Leena Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I had a birthday a few days back. When I got together with my bf of 8 mths, he said he didnt want to know my birthday because he is terrible at remembering dates. A few days before my birthday, I asked him whether both of us could celebrate my birthday, he was a little upset. He said he had plans for the day with his ex. But he said he will ask his ex whether its ok to postpone their plans. His ex said ok but he ended up asking me to postpone my celebration. Then it ended up me not celebrating my birthday and he not going to his ex place because she had already thought he had plans with me. Does it matter whether he forgets or doesnt want to know my birthday ?
rina_r Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 How old are you both?? Sounds like teenagers...
SmoochieFace Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Plans with his X? Asking her if it's 'okay' (!) to postpone them? You've got bigger problems with this guy than mere difficulty with remembering dates...
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 URGHH!!! This guy needs to be taken out to the trash before the next pick up. Next, sweetie, next.
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 How old are you both?? Sounds like teenagers... What difference does it make? Love hurts, no matter your age.
Author Leena Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 Umm .. Pink Amulet .. why do you think I should throw him ? Maybe it could give me some sense.
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 He's 31 and I just turned 27. Well there you go Rina! No judging allowed Leena- This guy is bad news. Not only is he hurting you, but he is flaunting it! I hate men like this. GET RID OF HIM!
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Umm .. Pink Amulet .. why do you think I should throw him ? Maybe it could give me some sense. Maybe if I read it back to you in drama dialogue You: "My birthday is coming up baby. Can we celebrate?" Him: "No. I won't remember the date. Also, I will be seeing my ex girlfriend that day" Even his god damn ex girlfriend assumed he would be spending the day with his GIRLFRIEND on her BIRTHDAY........ *Calls electrician to fix the lightbulb above your head*
littlepiggy1 Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 So this guy would rather hang out with his ex than celebrate your birthday with you... Why are you with him again?
tikigods Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 he decided that he would rahter hang out with his EX then his GIRLFRIEND on your birthday, even after you told him, and then "forgot" about it. You need to find another guy
Author Leena Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 Well .. umm .. actually .. his ex is sick, she is just recovering from exacerbation cos she has lupus. And he is kinda going there everyday to check on her. And so happens on that day, he was suppose to do something for her. I dont know whether that is any help to me feeling sad that he doesnt want to remember my birthday.
Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I asked him whether both of us could celebrate my birthday, he was a little upset. His ex said ok but he ended up asking me to postpone my celebration. Then it ended up me not celebrating my birthday and he not going to his ex place because she had already thought he had plans with me. Does it matter whether he forgets or doesnt want to know my birthday ? Yes he better damn well care whether it's your birthday or not, and yes he better friggin' celebrate it!!! Especially since you reminded him nicely a few days prior that it was coming up, and ASKED him to do something with you. You didn't demand (at least that's how it reads). Why did he have to postpone your birthday? And why couldn't he celebrate it with you? And why is he so into his ex that you have to work around HER schedule?????????? Dump him and run. If I were in your shoes, I'd be pissed! And it takes a lot to get me angry. You are getting played, and you're going right along with it.
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Nope. It makes little difference in my eyes. He is with you. Any day with his sick ex, but not your damn birthday.
Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 That's all well and good that he promised to do something for her on your bday... but once you reminded him it was coming up, then he should've (at the very least) comprimised to find a day and time where both of you could celebrate it in style. I didn't read anything like that in your post.
Author Leena Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 Ah well .. he actually made plans to do that something for her before he knew my birthday was coming up. And he didnt ask when my birthday was since day 1 and he said he didnt want to know anyway cos he didnt want to be expected to give me gifts or to have to remember in the future. I just so mentioned to him my birthday was on that day and he looked upset and told me that he had initially had already agreed to that something for his ex. Maybe he just wants to keep his word ? I dunno. Am I just giving him excuses ?
Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I dont know whether that is any help to me feeling sad that he doesnt want to remember my birthday. I would be completely depressed if my bf didn't even care to remember my bday. I really feel for you. And I think you have every right to be unhappy and sad about how he's acting toward this. I know my bf sometimes doesn't remember the exact day.. but he tries. And I give him a him a few days ahead of time, just in case. He always comes through. Even the days he couldn't be with me on my birthday, he still had presents ready for me to open on my bday. To me, it just shows that you do care about the person. That you are happy they are alive, and you want to show them you appreciate them. Now, if he's as wonderfully supportive and caring toward you, as he seems to be toward his ex, then maybe it's just a matter of him not viewing bdays the same as you. Some people don't put any stock into them. But if you are feeling like second fiddle to his ex, and you know he enjoys having his bday celebrated (ie. he'd be mad if you totally neglected his bday), then don't put up with that crap!
allina Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Ah well .. he actually made plans to do that something for her before he knew my birthday was coming up. And he didnt ask when my birthday was since day 1 and he said he didnt want to know anyway cos he didnt want to be expected to give me gifts or to have to remember in the future. I just so mentioned to him my birthday was on that day and he looked upset and told me that he had initially had already agreed to that something for his ex. Maybe he just wants to keep his word ? I dunno. Am I just giving him excuses ? You are making excuses for him and for yourself. Say that he really didn't want to break plans with his sick ex (I think it's bs but lets pretend it's not) He still could have showed you he cared/put at least some effort in to celebrating your b-day. He could have made a quick visit with her then taken you out, or a number of other things.
superconductor Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I'll never understand why some women think the world will stop turning if their man doesn't celebrate their birthday. Some men (and women too) just don't celebrate them. It's not a big deal, never was, never will be. It's a birthday. Suck it up. Get over it. If you're that bent out of shape over it, then you've got other problems (read: narcissism) to worry about.
tikigods Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 There are more excuses here then in a President Bush speech!
Author Leena Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 I celebrated with my family in the end because we live some distance apart. He did said that if I wanted to celebrate, any day of the year can be a celebration. Doesnt have to be on a specific date. I guess, I was kinda sad that he got upset when I told him that my bday was coming up and it was just right at the same day he was suppose to do something for his ex. Funny thing is .. he remembers his ex's bday, a few weeks b4 her bday, he ordered flowers to be sent to her. And on the day itself, he bought her cake. And he explained that he just wanted to make her happy cos she is just recovering after being sick for 2 months. I feel jealous. But is it rightful ? I dunno. Its so contradicting. One side I can understand why he remembers his ex bday cos he spent 5 yrs with her but on the other side, why doesnt he want to even know mine.
dgiirl Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 If she wasnt sick in the hospital, would you still tolerate his actions? Bottom line is, are you happy in this relationship? Does him not remembering or wanting to celebrate your birthday make you happy? You dont need any justification for the way you feel. If you like to celebrate birthdays and it makes you feel bad when he doesnt, then you have every right to want more. Maybe not from him, but from someone else who is more like you.
Author Leena Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 Like superconductor said ... some ppl think that way ... so am I just blowing things out of proportion ? Should I be upset ? Or am I just being insecure and jealous ?
superconductor Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 You dont need any justification for the way you feel. If you like to celebrate birthdays and it makes you feel bad when he doesnt, then you have every right to want more. Sure, you can want more, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to get it. So, you can either deal with it, or lose the guy.
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