Movin On Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hi. I need some help! As a favor to a stranger, Please don’t ignore this! I DESPERATELY need some support and words of wisdom. I hope I can find it here. I just had a few weeks of passion (with a married woman!) that came to a crashing halt. Dumb move, I know. I saw her four times. We had sex and passion that was beyond belief. From beginning to end, everything took place over one month. It is a convoluted story, but I will spare you the twisted details! I know this doesn't seem like a real "breakup", but it is. Read on... This passionate affair was truly a sex and lust thing. She did NOT want to leave her husband, and I was happy with that, because I know this wouldn’t work long-term. Although she is a true romantic, we made sure she wasn’t planning to leave her husband and THREE kids for lustful me (best sex she ever had in her entire life, she told me!) Yes, I admit, we did have one or two “Imagine if things were different…” conversations, but that was PURE fantasy, and we would shrug it off. Even in the throws of passion, we knew a long-term relationship would never work! She lives far, speaks Spanish, she is a different religion, different income group, no education, and she has THREE kids. So no matter grow great the passion and cuddling, I am not an idiot and I know that having great romance, sex, and passion does not mean that the person will make an appropriate lifetime spouse. Despite the wonderful feeling while looking in each others eyes, I know that infatuation, lust, romance, and love-at-first-sight is not a reason to end a good marriage with three kids. (This is her first time cheating, ever, and it has blown her away). I met her husband, and he is a nice person, and aside from this tryst, they do get along. He is better for her than me! I was truly ok being the OM, and we thought this would go on for a long time. Unfortunately, she started falling for me big time. In retrospect, although I was the more rational one, always explaining to her that lust and love are not the same, I think the chemicals in my brain went into overdrive, too. I think I fell for her more that I thought. Three weeks ago, her husband grew suspicious, and we had to call the whole thing off. This made her want to gravitate to me, but we both did NOT want her to break up her marriage. The success chances of our relationship are about 1% or something? We had the final conversation, and it was officially over. Her words were, “I cannot dare to live being in love with a man, and married to another.” She also said things like, “I hope you realize I wasn’t just f_cking you.” Uh-oh. As difficult as it was, and as sad as I am, I do agree calling it off was required. Amazing how quickly we moved from sex and lust to romantic love and feelings. Scary. I won’t do this again! Now here is why I am asking you to please respond to this thread. For the past three weeks, I am having trouble getting her out of my head. No Contact is a must, I understand. Of course I think about “What is she thinking?” “How is she?” “Does she think of me as often as I think of her?” but I know any contact will just prolong the agony, so I won’t call her! She told me she is erasing all my numbers from her phone. I know this is the right thing to do. Give me some credit! She broke her marital vows, and although I won't judge anyone for doing that, it is not a healthy thing. I KNOW she is not the one for me long term (at least my best friend has convinced me of that!) This woman was simply gorgeously beautiful in my eyes, and we brought out “romantic & lustful” feelings in each other that we both haven’t experienced since we were teenagers. (We are 33). From the moment we looked into each others’ eyes, until the final 16-hour sex marathon, it was pure bliss. We just had no idea it would have to end a few hours after that marathon. Terrible timing. From feeling on top of the world, to absolute crap. I have to admit, although I am normally level-headed, I did cry for the first time in years. That was weird. I am just begging you for some advice or techniques to help me get rid of these very intrusive thoughts. I feel like a jackass. It’s ironic, because during the affair, “_I_ was the one who kept trying to ensure it didn’t go from lust to ‘love’”. I was the one who kept saying, “You want to stay married, right?” I taught her that LOVE is what she has when she looks at her children and her husband of 15 years, it’s NOT what she feels for a stranger like me whom she just met. …and here I am feeling so lousy. I think about her (and the whole situation) in the mornings. At night. RIGHT NOW AT THE OFFICE! Does anyone have any techniques BESIDES TIME that can speed up this ‘moving on’ process? I feel like an addict going through withdrawal, and from a biological point of view, I believe this is exactly what is happening! This is withdrawal, like when a smoker quits and thinks about cigarettes every 2 minutes. One weekend we had a 12-hour sex marathon. Next day, we never speak again. Oh boy. This is tough. Does anyone have any techniques or ideas to stop these thoughts from popping in my head? Writing Journals? Talking more about it? Talking less? Blocking thoughts immediately as they enter my mind? Chatting with someone here? I admit that every few days it gets a bit easier. But then I look at a reminder, and oops! I am set back. I feel like a fool. At least this is not one of those break-ups like where you cannot eat, cannot sleep, cry all day, etc. I am much more level-headed. I understand that it is all a bunch of chemical reactions in my head. I am functional. But I am tired of being sad. And I am VERY tired of these thoughts popping into my head. I am tired of surfing the web reading all about romantic love. I think about her and the situation every 5 minutes. Last week I thought about it every one minute. So I guess there is some improvement! Advice, ideas, sympathy, support, techniques are very welcome! I would love to get this out of my head within a week or two, not a month or two! Maybe you can offer some wisdom. Please post or PM me! THANK YOU! (I just can't believe I only saw her 4 times, and knew her for a month. I feel like an idiot to let it affect me this way.... ) Thank you.
LawGuy Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hi. I am new to these forums, and I hear you. I can't think of anything specific except that time really does heal all. You sound like you are very level headed about it. I hope other members can help here.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I think you need to keep beating yourself up for playing a part in this since you knew she was married. Can you imagine the devastaion that her husband felt because of your/and her actions? Keep feeling crappy about what you did for a while, maybe it will teach you to stay away from situations like this.
Diver012 Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I think you need to keep beating yourself up for playing a part in this since you knew she was married. Can you imagine the devastaion that her husband felt because of your/and her actions? Keep feeling crappy about what you did for a while, maybe it will teach you to stay away from situations like this. I gotta say I totally aggree with this. Ive never been married but its an institution that I totally believe in. Its something ive always wanted but because of my own issues, has not happened yet, and may not happen. Sleeping with a woman that is not only married, but also has 3 kids with her husband? Do you have any idea what kind of damage may have been caused by this? Obviously this woman has issues. I think you need to sit and suffer over this for a long time, and maybe next time you think about sleeping with another mans wife, youll remember the pain you caused yourself, and that family over a woman that you could have never had in the first place. Think about it this way, theres plenty of single women out there that could have given you the same kind of passion and love. Why did you waist your energy and feelings on one that was never yours in the first place?
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