pfeif216 Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I haven't been on here in awhile but I knew after this weekend I was bound to feel something...Quick recap I'm 27 yr. old gay guy who had my first "real" relationship that ended last summer(also my first and only "true" love)....he ended the relationship b/c he was confused and felt we were at 2 totally diff. stages in our lives(he is 10 yrs. older)...anyway I respected his honesty but was a complete mess for awhile...we ran into each other over the past year but I was good about the no contact thing. This summer we both had beach houses in the same town and it was inevitable we would see each other...whenever we've seen each other this past summer, its been really great b/c we do get along so well..to make a long story short..this past weekend he was drinkin a little and told me he thinks he made a mistake and misses me..blah, blah..he wanted me to go home w/ him and i told him i couldnt do that...i told him if he ever wanted to make things work again, he would have to REALLY work hard to win me back.... so he texted me tonight telling me he had a great time w/ me...i would never pursue him b/c i layed it out on the table but if he does want to grab drink/dinner, i dont know if i should go down that road again....im just so scared of getting hurt like that again and he has a reputation of being a bit of a player but i cant believe the feeling i get when im around him..its unexplainable....ANY help would be greatly appreciated....THANKS!!!!
californiakid Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 seems like you go for it, but under your rules or its keep it as a good memory and move on again!
smersh Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 this past weekend he was drinkin a little and told me he thinks he made a mistake and misses me... Okay, so I'm a new poster, but my two cents is that unless he's sober and KNOWS he made a mistake, watch out... Stay in control. Establish your boundaries. Call the shots. Also, honestly, as another gay guy, I'll just tell you that sometimes our first "true love" comes later in life than it does to the general hetero population. As a result, sometimes we think "first" = "only". And I'm here to tell you that's not the case. I know the feeling you describe, and it's electric, but it's not unique to this one person. If he doesn't treat you right, move on.
garnet Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 well, I'm a woman so I'm no expert on gay men, but I do know several who are your age and in serious relationships. You did the right thing by telling him he had to work for it if he wants you back. And he did text you when he was sober (I think) so it doesn't sound like it's just a drunk thing. The hard thing will be for you to sitck to that, BUT YOU MUST. He really has to prove to you that he's changed. I'd say it's important for you to try to understand what has happened in his life that has caused him to change his mind. In other words, make sure he isn't just rebounding or something like that. Good luck.
Author pfeif216 Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 THANKS for all of the feedback, i really appreciate it!! I've been really good w/ stickin to my guns this summer..he has tried to tell me how bad he wanted to hold me, blah blah but i kept on telling him he should do it the right way and take me out to dinner and work really hard if he wanted a second chance....the reason why im hesitant seein him again if he does want to try is b/c a week before he broke up w/ me the first time he told me he couldnt imagine his life w/o me and then he just ended it a week later....and his relationship after mine he ended it in the middle of a trip in Europe b/c he just wanted to be friends....i dont think he knows what he wants and even though im 10 yrs. younger sometimes i feel a bit more mature in areas....its just that we get along SO well when we're together and we laugh and all that but im just scared of getting hurt again...i dont know we'll see what happens
daphne Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 If he's 37 and still doesn't know what he wants, chances are he'll never know. You've done everything right til now. I say the best thing for you to do is to keep trucking the other way. He's not good relationship material for you and will just bring more drama to you. Protect your interests. You still probably have optimism. Don't let someone that's unhealthy for you bring out the cynic in you.
Rooster_DAR Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I'm not gay, but I agree that he has to work for it. If he's into you and really want to make it work, you will see some big efforts on his part. Don't cave in or you may wind up a doormat.
smersh Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 well, I'm a woman so I'm no expert on gay men Don't have to be, Garnet, and sorry if I implied that with my comment. I've always found a ton of wisdom on these forums that was non-orientation-specific. There may be a couple of differences in relationship dynamics, but overwhelmingly, relationships are relationships, love is love, men are weird, and your comment was on the money.
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