Is she gay???

[The write one]

I’m on my 6th day of “no contact” and it hurts and it’s scary because I haven’t heard from her either. We’ve returned the last of the CDs and all of the other shared items, so there’s no “Hey I just found your earring in my jacket pocket…”to trick them into seeing you.

For anyone else that has ever been at this stage, for me, it involves the faint hope they will come back to you once they have not heard from you in a while, you can’t sleep or eat, you hope they call just so you’ll know they haven’t forgotten about you and you having thoughts of your ex having a blast without you in their life.

I basically left to my own thoughts right now, coupled with your friends and families’ input, of what actually caused my woman and fiancé of eight years to leave me.

Truth be told, I think my woman left me because she wants to be with a woman.

Now I have no proof of this, but as I ponder back to any type of clues from the past as to what happened, a lot of red flags go off.

Tell me what you think…About 2-3 years ago, my woman told me she wouldn’t mind having a threesome. Of course, I was initially excited and ready to get started looking for a third party. But after the search slowed, I started asking questions.

She told me she had always found some women attractive, but nothing more than that. However, she would at least like to try being with another woman and her man at the same time.

So we searched websites and such, but had no luck.

Additionally, we used to give each other phone sex because we were long distance for a while. After she told me about her fantasy, the phone sex went from you and me and eventually developed into her fantasizing just about the threesome.

Anyway, we took a trip together to N.O., before the big storm hit. There, we went to a strip club, where I told her she would probably have to get the girl for the threesome. Well she spent the whole night talking to this one stripper who was all over her. I would try and chime in, but the two of them were in deep convo. The stripper agreed to the threesome, but kept saying “I’m going to take your girl away from you…” That sh** got to me and I called off it off and got mad at my woman for not including me or paying me any attention the whole time at the club.

Now, guys you may be saying “you fool,” but it just got to me, ok.

That was last year, but since then I noticed that she hung out with a few lesbians at her job. That’s nothing, but at the same time , she seemed uninterested in me sexually. I mean completely cut off and frustrated when we did make love.

One night she stayed up all night in another room on my laptop. The next day as I’m using it, a window to an Internet dating service for bisexual women in Philadelphia popped up. I never went there, so I asked her about it. She said she was just looking and I do the same thing with porn sites. I told her “Yeah, I look at porn sometimes, but it’s not as specific as to where you live and a dating site.” She just got mad about me questioning her. That same day she seduced me into having sex because I was mad at her. But the whole time she was talking about me jealous if she was with woman.

Beyond that, I’d find lesbian porn downloaded on my laptop and other “bisexual black women” Google searches. All this confused me, so I search the net for “How do you know if your girlfriend is gay” She saw my query in Google’s history tab and asked me, “So, you think I’m gay?” I told her, the though has crossed my mind and then she dropped it. No denying it whatsoever.

BTW, women are always hitting on her.

I remember this one time she took me out for my birthday for dinner. I sat down facing one way and she the other. In her direction was this one chick from another table hitting on her without my knowledge. My woman eventually whispered to me that the girl was flirting with her. Seconds later, the girl from the other table sends a glass of wine over to our table for her. My woman is all giddy asking me what should she do…I didn’t know, so I said tell her thank you and then I drank it. The rest of the night I was extremely annoyed and paranoid. Not at my woman, but the fact that the chick had the balls to send my girl a glass of wine and flirt with her, when she was clearly there with me.

I also remember, one night she jumped up out of her sleep and said she had a nightmare. I asked what about and she said she was telling her father she was bisexual.

Other instances of suspicion came from what she said to me upon the break up. First off, all her reasons for the breakup were so vague. “I’m hollow, you never trusted me, I don’t know myself or what I want,” she would say. And one night, during the infamous CD exchange, she said she wants to remain friends and told her I couldn’t be her friend at the time because I wouldn’t want to hear about “some other guy” in your life. Well, this woman makes it a point to say “or girl.”

I don’t know, like I said my thoughts are in weird place right now, but I am starting to believe she wanted to be with a women and instead of cheating on me, she dumped me. I just never would have suspected she was this way. But once again I have no proof, just hindsight. I am the first and only person she has ever been with sexually, were both in out mid-20s and perhaps she wants to pursue “other avenues” What do you think or how do you know if your woman left you to pursue other women?

[BannaBee57]

Would it be too forward to just ask her straight out (no pun inteded)? You guys have been together for a while so I would think she wouldn't have too much of a problem admiting that she wanted to try another route. She says that she doesn't know who she is or what she wants. This may be a clue that she is strugging with questions about her sexuality. I guess I would try just asking her.

 

Another thought is that she may know your fear that she is a lesbian and is saying things about wanting to be with a girl just to get you upset. Many women are sexualy aroused by pictures or video of other women but are not lesbians. She may be trying to get you mad so that you will just let her go. If this is the case then you should just let her go and find someone that enjoys having sex with you, is honest, and doesn't play mind games.

 

~Breanna

[Rooster_DAR]

I suggest you start manning up and get on with your life. This was a long relationship, so it's even worse for you. From my experience and research, the relationship has died and she will not be coming back. Yes, there will be people who will disagree with this, but we are looking at such a small percentage of these relationships really working out that you'd have better odds playing the lottery. As for being gay, some of the things you pointed out elude to a good possiblity of that. If you can get over her quickly and remain friends, you may be able to convince her to sleep with her and her new click.

 

I feel for you, I still live with the pain of loss everyday.

 

Regards,