September 11 Birthday - Need Guys POV

[audmc911]

My birthday is 9/11. I have not celebrated in 5 years because of it. My boyfriend asked me what I wanted for my or to do for my birthday. He asked me if I wanted a gift certificate to a Salon.

 

I told him I wanted to see the Manning Bowl! Sunday night football - Giant Stadium v. Colts. Tickets can be purchased on ebay for $200. Not a big deal. I typically go to Giants opening day for my bday since 1986! Okay, so he says he does not want to go.

 

Wouldn't that be like a guy's dream date? A dream answer from his girlfriend? What is wrong with him? (BTW - He's a huge sports fan)

 

Okay, so I say then let's go to the Club (where they have lots of TVs and sports) and we'll watch it there and that we'll celebrate my birthday there. Okay fine. That was Monday.

 

Tuesday night - he calls me and says "what are we doing for "our birthdays."

 

His bday is Friday the 15th. I said, "well, we're celebrating my birthday Sunday night football and you're birthday is Friday - we'll celebrate the that weekend. What do you want to do?

 

When I said to him today, Jack, you are such a baby - I know your birthday is the 15th. Why did you ask me that question, what are we doing for our birthdays? He said it was an innocent question. I doubt it! We already discussed what we were doing (for my birthday only).

 

Then I said, well, I bought field box seats for the Red Sox v. Yankees for 9/17 for your birthday - he said he doesn't want to go. WTF is wrong with this man?

 

I told him that for "our" birthday we should break up!

 

Am I crazy or is there something wrong with this man?

 

Look, it's hard enough for me that my bday falls on the 5 year anniversary of when soooo many people died and we are so close to NYC. I just want to crawl into a hole and die as it is! Why is he being such a baby?

 

He screams and yells at me about all he does for me and it's never good enough and it's not true. A relationship is a give and take.

[Adora]

 

I told him that for "our" birthday we should break up!

 

Did you honestly say that to him?

 

Is he anti-social? Maybe he doesn't want to spend so much on tickets? Are you guys hurting financially? Even tho he is a guy, maybe he isn't in the mood to go to a big event like that? So he wanted to celebrate your birthdays together (they are only 4 days apart) - I don't get what the big deal is there. It did seem like an innocent question in my eyes. I don't believe he was trying to steal your thunder!

[SmoochieFace]

I told him that for "our" birthday we should break up!

 

If I was your BF and you told me that I would have gladly taken you up on it. That is a very insensitive thing to say to your BF. Happy birthday!

 

As ADORA said... what's the big deal?

[serial muse]

I told him I wanted to see the Manning Bowl! Sunday night football - Giant Stadium v. Colts. Tickets can be purchased on ebay for $200. Not a big deal. I typically go to Giants opening day for my bday since 1986! Okay, so he says he does not want to go.

 

hm, i know it's your birthday and it's a special occasion but honestly, my first reaction was - whoa, $200?!? to me, that is kind of a big deal, actually.

 

are you sure this isn't a financial issue for him?

[norajane]

I'm guessing it's a financial issue - he doesn't have as much to spend as you are spending on him and as much as the football thing costs, but he doesn't want to come right out and tell you. That would make sense with him wanting to celebrate the birthdays with one event, too.

[Buttaflyy]

WOW! Happy birthday! Mine is the 13 SO's the 14th and we say that all the time. "what are we doing for our birthdays". I think you should both decide. Sounds like you want to make plans by yourself. You're right, it's give and take. Give a little.

 

Did you ask him if he wanted to go before you bought the tix (for his bday)?

[serial muse]

That would make sense with him wanting to celebrate the birthdays with one event, too.

 

yep, i was thinking that exact same thing, norajane.

[directx]

Well, from your side of the story this guy sounds like an ass.

 

But your assumption all guys like sporting events may be off a little bit.

I love football, but i don't like going to the game. Its a pain in the ass to drive there, be crowded, cold, surrounded by drunks and loud fans.

Then you have wait 2 1/2 hours at least to get through all the traffic.

It takes the whole day and when you get home your exhausted!

Plus you miss all the other games that day!

Watching at home is just plain better! You can relax.

 

That being said, its your birthday dammit! And its a fine gift! He should go. Sounds like the honeymoon is over and he doesn't feel like making minor sacrifices for you.

[audmc911]

I agreed to go to the Club to watch the game and celebrate my birthday there. No big deal. I don't celebrate it anyway. It's 9/11 for God's sake! In fact, there wasn't going to be cake or anything.

 

9/11 as your bday sucks! You guys don't know! Trust me! It's lousy enough as it is.

 

I have never had a guy say to me, "what are you doing for me for my birthday?" and that's really what he was saying. It pissed me off.

[audmc911]

If I was your BF and you told me that I would have gladly taken you up on it. That is a very insensitive thing to say to your BF. Happy birthday!

 

As ADORA said... what's the big deal?

 

Yea, thanks a lot - that's not the POV I was looking for. Once again, it's never a happy birthday - it's 9-11 - what don't you get?

[whichwayisup]

Maybe every birthday, light one candle, in memory of 9/11 in the morning, then make the rest of your day about you. I'm sure it sucks to share that day with the devastation 9/11 brought, but your bday is still your bday!

 

As for you boyfriend and not wanting to go to see a football/baseball game, I think he just isn't into going period. Could be the amount of $$, or he honestly just doesn't enjoy going. Either way, he can make the effort, even if he's not into that sort of thing, you are right - Relationships are give and take, about compromising.

[Walk]

First off.. Is it $200 per ticket, or $200 total to go? Because I could probably justify spending 200 on my SO, but 400? hmm.. Then add in cost of gas, parking, food, additional gift and any soveniers you wanted... Suddenly talking about 500-600 bucks just for a bday you don't want to celebrate anyway. And doesn't sound like it'd be anything special to you, so you probably wouldn't appreciate the amount he spent.

 

It was good you comprimised by suggesting watching it at the bar.

 

But I'm having a problem with the fact that you didn't seem to even care what HE wanted to do for his birthday. You told him what you two were doing. You didn't take into consideration what he may have wanted. You dictated when his birthday will be celebrated, and what you would be doing. Unless he'd said in the past that he REALLY wanted to go to see the Red Sox, then are you really giving him something he wanted for his birthday, or is this just a continuation of your birthday? Is this what you want to do, or did you really take the time to figure out what he would like most, and tailor a gift specifically for him? If I were in his shoes, I would think you were using my bday to do what you wanted, and didn't give a rats ass what I wanted to do. I'd be pissed if I were him.

 

Then to top it off.. You throw a fit and tell him you want to break up because he isn't doing exactly what you want, even for his OWN birthday.

 

So now you get two bday's, he gets none. And you're pissed that he's not going along with you?!?!?!

 

WTF?

 

He screams and yells at me about all he does for me and it's never good enough and it's not true. A relationship is a give and take.

 

I think this has more truth than you want to believe. Sounds to me like he's feeling like you are hogging the spotlight. That he just wanted his bday to be about him, just like your bday will be all about you. And instead, he "gets" to do what you want on his bday. But if he says that's not what he wants, then you threaten to end the relationship to get your own way. That's childish. Immature. Manipulative... it's wrong. Where's the discussion? Where's the comprimise? Where are his interests in this relationship? Because I don't see you taking him into consideration.

 

It sounds like you don't have a clue who your bf is. You don't know what he likes and doesn't like. You interpret his words and jump to assumptions without asking questions. I can tell from what you've posted that you two don't have very good communication. I think you assume a lot of things, and then get upset when he doesn't think like you. You don't discuss with him how or what he thinks, you get upset and threaten him.

 

IMO, I agree with the bf. and I think you're out of line on this.

 

And Last thought. If you seriously do NOT celebrate your bday, then why do you care if he wants to celebrate his bday with you? You don't celebrate yours, so he should get to do whatever he wants and on the day he wants. There shouldn't even be mention of what you want to do for your bday. It should've been straight to what he wanted to do, end of story. Since you don't celebrate it and all that...

 

I don't celebrate my bday either. Know what I did on my bday? I went to classes, and did my normal every day things. That weekend, I helped my parents with some work they needed. That's what I consider NOT celebrating your bday. You, however, want expensive gifts and a whole week devoted to you. That is called Celebrating your birthday. So stop using 9/11 as a sympathy card to garner attention. It's Bull****, because your actions aren't backing up your words.

[audmc911]

Maybe every birthday, light one candle, in memory of 9/11 in the morning, then make the rest of your day about you. I'm sure it sucks to share that day with the devastation 9/11 brought, but your bday is still your bday!

 

As for you boyfriend and not wanting to go to see a football/baseball game, I think he just isn't into going period. Could be the amount of $$, or he honestly just doesn't enjoy going. Either way, he can make the effort, even if he's not into that sort of thing, you are right - Relationships are give and take, about compromising.

 

Yes, that's what my daughter and I do. We light candles at night and fly flags during the day. I usually keep her home from school, but she's in high school now.

 

And yes, I think you are right, he doesn't want to go period.

 

Thanks.

[audmc911]

First off.. Is it $200 per ticket, or $200 total to go? Because I could probably justify spending 200 on my SO, but 400? hmm.. Then add in cost of gas, parking, food, additional gift and any soveniers you wanted... Suddenly talking about 500-600 bucks just for a bday you don't want to celebrate anyway. And doesn't sound like it'd be anything special to you, so you probably wouldn't appreciate the amount he spent.

 

It was good you comprimised by suggesting watching it at the bar.

 

But I'm having a problem with the fact that you didn't seem to even care what HE wanted to do for his birthday. You told him what you two were doing. You didn't take into consideration what he may have wanted. You dictated when his birthday will be celebrated, and what you would be doing. Unless he'd said in the past that he REALLY wanted to go to see the Red Sox, then are you really giving him something he wanted for his birthday, or is this just a continuation of your birthday? Is this what you want to do, or did you really take the time to figure out what he would like most, and tailor a gift specifically for him? If I were in his shoes, I would think you were using my bday to do what you wanted, and didn't give a rats ass what I wanted to do. I'd be pissed if I were him.

 

Then to top it off.. You throw a fit and tell him you want to break up because he isn't doing exactly what you want, even for his OWN birthday.

 

So now you get two bday's, he gets none. And you're pissed that he's not going along with you?!?!?!

 

WTF?

 

 

 

I think this has more truth than you want to believe. Sounds to me like he's feeling like you are hogging the spotlight. That he just wanted his bday to be about him, just like your bday will be all about you. And instead, he "gets" to do what you want on his bday. But if he says that's not what he wants, then you threaten to end the relationship to get your own way. That's childish. Immature. Manipulative... it's wrong. Where's the discussion? Where's the comprimise? Where are his interests in this relationship? Because I don't see you taking him into consideration.

 

It sounds like you don't have a clue who your bf is. You don't know what he likes and doesn't like. You interpret his words and jump to assumptions without asking questions. I can tell from what you've posted that you two don't have very good communication. I think you assume a lot of things, and then get upset when he doesn't think like you. You don't discuss with him how or what he thinks, you get upset and threaten him.

 

IMO, I agree with the bf. and I think you're out of line on this.

 

And Last thought. If you seriously do NOT celebrate your bday, then why do you care if he wants to celebrate his bday with you? You don't celebrate yours, so he should get to do whatever he wants and on the day he wants. There shouldn't even be mention of what you want to do for your bday. It should've been straight to what he wanted to do, end of story. Since you don't celebrate it and all that...

 

I don't celebrate my bday either. Know what I did on my bday? I went to classes, and did my normal every day things. That weekend, I helped my parents with some work they needed. That's what I consider NOT celebrating your bday. You, however, want expensive gifts and a whole week devoted to you. That is called Celebrating your birthday. So stop using 9/11 as a sympathy card to garner attention. It's Bull****, because your actions aren't backing up your words.

 

It's $200 for two tics - these are coveted tics. I have no problem paying for them or splitting the cost with him either. I'd like to go to the football game to celebrate "our" birthday, but he did not want to go to the football game. So as I said, let's watch it at the Club, or at home, whatever.

 

He asked me what I wanted, so I suggested the game.

 

Don't make assumptions and I'm not playing a sympathy card. That's really rude. I live in Fairfield County - just outside of New York. What were you 5 when this happened?

[SmoochieFace]

Now... in response to my post... life doesn't just stop because of 9/11. Yes, it was a terrible thing but many terrible things have happened in the history of the world. Should we all just quit celebrating birthdays and other 'happy' milestones simply because they happen to coincide with those terrible events? 9/11 happened AFTER you were born so using it as an excuse to quit celebrating your birthday is a bit too much, IMO.

[DarkShadows]

Haha everyone is making a big deal about her spending 200 bucks on her SO's birthday. For my boyfriends first birthday we were together, I bought him a guitar. And those things are cost quite a penny, let me tell you.

 

But that was what he has wanted for years... Meh...

[audmc911]

Well, from your side of the story this guy sounds like an ass.

 

But your assumption all guys like sporting events may be off a little bit.

I love football, but i don't like going to the game. Its a pain in the ass to drive there, be crowded, cold, surrounded by drunks and loud fans.

Then you have wait 2 1/2 hours at least to get through all the traffic.

It takes the whole day and when you get home your exhausted!

Plus you miss all the other games that day!

Watching at home is just plain better! You can relax.

 

That being said, its your birthday dammit! And its a fine gift! He should go. Sounds like the honeymoon is over and he doesn't feel like making minor sacrifices for you.

 

THANK YOU!

 

I was looking for a point of view about the football and baseball games - I appreciate it very much.

[Buttaflyy]

THANK YOU!

 

I was looking for a point of view about the football and baseball games - I appreciate it very much.

 

I'm confused. I was trying to say that it may not be the way he wanted to celebrate and thought he had an input being that it was a double bday and...aww forget it! I'ma woman, what do I know?

[Guest]

Question: has your boyfriend been acting normally towards you, other than this whole birthday thing...or has he been acting differently even before the birthday discussion?

[Walk]

It's $200 for two tics - these are coveted tics. I have no problem paying for them or splitting the cost with him either. I'd like to go to the football game to celebrate "our" birthday, but he did not want to go to the football game. So as I said, let's watch it at the Club, or at home, whatever.

 

And did he say he was opposed to watching it at the Club? Now I'm confused. You suggested seeing it in person, he said he didn't want to do that. And he knew you would pay for the tickets? You actually told him this? Or was it implied and assumed he knew? Honest question.. Was he aware of your intentions?

 

Maybe I'm just tired, but what's the main problem here? If you're going to the club to watch the game and you're fine with that, then where is the anger coming from? You sounded pissed he didn't want to go see the Red Sox on his birthday. If it's not something he enjoys then do something he does enjoy. I'm not seeing the problem. My bf hates organized sports. It's really not that uncommon. All men are not hard wired to be sports fanatics. They are as individulistic as women are in their likes and dislikes.

 

And why does it matter if he wanted to spend birthdays celebrating together? I'd think that was awesome. To spend the day with the person I loved, just doing stuff WE wanted to do. But then, I don't really celebrate bdays, so I'd just use it as an excuse to do something fun and out of the ordinary with my bf. No attacks on him for not making the day, or weekend, entirely about me. No threats of breaking up because he suggested we combine them. Especially if his bday was just a couple days after mine. Personally your side sounds selfish. Sorry if you take offense to that. Like I said, maybe I'm just not understanding what you're attempting to say. Maybe he's being a complete ass and not even willing to do a single thing you want and that's what's pissing you off? Maybe he isn't even trying to make your bday special, and that's why your upset? But then I get confused because you say you don't celebrate it... So why are you upset?

 

Don't make assumptions and I'm not playing a sympathy card. That's really rude. I live in Fairfield County - just outside of New York. What were you 5 when this happened?

 

If you want to claim the 911 as your personal day, then fine. But you ARE Celebrating your bday IMO. And on 9/11, I was in training for the United States Marine Corps that day. Doing my duty for my country. Did you say you light candles?

It's good to reflect on what happened, learn and grow from it. But to stifle yourself for it? No one said forget... but if you feel that bad about it, maybe you could do some charity work or something. Help others. But if you think being miserable every year is going to bring any of those people back, you are sorely mistaken.

[flowergirl]

How old are you? You say you have a daughter in high school, but when I was initially reading your posts, I thought you yourself were in high school. If I were your SO, I'd take you up on your offer and break up with you. You sound like a childish, self-absorbed woman, and, as Walk said, you're using 9/11 as a reason to feel miserable. I'm sure that all the loved ones of the 9/11victims would love to have the privilege of stomping around, making demands for a birthday they purport not to even celebrate, or better yet, to have their loved ones to celebrate with. Please, grow up.