rina_r Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Men are dogs by the way. That's a fact. Oh, no,no, dont generalize! Not everyone's brains are as screwed up as yours! There are good honest and faithful men too.
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Oh, no,no, dont generalize! Not everyone's brains are as screwed up as yours! There are good honest and faithful men too. *waits for one*
insomnie Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I agree that the "if you loved her, you wouldn't have done it" philosophy is crap...OP DID just make a mistake. But, I think his "mistake" is indicative of bigger personality problems that his GF has a right to know about. That's just playing fair IMO. So that she can make a decision whether or not she wants to continue being with someone who CHEATED ON HER WITH A HOOKER. I know I wouldn't stay, if only for the health implications. There are STD's that you can't test for unless symptoms are present, and a lot of times you can pass them on without having any symptoms (think herpes.) I'd be extremely pissed if my bf thought sleeping with a prostitute because the thought of sleeping only with me was bothering him was a good enough reason to endanger my health. Drunk slut at bar I could forgive because it would have been spur of the moment...but it takes some planning to go out and get a prostitute. Meaning, he must have weighed the consequences in his head beforehand, and decided the sex was worth it. What troubles me about this post is all the over-rationalization. The biology excuse, the drug excuse...with so many excuses I'd start to wonder if OP wouldn't do it again. After all, men are "programmed" to cheat, and prostitutes "don't count." So why not cheat again when the urge strikes?
lovelorcet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 *waves hand* Never cheated and never will... Not all men are dogs, if you decide you want to be one then good for you, have fun with that...
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Forgive me, but I thought you were female
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Haha- that's what you get for being a nice, honest guy
burning 4 revenge Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 You guys are being way too hard on this kid. Like I said, I don't even consider it real cheating. I just hope it wasn't a street prostitute, because that's rather nasty and I feel sorry for them and their circumstances, but if he paid out $300 to experience a beautiful call girl, I see nothing wrong with it. This is so much tamer than most of what I see on LS
KittenMoon Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Like I said, I don't even consider it real cheating. The fact of the matter is that his gf, were she to find out about this, will probably not hurt any less, regardless of the circumstances ofhis betrayal. If you really love someone, you simply do not do things you know would hurt them. Especially not for something so trivial as sex.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 The reason that people get so upset about betrayel is that it poses a threat that they will loose their SO to someone the SO finds more sexually appealing. Here there is no threat of losing him. It's much better than him trying to satiate his curiosity with a girl IRL. You can look at it from the standpoint that what he did, he did for his GF, not in spite of her.
DarkShadows Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 --It's much better than him trying to satiate his curiosity with a girl IRL.-- Umm this was in real life? He slept with another girl in REAL LIFE. Not over the internet... I don't get how you're seeing this as not real life. To think that, is absurd. He cheated on his girlfriend, yet it seems like you're condoning his actions. What he did was wrong...
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 The skanky person here isn't the prostitute, it's the guy who can't admit he screws around because he wants to keep his girlfriend and get sideline sex when the urge hits him. Sex act with another human=real life intercourse. He wasn't with a magazine or a blow up doll. Dope withdrawal stupors and gender pseudoscience are pretty cheesy excuses for cheating. Grow up and break up with her, even if you don't tell her what you did.
rainfall Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 didn't mean to be so harsh ladies.... i'm serious the whole monagmy issue is bit different (in my op) for men than women. biologically men are designed to reproduce as much as poss for as long as poss, women, ot so much. men can restrain it normally, but they can f---- up. the stats show men cheat more than women, most prostitutes are women, that's b/c men are hornier. i bet 8 in 10 guys (could be wrong) would say that the notion of being with one person sexually for the rest of their lives is something they do NOT look forward to. as we all know, men and women view sex much differently... Well I don't mean to sound harsh but if you dread the thought of only sleeping with your gf for the rest of your life then you are not with the right person. There is no excuse for cheating on someone you love. Drugs and curisosity don't make it any better. Break up with your girlfriend and next time you are in a relationship make sure you don't make the same mistake again.
EnigmaXOXO Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Errors in judgment and mistakes aside … there's nothing scummier than tricking someone into a relationship with you. And that's exactly what you'll be doing if you lie by omission or sell yourself by hiding the facts. In reality, you protect no one when you deny them their inalienable right to make informed choices for themselves. You're simply defrauding them (again) in a cowardly attempt to protect your own ayas and keep them beholding to you.
Guest Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Thx for the input. I expected to be drilled by most of you though it's sort of pointless to slam me since I'm slamming myself like crazy. The real issue is shuld I tell or not. Anyway, here's my plan of attack as I've mulled it over: Put myself on 4-6 weeks "probation" and do the following: 1) Not tell my gf. 2) Get tested for STDs (she was an "escort" not a street walker for those who asked...not like it's much better...but someone asked). 3) Assess the relationship. 4) If i'm clean w/stds at that point i stay with or break up. Clearly, somethings up in the relationship I must admit. There are some issues but i never considered them catostrophic. I don't want to get into too many details so I won't divulge them. Withdrawls, not being a real lady chaser, biology, et al. aren't the reason for the issues in my relationship. That would be a lame excuse I agree. But I do attribute them to the act of banging a hooker. Lastly, I'm not offended that you're ripping me, but seriously, no S$%! that i have issues and that I wronged my gf. You need to worry about those that don't feel torn up about this, those that cheat repeatedly, those that don't admit that they have probs, those that don't get tested for STDs. I know a lot of the women are on this site b/c you've been cheated on by guys so I do understand where you're coming from. As for my age, old enough to not do some stupid ass **** let me tell u...
Author zeroman Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 also, the "i should tell her" arugment is a bad one. i think (forgot who posted it) the thought of breaking up with her and not telling her about my f-up is a better solution...though i'm not sure if i'll do it. but hey, let's be producitve, the world of stds is scary. i know of some clinics (will get tested shortly) but am curious if any of you know of some decent web resources. my thing, i want tomake sure i get tested at the right time. (not too early or late). lastly, keep in mind that i don't want to tell anybody in my personal life so I'm using you all as a sounding board. no need to tell me i f-ed up. i'm calling myself zeroman and the thread is ultimate scum. i titled that. ease up b/c all this does is make me think you all are waaaay too judgemental.
Author zeroman Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 It sounds like the only substance you are addicted to is rationalization. I've said it before and I'll say it again: citing biology is utter tripe. Biologically, we should be pissing anywhere we feel like, fighting to kill whenever we feel threatened, etc etc etc. But people certainly managed to curb those urges, don't we? not when we're hammered. well, i know for sure when people get really wasted they've been known to piss everywhere, fight at the drop of a hat, etc etc. also, i do have drug problem hence, me cutting back, hence the withdrawls.
Author zeroman Posted September 8, 2006 Author Posted September 8, 2006 Oh, no,no, dont generalize! Not everyone's brains are as screwed up as yours! There are good honest and faithful men too. thanks rina. i just was always very proud of myself for being honorable so to come to the realization that i was a two-timer was a bit of a heavy pill to swallow. and please, i'm divulging a lot about my personal life. we all have dirt. some worse than mine, some not. just ease up off the high horse.
typical Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Put myself on 4-6 weeks "probation" I assume this "probation" that you speak of is abstaining from sex with your GF.....while you wait for the results....putting her through unecessary torment in the process....of course, you must know that she is going to become HIGHLY offended when you turn her down for sex and automatically assume (correctly of course) that you cheated on her or/and continuing to cheat on her. Her self esteem will take a nose dive, she will feel hurt and might very well look for acceptance from someone who wont turn her down for sex.... The point is, for every action there is a reaction. The more you post, the more I feel certain that this woman is going to suffer greatly from your selfish actions. Here is a thought....since you arent planning on being intimate with her, why not give the both of you a "break" for 4-6 weeks. You are in no shape at the moment to be a BF for her, and I can only imagine what those weeks are going to do to her self esteem. Throughout these posts, it is mentioned both by you and others the great need not to put her through any more torment and to refrain from telling her. Yet, I see from your posts, that you plan to put her through even more torment for YOUR mistakes. I think that your afraid. You dont want to tell her the truth because you are a coward. It is well and fine when she thinks the world of you, but any wrongdoing on your part is immediately brushed under the carpet, hidden away from her so she has no choice but to think pure of you. Your type does the worst damage. For all your effort to promote a "god like " image, I am sure you will stop at nothing to keep that fallacy alive and thriving, meanwhile putting her through psycological torment each and every time. Its so sad, because in the end she suffers, and not you.
Pink Amulet Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 I live in the sex industry capital of my country and I recently read a local study which actually showed a lower rate of sexual transmitted infections/diseases in regular sex workers than most women under 35. Going by this study he would have been more likely to get a disease from a female who doesn't work in the industry because they obviously take more in depth precautions, and have very regular check ups. Just thought I would mention that in light of the "what about STD" rants.
nicki Posted September 8, 2006 Posted September 8, 2006 Listen to what Typical said. Words of wisdom there, and a perspective you might not be considering. Your girlfriend should also be tested for STDs. You slept with a hooker. Even if you come up clean, your girlfriend might come down with herpes/HPV or something else months from now. Those things can show up months later....and she should know to watch for them. Anyway, it sounds like you have a plan in mind which serves YOU best. Your question instead should be what would serve your girlfriend best? I can hear that you are hurting and you feel great remorse. It's not too late to do the right thing now. The right thing and the hardest thing to do are often the same.
Loserdude Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 You don't love her if you cheated on her... especially with a prostitute... That is something we don't call LOVE. Keeping this inside forever is going to be preeeetty hard to do. And if you plan on spending that forever with your girlfriend, you're going to be living a lie the entire time. She doesn't deserve that kind of life... Well, I agree that there are problems but it doesn't mean that it's not love. People do self-destructive things all the time but can be in love. I'm curious if our cheating friend here thinks that the 1/2 hour of sex (or whatever) was worth all that he gave up - which primarily is his dignity. Never can he now proudly say that he has never cheated on his girlfriend (whom he ultimately may marry). I think it's a mistake when people do not value fidelity and the positive effect that it has on one's psyche. We hear so much about "men are dogs" and "men aren't meant to be with one mate" etc but some do not realize the psychological effect of cheating and abstaining. You will either have to tell this woman your transgressions and suffer the consequences or learn how to deal with the guilt, which I suspect will not be possible. It sounds harsh of me to say it and you already know it but you blew it.
Loserdude Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 I missed that part... Yuck. This depends completely on personal values, morals and how you view sex... many people would be happy to just have one person to have sex with for the rest of their life. You're exactly right, Ms. Amulet. I take pride in my monogamy.
Loserdude Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 stoopid, having sex with the same person, at least for a guy, for the rest of your life is not something we look forward to. if u think that's wrong, you've got blinders on. that's reality. normally, that urge gets checked via the right hand and porn, but I'm telling you i was suffering from some mad drug "come downs" and bugged out. i have past experiences where i did some really reactive, crazy stuff in response to withdrawls. Well it's also biology to defecate, but that doesn't mean it's okay to do it in the street. Animals (some) may get the urge and act on it but you are human, you can't live your life in a way that doesn't get you into this sort of jam? I mean, that's your answer? We get urges and must act on them. Get some self respect and self-control. You'll feel better about yourself, trust me.
loser man Posted September 9, 2006 Posted September 9, 2006 guys, keep in mind this happened 2 days ago and I'm a bit weirded out by the whole experience. i'll make a more rational decision as i mull it over in the next few days. it just sucks to realize you acted like a buster. it's hard to face that.
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