konfuzd Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Ok, I already know this is going to sound petty and stupid and I give you all free reign to slag me, because I probably could use it right now. I recently got together for a beer with an ex bf. The relationship ended 3 years ago, we decided to remain friends. That worked out for about a year, until we had a falling out. So, it was a little over 2 years since we were in contact. About that same time (2 years ago) I relocated to a different province for an exciting new job. I sent out a mass email to all my old friends just to give an update, and this ex happened to be in my address book. I decided to include him in the email to be a little nasty and basically say, "look how good I'm doing now, and what you're missing out on." Terrible and immature, I know *start the slagging now* Ironically, he was going to be in my city for work a week later, so he asked if I wanted to meet for a beer. Everything was going well until he brought up the break up. He said that his last girlfriend dumped him, so now he knows how I felt... I go, wait a minute, I broke up with you. He insisted that he was the dumper... really, at this point, it doesn't matter, but I'm still really disturbed by this, and I don't know why. Here's how the break up went: 6 months into the relationship it turned LD as I went off to school, he gave me a promise ring, and I was supposed to go back to be with him after school ended. We stayed together for 8 months LD. When I started to see my career opportunities, I felt I had to make a choice between him and my career (the best job opportunities would not be in his city, although I could have found an o.k. job there). So, I brought up the issue and told him he needed to step up the relationship if he wanted us to work, because it was a decent relationship, but not wonderful. I gave him back his promise ring, told him to think about it, and he could give it back to me if we rekindled the spark. He really tried to make it work, came to visit more often, increased the phone call frequency, but I didn't feel it was enough. I called him one night and said I was leaning more towards the career. He asked if we could just take a break and I said no, we're either together or we're not. He said, "ok, I guess we're not then" and that was pretty much it. So, at this most recent meetup, I said, "ok, if in your mind, you need to feel as though you ended it, fine, but I was the one who started it." He wouldn't reply to that, but through the night he kept making more references to "it's so much harder being the dumpee than the dumper" since I was his only relationship besides this other girl, I knew it was me, and it infuriated me inside, and I can't figure out why. We're over, so it shouldn't matter, but I can't get this out of my head! I guess that's why NC is the best way to go!
princessa Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Hey I really don't know why this is even bothering you. Maybe give it a couple of days and search deeper into the issue? Maybe the only way for this guy to make peace with this situation was to look at it from this angle that he was the one who dumped you? What's important is that you're ok with the situation yourself. You made your own decision about the relationship, and you tried to work it out as best as you could, so what's important is that you're at peace with what happened, no matter what label he wants to put on it.
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