Husbands Best friend..who happens to be a girl

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Now.....He has this friend..who's a girl...who also is his ex-girlfriend. In the beginning I was like "Huh...ok" I got used to it. I knew it was totally platonic. They went out for like 5 years. Towards the end of the relationship they were acting more like friends than a couple. So My husband broke it off and the trasition was no different than the end of the relationsip so I guess they realized they were better off friends...quite good friends. So we all go out together (she has a BF) Sometimes just them two would go play pool while I'm at work. She came over and watched a movie while I was at work. Blah blah. It urked me..but I was ok with it. Mostly b/c I don't like her, not b/c she's his ex or a good friend, She's just not a nice person, she thinkgs her **** doesn't stink..she's not friendly..she walks into our house like its hers, she doesn't say thank you for even HI to me. So i guess its like a silent hatred. When we DO go out we talk and joke...but that's the extent.

They cooled down on hanging out so much. He asked me if it bothered me, I said a little and he almost stopped hanging out with her.

So yesterday..She texted him if he wanted to go out to dinner. I told him I wouldn't feel comfortable with just them two having a dinner together. He said that was fine and he didn't want to do anything I was uncomfortable about. So then he asked me if they can go play pool. He says she needs to talk to him about things going on in her life (she has no girlfriends). In the begining of out relationship I didn't mind if they went and did that.

Now, It urkes me a lot. I have this vision in the back of her head that she wants to tell him that she wished they had what me and him have and start recolecting old memories and try to kiss him or something. I know HE won't do anything, I just don't trust her. So to compramise, my husband asked me

if she can come over and hang out. Ok fine, he asked me if I was going to watch the football game..I said yes..opening day..DUH! So he said well we're not................................................................So i'm gonna go upstairs to watch the game and you uys hang out downstairs and "TALK"

So my negotiation was to cook dinner and watch the game together (Its my mother****ing house....I'm watching the game) So i figure i cook dinner and we eat it while watching the game.

Am I being a crazy psycho wife who is untrusting? I don't know why it bothers me..It shouldn't. It her I don't trust. I feel she's jealous of what we have..i don't know..Should I be ok with them going out to just play pool?

What do ya think?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Anybody? its eating me aliv!e!!!!

[blind_otter]

I am of the opinion that when partners have opposite sex friends, both people in the couple should hang out with the opposite sex friends. This is JMO, though, some people are more relaxed about this than others.

 

But I would have a problem if my SO wanted to go play pool with some chick he was friends with, without me.

[Adunaphel]

I would have problems with my SO goint to play pool with an ex-gf,

unless I knew her and I genuinely did not consider her a threat.

 

I'd actually find it disrespectful if my SO went out alone with any chick who acted like this:

Mostly b/c I don't like her, not b/c she's his ex or a good friend, She's just not a nice person, she thinkgs her **** doesn't stink..she's not friendly..she walks into our house like its hers, she doesn't say thank you for even HI to me. So i guess its like a silent hatred. When we DO go out we talk and joke...but that's the extent.

I wonder who wouldn't be wary of any ex gf that is this rude to you,

so I actually find you have been very reasonable.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

See..We do that, ALL go out together, no problem, just when they go out themselves...Just bothers me oh so much. Even tho I know I have nothing to worry about. And being that I have KNOW i have nothing to worry about.Why should I be bothered so much?

[blind_otter]

See..We do that, ALL go out together, no problem, just when they go out themselves...Just bothers me oh so much. Even tho I know I have nothing to worry about. And being that I have KNOW i have nothing to worry about.Why should I be bothered so much?

 

Because this chick hasn't made an effort to really be friendly with just YOU. You said that when she comes over and hangs out there is that element of silent hatred. How are you supposed to relax and trust someone when they can't even be civil to you?

 

Plus I don't get this whole, "friends with ex's" thing.

[whichwayisup]

It's time for him to distance himself from her abit....Their friendship was fine when he was single, but you two are married and their closeness isn't appropriate for someone who is married. It's just not cool!! UNLESS it is a once in a while thing, but it seems she's TOO cozy in your house. And, women can be bitches, so she's PURPOSELY throwing it in your face, showing you 'how' comfy she is in YOUR home, maybe to make a point to you.

 

He needs to let her know that the time they spend together will be in couples, and not so much one on one. He should be going to YOU more to hang out, to talk to...

 

Fact is, the relationship between them is too emotional, too close. All that is taken out of it is the sex - They 'feel' for eachother and that's not right when you're married. She knows this too and probably is jealous that you're 'replacing' her......

[hotgurl]

Well It would bither me but it would bother me way more because how she is treating you.

 

what does your husband have to say about her behavior towards you. He should stand up for you. She is being disrespectful of you in your home. Not cool. He needs to call her on it and make sure she knows you come first.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Because this chick hasn't made an effort to really be friendly with just YOU. You said that when she comes over and hangs out there is that element of silent hatred. How are you supposed to relax and trust someone when they can't even be civil to you?

EXACTLY..That's why I always thikn she has some alterior motive.

 

 

It's time for him to distance himself from her abit....Their friendship was fine when he was single, but you two are married and their closeness isn't appropriate for someone who is married. It's just not cool!! UNLESS it is a once in a while thing, but it seems she's TOO cozy in your house. And, women can be bitches, so she's PURPOSELY throwing it in your face, showing you 'how' comfy she is in YOUR home, maybe to make a point to you.

Ya know what she does....She bought us a picture frame for our wedding with our names engraved and the date...I have a feeling she did this on purpose so that OUR wedding icture will be in the frame SHE bought...also..for xmas..she bought us a nice like end table wine rack..completing our living room..She gets us gift to always remind us that she's in his life. OR so it seems to me

 

He needs to let her know that the time they spend together will be in couples, and not so much one on one. He should be going to YOU more to hang out, to talk to...

 

Fact is, the relationship between them is too emotional, too close. All that is taken out of it is the sex - They 'feel' for eachother and that's not right when you're married. She knows this too and probably is jealous that you're 'replacing' her......

 

He has distanced himself, They used to hang out every weekend until I came along..Now its like once or twice a month. And

 

Well It would bither me but it would bother me way more because how she is treating you.

 

what does your husband have to say about her behavior towards you. He should stand up for you. She is being disrespectful of you in your home. Not cool. He needs to call her on it and make sure she knows you come first.

Oh he sticks up for me...he tells me that she is a rude person and not friendly. You just have to warm up to her...No ****ing WAY. That's why I said I don't like hanging out with her if its just us 3. Kinda makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home..That's why I rather have her come over while I'm not there.

[hotgurl]

 

Oh he sticks up for me...he tells me that she is a rude person and not friendly. You just have to warm up to her...No ****ing WAY. That's why I said I don't like hanging out with her if its just us 3. Kinda makes me feel uncomfortable in my own home..That's why I rather have her come over while I'm not there.

 

It's not your job to warm up to her. It's her job to treat you in a respectful manner in your home.

 

He needs to say something to her about her behavior. Like this is my wife. You will treat her well.

[blind_otter]

I agree with HG. You don't make friends with people by tolerating their bad attitude towards you and trying to get them to like you. You make friends with people because they are nice to you! You shouldn't have to work for it, that's not your place. She should be making an extra effort to be friendly with YOU.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I agree with HG. You don't make friends with people by tolerating their bad attitude towards you and trying to get them to like you. You make friends with people because they are nice to you! You shouldn't have to work for it, that's not your place. She should be making an extra effort to be friendly with YOU.

 

 

She should.....But she's just not that type of person. Even my mother in law said when she used to come over for dinner..not a single word came out of her mouth. She woulnd't even say thank you for this nice dinner. So she's just a bitch! Or bad manners.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

See..He lets me go out with my friends...no problem....guys..girls..doesn't matter...But its not just me and guys hanging out. He never says anything to me about that. The main reason I feel bad is I don't want to completly erase her from the picture...they've been friends for 12 years or so...then I come along and ruin their friendship..That's the nly reason why I tolerate it.

[Pink Amulet]

Yuck- I wouldn't want his ex walking around my house, or playing pool with my husband. I get this horrible sense from the way you speak about the situation that womens intuition has kicked in, and you fear she may be trying to move back in on him... Edit: and you said this too...

 

If I were you, I would tell her to back the hell away from your husband and start being a little more friendly so as to make new friends- friends that aren't your husband!

 

I am of the opinion that when partners have opposite sex friends, both people in the couple should hang out with the opposite sex friends.

 

Could not agree more B_O

[tinktronik]

See..He lets me go out with my friends...no problem....guys..girls..doesn't matter...But its not just me and guys hanging out. He never says anything to me about that. The main reason I feel bad is I don't want to completly erase her from the picture...they've been friends for 12 years or so...then I come along and ruin their friendship..That's the nly reason why I tolerate it.

Has she actually done anything negative to you , beyond not having much to say to you?What do you mean when you say she's rude to you?

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Has she actually done anything negative to you , beyond not having much to say to you?What do you mean when you say she's rude to you?

 

I think not saying Hi or Thank you...Is VERY rude. He told me that she said she doesn't understand the problem with them going to dinner! THAT'S A DATE!!!

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

I feel awful. He's not going to hang out with her. I feel like I'm ruining their friendship. She doesn't see why it bothers me. Neither does he. I see her as an ex-gf..he sees her as a friend...Why do I feel so bad? I would feel a knot in my stomach if they went and hung out...either way I lose....

[blind_otter]

This is such a difficult situation to be in....but IMO your H should understand that you, like him, have individual needs based on your own personal morals and the way you approach life. He should respect that.

 

It's OK to believe what you believe, IHNFC. It doesn't make you a bad person.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

This is such a difficult situation to be in....but IMO your H should understand that you, like him, have individual needs based on your own personal morals and the way you approach life. He should respect that.

 

It's OK to believe what you believe, IHNFC. It doesn't make you a bad person.

 

 

He respects my feelings. He keeps tellingme not to worry about it. Its ok for me to not like him hanging out with her. SO he's ok with it..but I still feel like *****

[whichwayisup]

He may look at her as a friend, but what does she look at him like? I'm sorry, but female intuition here is important. YOU feel something isn't cool with their friendship...HIS intentions are innocent, pretty much what you see is what you get...With HER intentions, you don't really know. Fact is, you know how women can compete, even if he IS your husband, maybe in her mind she feels "I knew him first, so therefore, I KNOW him better than you, NA NA NA and you can't replace me, no matter what -BECAUSE I know him so well..." Hope that makes sense.

 

I think you need to talk to her! Just be blunt, but respectful. Explain to her how it makes you feel when she comes in YOUR home and treats you like a second class citizen in your own home. She is a guest in your house, so she needs to respect that - And not make herself so cozy there. I don't know, but she's got an attitude, that's for sure.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Fact is, you know how women can compete, even if he IS your husband, maybe in her mind she feels "I knew him first, so therefore, I KNOW him better than you, NA NA NA and you can't replace me, no matter what -BECAUSE I know him so well..." Hope that makes sense.

 

THAT'S EXACTLY HOW I FEEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness I can't believe how dead on you are! That's why I feel submissive..She has seniority

 

And I can't talk to her..Its awkward now that we've been arguing thru my husband.

[whichwayisup]

Don't let her make you feel that way! I Know it's easier said than done, and I've been in your shoes a long time ago....Let's just say the woman who was friends with my H isn't in our lives anymore...Difference is actually, my hubby didn't want to be close to her anymore once he and I got serious. She had issues with it and tried to come between us, tried to make me look bad, and she tried to convince him I wasnt' "right" for him. I was abit jealous, but once I realized her game and how she purposely excluded me, I stopped playing into it. I let him still see her if he wanted to, but he felt it wasn't right and not fair to me.

 

So, she's aware through him how you feel? If she's smart, she'll back off abit and if she wants him in her life, she's got to play the rules and live by the boundries set up by you two and not cross the lines. HER place a friend has to include you and until she realizes this, maybe it is best the two of them aren't so "close" as in sharing all in their lives.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

See...I don't mind that thier friends..But why does she ask him to hang out along? B/C they haven't dont that in a while? We ALL hang out..Why does she have to ask for just them two to hang out. That's what I don't get. Maybe she doesnt realize that things are changing b/c I am now in his life and she doesn't like that.

But I still feel bad that I come along and ruin a 10 year "relationship"

[blind_otter]

See...I don't mind that thier friends..But why does she ask him to hang out along? B/C they haven't dont that in a while? We ALL hang out..Why does she have to ask for just them two to hang out. That's what I don't get. Maybe she doesnt realize that things are changing b/c I am now in his life and she doesn't like that.

But I still feel bad that I come along and ruin a 10 year "relationship"

 

You're the one he married, not her. Don't feel bad.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

Not sure if you remember..but this is the girl who wanted her parents to come to the wedding, who didn't see anything wrong with that either....oh btw..I deinvited them...