bridget Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 After my last godawful "relationship" trailed away into nothingness (am still pretty annoyed with myself that I didn't kick him into next month, but nevermind) I have a "date" tonight with a new fella and I am NERVOUS AS HELL. I've never done the dating thing before, I've always met blokes through friends or just done the one night stand thing which has turned into something a little more long-term. So, as fate would have it, I've been starting to think that I should maybe give myself a little more value and go on a few dates and audition (for want of a better word) a few men before committing to anything else... or alternatively, deciding that the single life is for me. Coincidentally, just as I was thinking this I got an sms from a guy I randomly met through friends of friends of friends in a club about a month ago. He said he was interested, but I was seeing my charming ex at that point so we left it. He then popped up on myspace (promising not to be a stalker, haha) and we had a bit of a chat in which he (after some dutch courage) told me that he really liked me and would be interested in getting to know me better, despite not knowing what kind of "relationship or non-relationship" I was actually after. So when I responded that I wasn't seeing that fella anymore he asked if I fancied a drink sometime. We've eventually got our acts together and that drink is going to be tonight. So basically, I just want some hints and tips as - at the grand old age of 21 - I have never been on a date! We're meeting in a pub we both know well, it's going to be very casual. But how do people get over these nerves? I'm nervous about walking in and not being able to see/recognise him instantly (therefore looking like an idiot), nervous about what to wear, whether he'll actually like me when we start chatting, what I'll do if he bores my half to death, what the "etiquette" is on ending the date etc etc. I would appreciate any and all advice, I'm having palpitations and for the first time in my life I am dreading going to the pub ;-) I do feel slightly as if I'm still on the rebound. Is that going to be a problem? I don't talk about my ex at all to anyone anymore, and feel as though I should be over it as it wasn't exactly a long-term relationship, but basically I just need assurance that I'm not doing wrong by this fella going out with him while I'm still getting over the last one. My friends are convincing me that this is the way to get over it - go out and have a no-pressure laugh with someone who seems to desire me. I definitely think that'd be the kick-start I need, and since we have so much in common there's the potential for at least great friendship! Any advice, tips, clothing/hairstyle suggestions welcome ;-) I haven't been this nervous in years!
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Ahh! Sounds like me a few months ago. Aged 20, and never having been on a date! Sometimes the best relationships start as "rebounds" so don't worry about labelling it as this. It's good to just get out there, and accept compliments. When you are in an unhealthy relationship, compliments aren't frequent, and you lose your self worth, so you will be amazed at how good it will feel to have a man say "I'm impressed" when you talk about your job, or "you look beautiful" when you walk in to the bar! Given the situation- avoid wearing something sexy, but make sure you wear something that makes you feel sexy. This is an important distinction. Low maintenence hair is good- you don't want to be worrying about your up-do while you are trying to flirt! You have the right attitude in walking in to this situation with "at least he could be a great friend". This takes some of the pressure off any hopes for sexual chemistry (in case there is none- at least you can have a laugh to pass the time!). It' so refreshing to read of someone "moving on", as this board is riddled with tales of "I can't get over him". Good luck sexy You seem great. I am sure you will blow his mind!
LittleNikki20 Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I just read this post and smiled!! Thats because im in exactly the same position as you!! I was in a relationship (a bad one by the end of it) we broke up only a few weeks ago. it wasnt a good break up, in fact he was very abusive etc. We donthave any contact now. I met a guy a few weeks ago, we just said hi etc, i met him through my friends, i went out last week and we got chatting in the bar, we exchanged numbers and have been texting this week! Hes asked if he can take me out tomorrow!OH MY GOD! Im the same as u excpet im 20. iv never really been on any real dates before, and im nervous as hell. We got on really well so im pretty sure the conversations will be fine but im worriedhe may be a little shy and il have to initiate all conversations!! What do i wear? its only a casual date but what if i look like iv made too much effort etc!!! I think we both need to give each other tips!!! xx:D
superconductor Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 You have the right attitude in walking in to this situation with "at least he could be a great friend". Uh, no. Bad idea. If you lock this fellow into the dungeon of the friend zone before you even get a chance to know him, you'll be doing him and yourself a big disservice. And if you expect some sort of magical "sexual chemistry" to light up the sky with fireworks the moment your eyes meet, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. By all means, go out, have fun, flirt, etc. etc. But give the guy a chance.
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Uh, no. Bad idea. If you lock this fellow into the dungeon of the friend zone before you even get a chance to know him, you'll be doing him and yourself a big disservice. And if you expect some sort of magical "sexual chemistry" to light up the sky with fireworks the moment your eyes meet, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. By all means, go out, have fun, flirt, etc. etc. But give the guy a chance. No, it's the "if all else fails" attitude that gets you through the date if he turns out to have bad gas, or belch a lot
Author bridget Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 Ahh! Sounds like me a few months ago. Aged 20, and never having been on a date! Sometimes the best relationships start as "rebounds" so don't worry about labelling it as this. It's good to just get out there, and accept compliments. When you are in an unhealthy relationship, compliments aren't frequent, and you lose your self worth, so you will be amazed at how good it will feel to have a man say "I'm impressed" when you talk about your job, or "you look beautiful" when you walk in to the bar! Given the situation- avoid wearing something sexy, but make sure you wear something that makes you feel sexy. This is an important distinction. Low maintenence hair is good- you don't want to be worrying about your up-do while you are trying to flirt! You have the right attitude in walking in to this situation with "at least he could be a great friend". This takes some of the pressure off any hopes for sexual chemistry (in case there is none- at least you can have a laugh to pass the time!). It' so refreshing to read of someone "moving on", as this board is riddled with tales of "I can't get over him". Good luck sexy You seem great. I am sure you will blow his mind! Thank you! That was just the little pep talk I needed, I'm still nervous as hell though. Like hand-shaking nervous, it's ridiculous. Nervous excitement, though, so it's not all bad Will definitely go low-maintenence with hair and clothes, last thing I want to be doing is pulling the hem of my skirt down or fiddling with hairgrips. Time to bust out the old reliable jeans and little top and then maybe just accessorise, I think. superconductor - the reason I'm sticking to the "at least I'll make a friend out of it" mantra is so I don't freak out with nervousness and go completely insane. I'm not automatically assuming that he's going to be just a "mate" and won't do so just because there aren't fireworks or anything like that (I've never had that kind of experience with men in the past, anyway, so it's not as if I expect it!). Just going to see how it goes, but I'm trying to downplay it in my mind because I'm so anxious. Hopefully it's going to be fun, as long as I don't do my usual nervous trick of spilling every drink in sight
dgiirl Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 It just so happens that I went on my first date last night I felt extremely nervous up to and during the date, but I'll give you the advice I received. Go into the situation with a positive attitude, that you're going to have a great night, it's going to be fun, and you are going simply for the experience, but dont get too attached to any particular outcome (ie things are going to hit it off). And give him the benefit of the doubt that first dates are nerve wracking and you might need one or two more dates to see how you feel about him.
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