the_alchemyst Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Yeah, I am. A LOT. When it comes to many things--things that have to do with thought, I'm not insecure at all. In fact, I can be very assertive. I have absolutely no problem getting up in front of a group of people to discuss/explain something, asking questions when I don't understand or want more clarification, expressing my opinions and thoughts, provided I have any, in regards to topics, getting up to get something I need, etc: no problem. No problem at all. I can talk and talk and talk in front of a group of people or with just another about many things without feeling insecure or inferior in any way. There are times when I know my arguments are waay weaker, but it doesn't intimidate me, because I know that at least to me, what's important is to learn. I'll confidently deliver a speech, walk across the room filled with pretty people to go get X thing, tell the waiter they put tomatoes in my food when I specifically asked them not to, and so on. I can do this. But when it comes to my feelings, I am the most insecure being EVER. And it frustruates me because I simply cannot be the confident and composed person I am otherwise. I have such a hard time sharing the people I love, thinking that if I do, they will like them better and end up leaving me in the end. I think, honestly, that compared to them (anyone), I have absolutely nothing to offer or that what I do have to offer is not good enough. I get all sad and angry and upset and all of that good stuff when I hear about someone I love telling me about their experience with X person and how much fun it was. And by experience I mean something incredibly mundane, like watching a movie. In my mind, I don't want it to be so--I want my loved one to share those times with ME, not with X person. And I know it's wrong. And I know it has to change. And I know it causes problems. But what I don't know is how I can fix this. I don't know why I'm like this when it comes to my feelings because this truly is the only time I am so insecure--with everything else, I'm all right. It's almost as though I think that my brain's good enough but not my heart or my personality. I'm just always scared to lose my loved one to the other people they have fun with. And I hate this! I hate it! What's WRONG with me?!
burning 4 revenge Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 It sounds like normal jealousy to me. Nothing so terrible, or unusual about that. Your'e just being human.
magichands Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 It's almost as though I think that my brain's good enough but not my heart or my personality. Is that a joke??!! Please don't forget to use smileys. I'm just always scared to lose my loved one to the other people they have fun with. I doubt that love could be so shallow. Is this a trust thing? I'm all for fun, but the people that I really, really care about are the ones that have shown that they really, really care about me. It might have been a matter of timing, but when you need a little encouragement, or someone to talk something through with, well - you never forget those things. I say relax and be yourself. If that's not good enough for someone to love you, then the world can get stuffed. You have been true to yourself, and that's a pretty good consolation prize.
TheSilentType Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 It sounds like normal jealousy to me. Nothing so terrible, or unusual about that. Your'e just being human. exactly....
Author the_alchemyst Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 Nope, it's not normal jealousy. After this, what usually ends up happening is separation, usually me from them. It's so ridiculous and problematic it's not even funny. Like, someone will tell me how cool the movie was and that they went with Joe or whatever, and I won't want to talk about it, and will proceed to excuse myself and avoid that person for as long as I can, which usually is a few weeks/months. After hearing that, I seriously don't want to talk to them or know anything about them or even know that they're there. I just want them to go away and not come back. And no, I was not joking. I'm not smart or anything, but my brain definitely stands a better chance than does my personality.
loveinlife Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Looks to me like human nature. Happened to me before, I didn't realize that until I became sort of insecure about my ex when we used to go to school. For example: When good looking guys used to check her out and she looks at them. I thought she was checking them out too. Dunno what is wrong with me, guess it was my insecure problem. However, i learned to trust her and know I was just making a whole scene in my head for nothing. Basically hurting myself. I believe it's normal how you feel.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Are you talking about an SO hanging out with other girls, or are you talking about family and friend relations A?
Ariadne Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hey, Well, with parents like that what do you expect. Anything to them seems more important than you. You've been replaced by other things all your life. I know, I have my "emotionally unavailable" father problem as well. The only cure for that is by true love. But you know how hard "that" is to find. Ariadne
burning 4 revenge Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hey, Well, with parents like that what do you expect. Anything to them seems more important than you. You've been replaced by other things all your life. I know, I have my "emotionally unavailable" father problem as well. The only cure for that is by true love. But you know how hard "that" is to find. Ariadne Please sister. True love is all around you. What you want is something else.
Ariadne Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hi, Please sister. True love is all around you. What you want is something else. What do you think I want? Ariadne
Author the_alchemyst Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 Are you talking about an SO hanging out with other girls, or are you talking about family and friend relations A? Relationships in general. They are all the same to me, in that sense. My mom once told me I didn't know what it meant to have real feelings. I wonder what she meant. Hey, Well, with parents like that what do you expect. Anything to them seems more important than you. You've been replaced by other things all your life. Ariadne That's harsh, Ariadne. But I think you're truly very right. In the end, I really think everyone goes away, just like my parents. I just wish they did it sooner and didn't bother me with their love-crap. What liars.
burning 4 revenge Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 What do you think I want? Ariadne A pretty boy
Ariadne Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Well, Didn't mean to sound harsh, but that's how I see your situation. It's a trauma. I guess if one day you felt truly truly loved by a man that adores you, you wouldn't feel that way anymore. Is just that that is hard to find. But when the right one comes along (crossing fingers) you'll know it and you'll put your guards down. Good luck with that, Ariadne
Ariadne Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 A pretty boy Well, I wish it were that simple burning. Ariadne
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