InsecureGurl Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I'm trying to think of the best way to write this. This might sound like a shallow post, and I appologize in advance, but bottom line is, I'm insecure. I've never been physically (lustfully) and emotionally attracted to the same person. All my past relationships have been with men who are not at the top of attractiveness, but emotionally catch my attention. And anytime I find someone physically attractive, I just automatically think he's out of my league, I dont try, and if he shows me just the slightest attention, then I automatically think he's after one thing. I'm protecting myself. I feel so much safer with the emotionally attracted person because I feel more attractive and thus can keep his attention longer. I dont know where this fear and mistrust came from, but I would like to overcome it. But I dont even know where to begin.
DaNziNgQuEeN1 Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 I know what you're talking about! I've had similar experiences. I think it could be due to self esteem issues. You said that if a guy you are are phyically attracted to shows the slightest interest that you tend to pull back. It seems like you're afraid of being hurt and you might also think that there's no way he'd be honestly attracted to you so you think it's probably just for sex. With someone who isn't as physically attractive you feel secure because subconsciously you feel they are not a threat. You don't feel intimidated. The only thing I can tell you is that you should love yourself more. When you know that you're ok with yourself then these things don't take over your life. Why should he be out of your league? Maybe you feel there is an imbalance of power there. You feel that you've invested more because you like him more than he likes you and that there's a possibility you'll end up getting hurt because of it???? I'm not sure what goes on inside you, but I'm guessing that could be it. It's easier said than done, but what you should try to do is simply take the risk. When a guy you are physically attracted to shows interest in you, GIVE HIM A CHANCE. Believe that he can be attracted to you and that he doesn't just want sex. Sure he CAN be dishonest about his intentions but how will you ever know unless you give him that chance? Once you try to get to know him you can make a better judgment about whether he's TRULY attracted to you or he just wants sex. It's a scary thing to do but it's worth it. I hope I helped you if only a little bit.
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