell if he even had just one drink. When he was sober for a few months we could walk into a establishment that served alcohol and just being near it made him a 'dry' drunk. Meaning, psychologically (subconciously) he began to act like he drunk even though he was sober. 3 months before I moved out I chose to leave him but had to wait for the lease to expire. During that time he began to drink openly and privately and became worse and worse until he backed me into the walk in closet and used my thighs as his punching bag. I told him that his bottle was his other girlfriend and he admitted it was. He felt bad all the time and tried to make up for his choice and cheating (with his bottle) but I chose to not put up with it anymore and moved out.. I never returned. Last I heard he had been sober for 10 months but I suspect he fell off the wagon again because of a email he sent me. I no longer will have any kind of contact with him again. If I run into him in public I will mind my own business. I don't want that kind of crap in my life again. 1 1/2 years was enough.. He can have his other girlfriend "bottle".. I won't compete with it.
Author donutqueen Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 I really appreciate all of your responses. It is a good feeling to know that I am not alone. Not that I would wish this on anyone. Does anyone have any ideas of how to deal with the situation? My husband really is a good man. I know he has a problem.
Guest Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 I really appreciate all of your responses. It is a good feeling to know that I am not alone. Not that I would wish this on anyone. Does anyone have any ideas of how to deal with the situation? My husband really is a good man. I know he has a problem. I was married 13 years to a functional alcholic. He too was a very good man, would help anyone, give the shirt off his back kind of person. However he would not help himself. For the majority of our marriage as well as all sorts of problems that go with alcoholism, I was desperatly asking him to seek help. I felt trapped in the marriage due to major life changes within a 18 mth period of time. He would get help, but would not agree with the counsel then quit. the last 5 years of our marriage we slept seperately, occasionaly being intimate, but the majority of the time he would come home from work and begin the drinking. I have a daughter, and knew that this would harm her too. I was raised with a functional alcoholic father. I wanted to stop the chain. I pray I was not too late. My daughter is 16 now and I have been apart for a little over 3 years. My advise to you is to do what is best for you and your children (if you have any). No one can force anyone to quit drinking or change their habbits, it is part of them, and only they can choose. You can choose to live with the drinking or not. That would be YOUR decision. It was a very scary decision but I know it was the right one. Good luck to you
mopar crazy Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I'm sorry you are dealing w/ this. My H was also a big drinker. Almost every night he was out drinking. Had a DWI one year shortly after our son was born 13 years ago. His drinking caused many fights. I put up w/ it for 10 years when I finally made him choose, our children and I or the drinking. I was ready to leave. The last straw was when he drove our kids home intoxicated from a sporting event. He did quit drinking and has been sober for 4 years. I thought our M would improve and it had until he had an A w/ a co-worker about 6 months after he quit drinking. He claims he didn't resent me for making him quit drinking and that is why he turned to the OW. To make a long story short, we R our M and he is still sober. If your H is anything like mine he wouldn't quit at just a few beers, he would drink anywhere from a 12 to almost a case when he went out on the weekends. He was a mean and aggressive drunk and I couldn't handle it anymore. If your H's drinking is causing problems (which it sounds like it is) you have every right to give him a choice, the drinking our his family. He can't just quit for a month or so and go back. He needs to quit for good and not go back. If he needs AA then he needs to do that also for help and support. GL, I hope your H realizes what he could loose if he doesn't change.
Author donutqueen Posted September 13, 2006 Author Posted September 13, 2006 Wow, I am impressed with all of the very wise advise I have recieved on this subject. My friend was right in telling me that this was a good place to get other peoples opinions. It just helps to know that you are not alone and to hear what I have been hearing in regard to what role alcohol can play in peoples lifes. Thanks
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