Guest Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 About a six weeks ago my boyfriend and had a fight and didn’t see each other over a long weekend. After we made up, I went to his phone to delete an angry text message I had sent him. In his call log I saw a number of text messages that he exchanged that weekend with a female friend “Jane” that we both went to school with. At first the messages seemed normal “nice to run into you… we should hang out again soon”. This is a friend that I am aware of, but not that he normally spends much time with. A week or so later when we were out late for drinks (1am) on a work night (Thursday) his phone rang. He looked at the call and said “Oh, its Jane. I haven’t seen her a long time. I wonder why she is calling,” but did not answer. It seemed odd to me that a “friend” would call so late during the week, and that he would exclaim that he had not seen her in a long time since had just run into her! Over the past month or so I have checked his call log regularly and seen that either he calls her or she calls him a few times per week, usually at times when I am busy and not around. One time his call log was deleted entirely. If I had not checked his phone I would not have any idea about this! His behavior otherwise is completely normal and affectionate – not strange or evasive in any way. Do you think he could be cheating or starting something? How do I discuss this with him without admitting to my cell phone monitoring?
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I wonder why no one else has replied to this post? My granny always said look at where the advice is coming from, well i tend to be hyper alert on this stuff. A 1AM call from another girl suggests a familiarity (could just be too palsy) but combined with the frequent calls now is the time to do something. And he never mentioned this budding friendship? There is a thread her on how to confront someone based on info you got by snooping. It doesn't sound terrible, but it doesn't sound good. My theory is if you have nothing to hide, you hide nothing (Dr Phil). What i'm saying is I would be disturbed he never mentioned this friend before yet the call history says something else. Definitelt find out what is going on now and then take it from there. Good luck!
SweetRB Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 I think if you are concerned or if it is bothering you, you should diffenitly talk to him about it and ask questions. If he had nothing to hide than it shouldnt be an issue and he shouldnt have any problem answering your questions or telling you why hes talking to her so late. Every once in awhile I look through my bf's phone and if i see some number that i dont know ill ask him about it. No problem!
megnog Posted September 10, 2006 Posted September 10, 2006 find out what the F hes doing because something aint right
gemmab2020 Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 any more news on the text messages??? Has he still been texting her???
Walk Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Ironic.. I had something close to this happen in a past relationship. Supposedly my ex had hung out with his friends and this girl, and he'd been too drunk to drive home that night so stayed at the friends house (girl there too). He swore nothing happened. She called him once or twice around 1-2 AM that I knew of... He gave me a lame excuse... something about how he was the only one she knew who could buy beer. Anyway.. truth was.. he did everything BUT have sex with her on that one night. First he lied and said nothing happened. Then he said they only kissed. Then it was that they did everything BUT have sex because he stopped it.. But he'd lied about every detail from the start, so who knows what really happened. But he was acting pretty normal the entire time. I never would've known anything happened if the girl hadn't called him in the middle of the night... I asked his friend about the girl (because personally I think 1am is booty call time), he gave me part of the story, then refused to answer any more questions. I confronted the ex with what I knew, and he confessed what I wrote above. Don't know how truthful he was.. but I left him after that, so I really don't care.
superconductor Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 Sumptin's fishy. It's not ok to snoop on his phone, but it's also not ok that he's hiding this from you. (Separating the two actions in an argument, however, will be easier said than done.)
Guest Posted September 11, 2006 Posted September 11, 2006 This is a girl that he has known since high school and we in our late twenties – so they have known each other for a long time. The thing that is suspicious is that in the year we have been together he has only mentioned talking to her a few times and over the two months or so he has started calling and texting a few times a week – and not mentioning it to me. There is also a development in the situation as well. Two Fridays ago we went out with different groups of friends. We don’t officially live together but we always spend the night together. He came home to my house around 11pm and I asked how his night went. He mentioned that he had “run into” his friend Jane and had a few drinks with her and her brother. I think it is highly unlikely that with all of this calling he would just happen to run into her. Then this past Friday there was a text message from her saying that she was on her way out of town for the weekend but would give him a call sometime during the week. The thing is that I see my boyfriend pretty much every day. If he is seeing her on the side then I don’t know when it would be? What should I do??? Should I call her or confront him? any more news on the text messages??? Has he still been texting her???
lighthouse Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Are you friends with this girl as well? Could they be planning a b-day party for you? If not then you should confront him IMO. LH
lovestruck234 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Some situations I tend to shy away from such as this because I don't want to come across as nagging, obsessive, whatever...but I know for a fact that if this was happening to me I would ring that b*tch up and ask her what's going on. If she plays innocent or doesn't know what you're talking about, get onto your bf and tell im to 'fess up. When things like this happent that I read here on LS, it spins me out that people can be so calm about it. I would be going 'nanas if this was me! Don't hesitate for another minute. You have every right to know what's going on!! Don't think that you're at fault or anything like that k?? All in all, I often bring this to attention in these sort of situations....I wonder how he would react if the shoe was on the other foot?? Hmmm? Nup. Not on. This little txt friendly relationship needs to stop RIGHT NOW. Good luck!! Keep us updated!
norajane Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 but I know for a fact that if this was happening to me I would ring that b*tch up and ask her what's going on. She's not a b*tch if she doesn't know that this guy has a gf. Maybe he didn't mention that to her, just as he hasn't mentioned to his gf that he and this girl contact each other often. She might think he's available. Then this past Friday there was a text message from her saying that she was on her way out of town for the weekend but would give him a call sometime during the week. I think your bf is enjoying the attention and a flirtation with his long-lost friend. They may or may not have done anything yet, but if she's saying this, she obviously thinks their relationship is the kind where you let each other know if you're going out of town. That's not casual - I don't let acquaintance I just run into know if I'm going out of town. It's time to confront him.
lovestruck234 Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 She's not a b*tch if she doesn't know that this guy has a gf. Maybe he didn't mention that to her, just as he hasn't mentioned to his gf that he and this girl contact each other often. She might think he's available. Sorry...my bad. I just got a bit worked up.
norajane Posted September 13, 2006 Posted September 13, 2006 Sorry...my bad. I just got a bit worked up. No worries, sweets. She might be a b*tch if she does know about his gf. We just don't know one way or another yet. What we do know, is bf is hiding something from one or both of them.
Guest Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I remember this girl vaguely from school, although I don’t know her. I just recall my boyfriend mentioning her name and that she used to hang out with him and his friends…mostly a few years ago. I don’t know if she knows that he has a girlfriend or if he has mentioned me at all. From the amount that is calling her I am guessing not.
Guest Posted September 14, 2006 Posted September 14, 2006 I think your bf is enjoying the attention and a flirtation with his long-lost friend. They may or may not have done anything yet, but if she's saying this, she obviously thinks their relationship is the kind where you let each other know if you're going out of town. That's not casual - I don't let acquaintance I just run into know if I'm going out of town. It's time to confront him. Prior to dating me he was mostly single for five years or so, did a lot of bar-going and was accustomed to a lot of attention from women. When ever we go out to his usual spots he always runs into girls that he used to know from these times.
Recommended Posts