Aussie65 Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 here goes...I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 months and during this time he has been living with me for around 6 weeks or so but currently moved back to live with his friends due to depression. I love this man so much and he knows it but I find it so hard at times when he is suffering as he shuts me out and he starts to talk about random things about going away for long periods of time etc.Then when he starts to get better he comes back to me.I am finding this both emotionally and physically draining and to the point where I myself had to be put on anti-depressents recently to cope with it. You see,I got very sick and was bed ridden for over two weeks and during this time for most of it he stayed by my side and was very supportive of me BUT I could see a gradual decline in his mood and then one day he just said he wanted to go stay at his friends.I got upset feeling very needy at the time and told him I needed him here but he still went and then told me he wanted to go live back there with them. Last week I spoke to him several times and he seemed very distant but then he surprised me by asking me out on Friday night!I was so overjoyed and we had a wonderful time and in fact the whole weekend was nice but then he went back on Sunday....stopped taking his medication for depression and now three days later he is talking about going again. I don't know what to do or how to deal with this,I let him know I am there for him but he just doesn't seem to reach out for me,infact he closes himself off from everyone. If anyone can give me some advice I would appreciate it.I do not want to give up on him as I know he loves me!He is struggling and I want to be there for him but I need to know how I can be.
whichwayisup Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 Is he seeing a therapist? Him choosing to go on and off the meds is making it worse for himself. Talk to his parents, friends etc., all of you need to stick together and get him the help he needs. Out of love and concern, otherwise his depression will get worse. You can only do so much, your boyfriend MUST make the first few steps, and you can't do it for him...As much as you both love eachother, right now this isn't about love, it's about fixing his state of mind before he hits rock bottom.
Guest Posted September 7, 2006 Posted September 7, 2006 Depression is never easy. It never effects only one person. From my own personal experience with depression I have learned that others can develop depression from you. It isn't something you can just snap out of and getting better takes time. A LOT of time! This all being said you need to figure out what you want. If you really want to be there for him and want to help him then that is great. If you don't have what it takes you don't want to make him sink deeper into his depression. Let him do the talking sometimes. Let him know you are there for him, be persistant but not forceful. Always make sure to actually listen to him and try to understand his feelings. Another suggestion. Try counseling together. Find support groups for depression that you can go to with him. There are even support groups for friends and family members dealing with a loved one who is depressed. You are going to find out just how strong you really are.
Author Aussie65 Posted September 10, 2006 Author Posted September 10, 2006 well from my last post so much more has happened.My boyfriend has a friend staying with him at the moment,an elderly gentlemen who has been speaking to me about how we both can suport him.I was travelling up to my BF's for three days straight....it seems that now he has developed numbness in his arms and legs and had to have blood tests so my bf's friend told me to go up there and be there for him which I did only to find that he had his friends go to the Dr's etc with him.....4 hours later I finally see him and he is distant towards me,a possible combination of depression and worrying about his tests but I stayed the night at his place and he never as much as even touched me all night,no hugs,no nothing.I woke up the next morning to find him still very distant so I finally got him aside away from his friends and spoke to him telling him how much I love him and am here for him.I asked if he wanted to go for a drive with me but he said he didn't feel like going outside.I then asked if I could come back later on and see him....he said he didn't know.I went home and called later to find he was outside with his friend which is a good thing but he could not go with me ya know,I then asked if I could see him and he said not tonight etc,I was so upset but then I said well OK when can I see you,he said,he wasn;t sure but then he said in two or three days.He knew I was upset as I told him I felt he was pushing me away from him and all I want to do is help him and support him and I find he seems to need his friends more then me at this moment.This was yesterday and I still have not heard from him even after he said he would call. I am not sure what to think,wether it truly is all these problems bothering him and he just doesnt want to upset me right now or he wants to end our relationship but does not want to say so. I am confused and fed up!I am not sure if he will call and frankly I have had enough.I love this man and knows he loves me but what the hecks going on here?
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