Beating him at his own game

[heathr3033]

My bf, and I broke up about a month ago after dating for a year. It was his idea... he says he doesn't know what he wants( I think it is because I got too clingy). He is 23 and I am 21, and we were supposed to be getting married in a year or 2. He got me a promise ring in March.

 

We didn't break communication completely after breaking up, and he started acting funny. He kept telling me he would call, and then he wouldn't. I had a gut feeling that he was playing games with me for some reason, so I got angry and told him I was going on a date with another guy. He got very angry with me, and I think he tried to get me back, because he told me he was going on a date with some girl.

 

I basically came back to him, and told him I wasn't going to date anyone else, and I asked him to hang out a couple times, but he refuses, but he called me this Saturday and gave me his new cell phone number (he obviously wants me to call). I know that it was a mistake to call him, but I just miss him so darn much. Anyways I took it really hard this weekend, and I called too much and probably got on his nerves.

 

My sister got mad at him and called his phone one night, because I was crying. My sister talked to one of his friends, and hinted really hard that Caleb was not dating anyone, and that right now he is trying to figure out if he wants to marry me or not. He also hinted really hard that I should not call him for at least a month unless he calls me, and that I should trust that he will call me when he is ready. His friend wouldn't come out and say any of this but he hinted really hard at it, and in a way called him out on playing games with me. He said that Caleb is having fun with this, because he knows he can have me.

 

I'm on my third day of no communication, and it is terribly hard. He hasn't called me since Sunday. How long is it going to take him to call me? What can I do to pass time and not think about him? How can I beat him at this game? Any advice or books I can read... anything would be greatly appreciated.

[SmoochieFace]

My bf, and I broke up about a month ago after dating for a year. It was his idea... he says he doesn't know what he wants( I think it is because I got too clingy). He is 23 and I am 21, and we were supposed to be getting married in a year or 2. He got me a promise ring in March.

 

We didn't break communication completely after breaking up, and he started acting funny. He kept telling me he would call, and then he wouldn't. I had a gut feeling that he was playing games with me for some reason, so I got angry and told him I was going on a date with another guy. He got very angry with me, and I think he tried to get me back, because he told me he was going on a date with some girl.

 

I basically came back to him, and told him I wasn't going to date anyone else, and I asked him to hang out a couple times, but he refuses, but he called me this Saturday and gave me his new cell phone number (he obviously wants me to call). I know that it was a mistake to call him, but I just miss him so darn much. Anyways I took it really hard this weekend, and I called too much and probably got on his nerves.

 

My sister got mad at him and called his phone one night, because I was crying. My sister talked to one of his friends, and hinted really hard that Caleb was not dating anyone, and that right now he is trying to figure out if he wants to marry me or not. He also hinted really hard that I should not call him for at least a month unless he calls me, and that I should trust that he will call me when he is ready. His friend wouldn't come out and say any of this but he hinted really hard at it, and in a way called him out on playing games with me. He said that Caleb is having fun with this, because he knows he can have me.

 

I'm on my third day of no communication, and it is terribly hard. He hasn't called me since Sunday. How long is it going to take him to call me? What can I do to pass time and not think about him? How can I beat him at this game? Any advice or books I can read... anything would be greatly appreciated.

 

Y'know... if people would just do what they intend to do instead of engaging in this wishy-washy bull there would be much less drama and angst in the world.

 

He breaks up with you. Then he turns around and starts playing games with you. He says he'll call you - then he doesn't. He gets mad because you have a date with another guy - and then he turns around and says that he has a date with another girl. Man, this guy's a real piece of work - to borrow a phrase that my eight year-old son likes to use.

 

Hey, he said it himself - he doesn't know what he wants. That's all you need to hear. Why allow him to mess with you like this?

 

Bottom line - if a guy breaks up with you, cut him off. Please. No contact, no games. Move on.

[Adunaphel]

Pretend he has left for some (safe)place in the rainforests area or the Sahara desert or the Anctartica, where there are no phones and the mail is not collected and that he'll perhaps come back in a month or two, and perhaps he will decide to live there the rest of his life and never come back.

 

Do what you'd do in the situation above.

 

Don't call him, and try to live your life meanwhile.

I know it is hard, but keep strong, and do not call him. And expecially do not spend all your time at hoome looking at the phone. Go out and enjoy yourself -or try to.

 

I wish you luck.

[Guest]

You guys are incredibly young and immature.

 

Let's say somebody was treating your mother this way (just pretend for a moment your father is not in the picture). He broke up with her, and now is playing games with her emotionally, making her cry, making her lonely, making her sad. And he's doing it, per his friends, just because he knows he can. What would you want her to do? Wait around for this loser? Would she deserve an immature, emotionally vicious guy like that? No way. Because you love your mother. And what you must come to realize is that you need to love YOURSELF at least as much as you love your own mother. You don't deserve this.

 

My advice? Find another guy. Don't ever talk to your ex again. It will be hard. Once he finds out you're dating, he'll go ballistic and try his darndest to get you back with emotional, tearful, angry pleas. Ride it out and don't respond; never give in. Because you love yourself, respect yourself, and know what you deserve. He brought it upon himself. And you eventually will be consoled by the strong arms of a real man who won't play games with your heart. There are SO MANY FREAKING GUYS out there with bigger hearts, paychecks, brains, and penises.