Kathleen2260 Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Last summer my bf started hanging out with his ex. She is married. He has always been on and off friends with some of his exes but this time it bothered me. Their actions seemed suspicious. She would call our house (we live together) and he would erase her messages. He would tell me that she was calling to see how "we were doing" but she never spoke to me when she saw me. she would call him on the one day he and I spent all day together (after her husband left for work) and they would talk and one time he accidently called her "dear" when I was in the same room. He said it was just a mistake. I knew he had a thing for her, every bone in my body was telling me that something was going on. But I could never prove anything. At first I thought SHE was the one after him because he would "accidently" run into her when he was at the store, or with his friends. I actually thought SHE was stalking him. Until I heard a private phone conversation between the two of them- she didn't know I was listening- she didn't seem attached to him at all. She just seemed into being friends with him. I was right- she wasn't interested in him but he had a definate thing for her. I found out that he told her he wanted to be with her (while he was still living with me) and that he wished she'd leave her husband and date HIM again. He also wrote her a note (that I found a copy of) that said he couldnt' stop thinking about her and wished she would call him. Soon after he expressed his deep feelings for her she stopped talking to him and started having an affair with one of my bf's close friends which I'm sure hurt him. So he was rejected and I think it is amusing (that she humiliated him) but I'm not happy that he wanted to be with someoen else and didn't have the balls to tell me before he went running after her. There was nothing physical (that I've found out about) so it was just an emotional betrayal. We decided to try to work things out and have gone to counseling once. His problem with me now is that I get extremely suspicious/jealous if he talks to other women now. Before I didn't care because I trusted him. Now I am struggling with trust issues. He will tell me everything he talks about with people now and where he's been and who he talked to without me even asking. He doesn't call anyone unless I am home (trust me I know this for a fact because I've been spying) he gave up his cell phone, he doesnt' go anywhere but work and maybe to see his friends a few times a month. I didn't ask for this- my only request/demand was that he NEVER have any contact with that ex again. So far he has stuck to that. My biggest concern though is that I've caught him lying/not telling the truth about his feelings or little things. For ex. he told me his BIL asked him to help put a new roof on his house on a sat. Well my bf and I only get to see eachother on the weekends because he works two jobs so we would not be able to see eachother that day if he went to work on the roof. A family member had just passed away and I didn't want to be alone that whole day so I asked him to stay home. Plus his BIL NEVER does anythign for my bf. So why should he help him? My bf agreed and said he didn't want to help him anyway. I asked him a few times during the week to make sure and he told me the same thing- that he wasn't going to help his BIL, instead we were going to spend the day together. Well that day came and my bf got mad at me and started yelling saying he wanted to go help his BIL. so all week he just fed me some bull**** story and then changed his mind at the last minute. Just little things like that make me lose even more trust in him. I'm worried that if he can't even be honest about he feels about something that has nothing to do with me, that when he says he'll never talk to his ex again that he's not being honest about that either.
Bryanp Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I think you need a new boyfriend. He is a liar and had no problems trying to cheat on you behind your back. He continues to lie to you about other things. Why do you wish to be second best to someone? You can do better. By the way, I think his ex was also being very rude to you and manipulative. I would dump the boyfriend and for good measure inform the husband of his ex that she is cheating on him. I wish you luck.
tikigods Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 the very fact that you can't trust a word that comes out of his mouth makes me wonder why you even bother to still be with him? Right now he knows he can do whatever he wants cause you will let him stay around and you will always be there for him no matter how many lies, or times he cheats. The first step to rebuilding the self esteem is to get rid of him
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