amanda39b Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hello, everyone, I pretty new to this link...But, I have a pretty serious problem..I would like your advice on this:Here Goes... I have a boyfriend of 6 years now...i have lived with him for 1 year 3 months now. I met him 6 years ago and we went out on a date or two and just became best friends...thats all...then it evolved into sex..but, everytime we started fooling around..he only wanted oral sex..done to him only...I got nothing in return!!! Since then, I decided to just be best friends and nothing more...cause it seemed that he did not want sex...So, one day we got into this very big fight..cause i was dating and he got very upset, I confronted him about all this and he said that he didn't want me to date anyone...cause he loved me. So, we declared that we were boyfriend and girlfriend..and we do have a great relationship...I love him to death and he loves me and my kids...PROBLEM: We do not have sex, at all...I try to start fooling around with him and he now just turns me away...He says that he's tired or busy...not in the mood..I don't give him any oral sex, cause I figure...I dont get any, neither should he!!! So, lately, I have been feeling like just a room-mate...This no sex thing or intamacy is really starting to bother me, cause I know that I am a very attractive woman, but he's just not into it at all..I feel more like a rrom-mate, cause I cook, clean take care of him all the time...I really don't know what to do about this...Please help with any advice...I know that I need to talk to him, but he'll just say..that he doesn't get any pleasure from it, he says that maybe its because I had kids and the house downstairs isn't tight enough...I don't know...Any Advice????Amanda:(
norajane Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Um, move out and find a new boyfriend? Harsh, maybe, but if he never wants to have sex with you, he's never going to want to have sex with you in the future, so what's the point? Do you see anything ever changing in his desire for you?
britchick Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hmmmm.....I don't think this is really anything to do with you or your 'house downstairs'. This is a problem he has and it doesn't sound like he's going to admit it or do anything about it. I agree with Norajane.
Author amanda39b Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 ..Well, I definately know that he loves me...thats a given, he's a great provider...he's a good man, he never cheats, drinks, smokes, doesn't go out, loves to do stuff together...he just loves to fix the house and stuff, he flirts with me all the time, but when it comes to it...NOTHING!!!..I just don't get it...I wonder what I can do to change it?? And you know what Britchik..I have thought of the same thing...I have felt like, something happened to him to...I don't know what..and he can't come to terms with it...Amanda
norajane Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Look, it's one thing for him to say he doesn't get any pleasure from it, and it's another thing entirely to DENY giving you any pleasure. He's being totally selfish in a bizarre way - I've never heard of a guy who's happy not having any sex for a year or a lifetime! But he's also being selfish by not touching you, by not giving you oral, by pushing you away and not caring that your needs aren't being met. No, you can't fix this, and he's not trying to deal with his issues - I'd suggest major therapy if he'd go! But if he won't admit he has a problem, it's doubtful he'd go to ta therapist. So, if he won't do anything intimate with you, and he won't talk about it and instead blames you for it (the whole house downstairs crap), and he won't get help for it, I honestly don't see what you're sticking around for. Do you really want a lifetime of no sex?
Author amanda39b Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 ..No, I don't want a lifetime of no sex...I feel like its hurting our relationship...I don't feel the same about him, the way I use too..I see him differantly..Like a friend or room-mate that is very needing... I take care of him and the household...I take the girls to practices after school, after working a long day in the hospital..I'm a registered nurse and he's a sheriff deputy...I feel like my time is commited to doing other things...just to fill the void...amanda
Author amanda39b Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 Thanks NoraJane...I think that you are right, and I really need this wake up call, caue I don't want to spend another 6 years of no sex...maybe, once a year..dunno...amanda
The slayer Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hi Amanda, Sadly I don't think that there is anything you can do to change things. In my view the situation you describe either means Your boyfriends feelings for you are not quite as you imagine them to beYour boyfriend is not able to or is uninterested in having a sexual relationship for either emotional or physical reasonsI don't mean to be negative about this, but all you can really do is try and talk to him about how you are feeling about your relationship, but I'd say the change or improvement will need to come from him.
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