rainfall Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I never said it was OK, I'd just like to know more. I'm also not sure whether or not he should tell her or whether or not "she deserves better." Yeah I'd like more details as well but I do think his gf has a right to know. If she choses to forgive him and try to work through it then I wish them the best. However I think for him to sleep with a hooker there was another problem in the relationship besides wanting to see what sleeping with another women was like. Again sorry if I sound bitter but like I said have been cheated on before and am not very understanding about this issure.
stoopid_guy Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Yeah I'd like more details as well but I do think his gf has a right to know. If she choses to forgive him and try to work through it then I wish them the best. However I think for him to sleep with a hooker there was another problem in the relationship besides wanting to see what sleeping with another women was like. Again sorry if I sound bitter but like I said have been cheated on before and am not very understanding about this issure. I appreciate where you're coming from, but from the original post it seems he knows he made a mistake and it's not likely to happen again. He doesn't seem like "scum" to me, but just a decent guy who's judgement lapsed. I'm not sure the relief of confessing to her would be worth the pain it would cause her and their families. Now, if he enjoyed the prostitute enough to want to do it again, it would be another matter entirely. If he did it because he was mad at his GF for something it would be different. But if he just did it out of curiosity and didn't particularly enjoy it?
Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 From my perspective.. (female, if OP didn't know) I think I'd have a far easier time dealing with the situation knowing it was a prostitute. If it had been the girl at work, or girl at the bar, I don't think I'd be able to forgive and forget. Prostitute is just about sex.. so although I probably could never forget, I could probably forgive over time. I don't know.. my bf's a trucker and he's had more prostitutes beat on his door then most men see in a lifetime. I believe him when he says he's never "used" one, and if he had, I don't EVER want to know. But because we weren't seeing each other for sometimes months at a time.. I think I could logically understand why he could've done it. Not so much emotionally, but logically I think I could. Flip side, if it were tearing him up inside about what he did.. then I would hope he would tell me. For his own sake, and not for mine. I still love him, even when I'm pissed or hurt by him, and I would still want him to be happy. It might not be with me in his life, but I'd rather he start to heal from what he did, then keep it hidden and let it rot inside him. Guess what I'm trying to say is.. if you are beating yourself up over what you did, you aren't going to be able to really "be" there for your gf in this relationship. If you aren't whole inside, then you can't be 100% there for your gf. Do what you need to do in order to be healthy emotionally. Even if that means you 'destroy' your relationship. It won't 'destroy' you. I cheated on my exH and it tore my whole world apart.... but you live. My family still loves me, my true friends are still my friends. And my exH begged me to come back and work on the relationship. It was my choice to not do so. This doesn't have to be "The End". It could be the start of a much deeper, more passionate relationship. One that fulfills your desires and hopes. Or lead to a life in which those can be fulfilled. And sometimes we have to tear ourselves completely down to base one before we can rebuild our lives into what we really want them to be.
Walk Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I don't think the OP is coming back. I'm wondering if this was "spur of the moment", or pre-planned to some degree? And what was it like?? I'm curious. Was it what you thought it'd be? Was she good? Bad? I've heard its not all that.. but I'm curious what you thought about it.
justagirliegirl Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Look guy, what you did is no big deal. Better a prostitute than a female friend that could lead to a relationship. That could be far more consequential ,right? So you wanted to taste another woman. That's what prostitutes are there for. Just take a deep breath and put this in perspective. And you'd be a fool to tell her and hurt her over nothing. That is funny. So you wouldn't mind it a bit if your so wanted to taste another man and paid for it? I can see how well that would go over. She: Oh btw honey I slept with this male hoe for one night because he had a huge schlong and I just wanted to see what it was like. He: Oh not a problem dear. Hope you had a good time. yeah right.....
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Mmmm, man whores... is there a greater gift to women?
justagirliegirl Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Mmmm, man whores... is there a greater gift to women? Really it might not be a bad thing. Get exactly what we want and none of their crap! A romantic evening. The guy looks and smells divine. Didn't have to nag him 50 times to shave, bathe, or pick up his dirty clothes off the floor. Then the sex. They do whatever you want them to do. I'd have to have a tall, dark and handsome guy with a massive schlong and a great sixpack. Maybe I'd be so stunned by his hotness I would just stare at him for awhile. Several hours of fun and send him on his way.
Kinger25 Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I'm really intrugued by WHY you slept with a prostitute zeroman. What was the stimulas for it? I know you said that you were coming down off "substances" or a "substance" at the time, but I've taken "substances" before, when I was young and stupid. I was abusing "substances" for a while but even then I would never have cheated on my boyfriend. It's that classic case of finding something to blame for your actions. Just cause you were "high", dosn't mean you can put all of your morals to one side and say "ok I'm gonna sleep with this whore but its only cause I'm "coming down" or only cause "im high" What kind of excuse is that really? I'm really sorry to sound harsh but you CAN'T love your GF if you were willing to put your relationship on the line like this. I'm not saying i'm totally slating you for what you did but surely a committed relationship should be about trust. You have broken the trust between you and your GF, whether you tell her about what you did or not. You are still gonna know and live with this for the rest of your life and the trust has gone. Is your sex life with your GF any good? Were you satisfying a fantasy? I need to know more about WHY you did what you did, without you blaming the "substances" for it ????
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Really it might not be a bad thing. Get exactly what we want and none of their crap! A romantic evening. The guy looks and smells divine. Didn't have to nag him 50 times to shave, bathe, or pick up his dirty clothes off the floor. Then the sex. They do whatever you want them to do. I'd have to have a tall, dark and handsome guy with a massive schlong and a great sixpack. Maybe I'd be so stunned by his hotness I would just stare at him for awhile. Several hours of fun and send him on his way. Sounds like heaven to me!
DarkShadows Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I don't consider it cheating. It's not like it's real. How do you mean it isn't real? It's as real as it could get. He slept with another girl, whether it be a prostitute, a midget, a trans, a man, a horse whatever! He still cheated and he does not deserve that woman he is with. What the hell? How old are you? Like 13?
DarkShadows Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 ---The scummy thing would be to tell her.---- The scummy thing would to NOT tell her. What the hell. I feel like choking you. lol
lovelorcet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Does your girlfirend know about your drug problem?
typical Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 having sex with the same person, at least for a guy, for the rest of your life is not something we look forward to. Well break up with her then...no one is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to stay with the same puss forever. Dont blame your gal for your own self imposed limitations. Since you feel this way about it, you may as well just tell her its over. I see no reason why you are going to resist temptation in the future with a thought process such as this. You mentioned that she has had a hard life. Are you deliberately trying to make it harder for her? A drug addict boyfriend that screws a prostitute sounds like a hard life for any gal, let alone a gal who has already been through the wringer. If you do feel love for her, why dont you simply tell her it is over because you are a drug and prostitute user, and you dont want to contribute a part to her already horrid life? At least let her make a choice. You shouldnt rob her of her free will to decide.
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 having sex with the same person, at least for a guy, for the rest of your life is not something we look forward to. I missed that part... Yuck. This depends completely on personal values, morals and how you view sex... many people would be happy to just have one person to have sex with for the rest of their life.
Author zeroman Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 okay, i smoke a lot of weed. when you quit, you go get really agro and jittery and reactive. just do a google search. it wasn't the norm. really, not to be mean, it seems like some (I repeat SOME) women here are wigging out (as they should), but i don't think they're processing all the facts very well. i've seen similiar posts like this and i do acceppt those who feel i should tell, but this, "if u loved her you wouldn't cheat", "how dare u want to sleep with another woman", omg, "you use drugs," is totally robotic thinking and you're off-base. u don't know if i love her or not and the fact i've spent hours on this board tells u i care about her just a little.
Author zeroman Posted September 7, 2006 Author Posted September 7, 2006 didn't mean to be so harsh ladies.... I know it's not okay what i did. i'm not rationalizing anything. everyone asked why i did it and i let you know. notice i didn't volunteer all the specifics right away. i'm serious the whole monagmy issue is bit different (in my op) for men than women. biologically men are designed to reproduce as much as poss for as long as poss, women, ot so much. men can restrain it normally, but they can f---- up. the stats show men cheat more than women, most prostitutes are women, that's b/c men are hornier. i bet 8 in 10 guys (could be wrong) would say that the notion of being with one person sexually for the rest of their lives is something they do NOT look forward to. as we all know, men and women view sex much differently...
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 didn't mean to be so harsh ladies.... I know it's not okay what i did. i'm not rationalizing anything. everyone asked why i did it and i let you know. notice i didn't volunteer all the specifics right away. i'm serious the whole monagmy issue is bit different (in my op) for men than women. biologically men are designed to reproduce as much as poss for as long as poss, women, ot so much. men can restrain it normally, but they can f---- up. the stats show men cheat more than women, most prostitutes are women, that's b/c men are hornier. i bet 8 in 10 guys (could be wrong) would say that the notion of being with one person sexually for the rest of their lives is something they do NOT look forward to. as we all know, men and women view sex much differently... and 46% of people on this site don't have puppies!
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I totally have to agree with Burning for Revenge. If you tell her...you're a fool. Why would you destroy your girlfriend in order to elleviate your own guilt? That would be selfish of you. If it were an ongoing thing, that would be a different story, but you're human and you're being way to hard on yourself. It was a one time thing...just don't do it again. This was an unemotional act for you. It's not like you cheated on her with your heart...it was pure physical sex. Also, NO it doesnt' mean you're not in love with your girlfriend. It just meant you wanted to try something new "ONCE AND ONLY ONCE." You're human, stop kicking yourself for being human. Besides, you're not married. It's not like you made a vow before God and promised to be faithful to your girlfriend forever. It's just a girlfriend. Girlfriends and boyfriends come and go. Chill out and stop freaking out over nothing. I would, however, get tested for diseases. Prostitutes are skanky and disease ridden. That was what your big mistake was. Make sure you're clean before you sleep or do anything with your girlfriend again. If you don't, that's what would also be selfish of you...and if I were your girlfriend, that's what I'd be more upset about. You endangering my health for a cheap nothing fling.
lovelorcet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Well regardless of your views on the cheating thing you seem to have a drug problem and you are paying for sex. Both seem pretty unhealthy to me and I would think that this kind of stuff even over shadows you banging a hooker. Maybe you should think about getting your sh*t together and taking care of yourself...
KittenMoon Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 didn't mean to be so harsh ladies.... I know it's not okay what i did. i'm not rationalizing anything. everyone asked why i did it and i let you know. notice i didn't volunteer all the specifics right away. i'm serious the whole monagmy issue is bit different (in my op) for men than women. biologically men are designed to reproduce as much as poss for as long as poss, women, ot so much. men can restrain it normally, but they can f---- up. the stats show men cheat more than women, most prostitutes are women, that's b/c men are hornier. i bet 8 in 10 guys (could be wrong) would say that the notion of being with one person sexually for the rest of their lives is something they do NOT look forward to. as we all know, men and women view sex much differently... It sounds like the only substance you are addicted to is rationalization. I've said it before and I'll say it again: citing biology is utter tripe. Biologically, we should be pissing anywhere we feel like, fighting to kill whenever we feel threatened, etc etc etc. But people certainly managed to curb those urges, don't we?
RecordProducer Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I did the unthinkable and cheated on my gf of 3 yrs with a prostitute. This is a first-degree cheating. You didn't just spontaneously end up in bed with someone after a lot of alcohol. You planned it (it dosn't matter if it was planned for one minute or one month)and actually spent money on it. Has your relationship been good lately? What made you desire another sexual experience? Did you subconsciously want to get back at your girlfriend for some reason maybe? Is your sex life great? How old are you? The motivation was just to have sex with another woman. Have you ever had sex with another woman in your life (other than these two)? What kind of reward/pleasure did you expect from this experince? You will not find peace of mind until you understand the reasons why you did it.
lovelorcet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I've said it before and I'll say it again: citing biology is utter tripe. Biologically, we should be pissing anywhere we feel like, fighting to kill whenever we feel threatened, etc etc etc. But people certainly managed to curb those urges, don't we? Ya I love the Biology thing all the excuses um answers are right there. Male Lions kill all the babies when they take over a pride. Try using that as the defence of a step father killing the child of his partner... I mean it is only natual...
nicki Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Hey, you aren't scum. You did a horrible thing, though. Even if you have issues with your girlfriend, there is NO justification for what you did. No one can ever do anything that would warrant the SO cheating on them. My husband was an abusive SOB and I didn't cheat on him. I was sorely tempted, almost did, so I took that as a sign to leave him. So, why don't you just break up with your girlfriend. When she asks you why, tell her. Don't worry about telling her first and then trying to "fix" things. Just break up and explain what you did. That's clean, and fair. What happens from there is up to your girlfriend. Forgive yourself. Learn from it. Take responsibility. Move forward and do something different next time you are confronted with the same choice.
Pink Amulet Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 So, why don't you just break up with your girlfriend. When she asks you why, tell her. Better yet. Don't tell her. Just disappear, IMO she will be better off with out you and without the knowledge of what you did.
SmoochieFace Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 I don't consider it cheating. It's not like it's real. Oh, but of course!
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