Totally Inappropriate!!

[apindal]

I've never posted on this thing before, and I'm not much of an internet person, so I'm sorry if I come off a little slow. I'll do my best to explain my situation. This past summer I let my daughter who is 8 spend about two months at my sister in-laws, her aunts. Her aunt lives a few states away, so I did not see her for the entire time. I felt fine with her little vacation though, because she has cousins a few years older than her whom she has always been close to and I know my sister in-law is a pretty responsible person.

 

My daughter returned home just yesterday, and her aunt and two cousins came with, and they are going to stay the rest of the week and then fly back to california. She seemed to have had a great time, and she had plenty of stories to tell me.

 

I could barely listen to what she was saying though, because was what looked like a g-string poking out above her shorts. I made no mention of it when I first noticed, though I probably looked like living death. I have hardly had a moment to myself with the house so full so I still have not had time to process what I saw.

 

Today at breakfast I made a point at looking, just praying I had imagined it yesterday afternoon, but sure enough there it was, plain for everyone to see, like a skinny T going across the small of her back.

 

I would never never allow her to wear something like that, I don't think any 8 year-old girl should, I don't even think I will allow her to wear one when she is 17! I remember a few years ago Abercrombie and Fitch and some other stores got in trouble for making intimate um, underwear for her age-group, and I had no idea that stores still sold them.

 

Earlier this afternoon, whilst still trying to evade a heart-attack I recalled that her aunt had called me when my daughter had first got there, and asked if it was alright if she bought her a new wardrobe. I said okay, though I didn't see what was wrong with the one already had, but hey, my child seemed to be excited about it and she thinks the world of her aunt so I said alright. I had no idea what she meant by wardrobe. Her aunt though works as a model, mostly in undergarment and bikini type jobs, so I feel guilty that I allowed this to ever happen. During the course of the day I have checked the backs of her cousins who aren't much older than her, and they also are sporting butt-floss. You might think it would be hard to do, but its about as visible as if they were wearing a bright pink wig!

 

I confronted my daugther about it a few hours ago and she had nothing but praise for her new undies. She became hysterical when I told her that I wasn't going to allow her to keep them once her cousins and aunt left, saying something about visible panty lines. Why should an 8 year old care about that? I just don't get it at all.

 

There's no real argument about whether my daughter will continue wearing thong panties, thats a definite no. What I am worried about is whether I should confront my sister in-law about it. I know she meant no harm. She just runs in a different kind of crowd and her attitude about nudity and apprently underwear is much more relaxed. I don't want to hurt her feelings or give her the impression that I regret having my daughter stay the summer over there. But I want my daughter to be out of those thongs before the next two days, and they are staying the rest of the week.

 

Her father comes home in two days, and I know he will flip out and cause a commotion if he catches sight of what I have already seen. My daughter's aunt is his little sister and he thinks the world of her, but I think something like this could break a relationship as close as theirs and I don't want to see anything like that happen. I really don't know what I can do. It feels like I am stuck trying to solve about ten problems at once.

[HokeyReligions]

Tell your daughter no and explain why. Tell her you will discuss it further with her after your house guests have left. Figure out exactly why you don't want her to wear them so that your explanation covers all of her questions - this is probably going to turn into a sex talk so be prepared. If she complains to her Aunt or she calls you then you can tell your SIL the same reasons. It doesn't have to be confrontational. Discuss it with your husband first before talking to his sister - he may be the one to talk to her instead of you.

 

I agree with you - sexy underware shouldn't be on a child.

[apindal]

Perhaps I was confusing in my first post. The reason I want her completely weened off of her thongs in two days is because her father is coming home and ideally I would like him to have no knowledge whatsoever that this ever happened. Even if she was out of them and he found out, he would still be furious. He's very protective and he might say some things to his sister that I know he'll regret. Her temper is as bad as his, and if they get into it, oh boy. I don't want to be around for that.

 

Even worse is that my daughter can be very melo-dramatic and though I tried explaining why I disapproved, I don't think she understood the sexual connatation of thongs, and just thinks I am being mean. I am afraid she might call her father and complain to him about the situation, not even realizing that it will set him off. So I've been watching her like a hawk to make sure she doesn't. Its been kind of painful to do that, and I have to grit my teeth when I see that shoe string disappearing into her crack. I am trying to figure out a way I can get her to ditch them entirely without causing a fuss, and without insulting my SIL. And have it all resolved so peacefully that when my husband comes home, it will never even be mentioned.

[norajane]

Um, you're the mommy, so go through her luggage and dresser drawers and take all the thongs. Tonight, when she takes her clothes off for her bath, take the thong she's wearing and that's that.

 

If your daughter gets upset, assert parental privilege and just tell her those are adult clothes and "in our house, 8 year old girls don't wear adult clothes" and she isn't allowed to wear them until she's an adult and buys her own clothes. If she creates a scene, send her to her room for a time out until she can stop crying about it. It's your house with your rules...don't be so afraid of your daughter that you can't assert your rules.

[apindal]

She took a shower a little bit ago and I actually had the same idea you did norajane. You must be a mother too But she must have put them with her cousins or her aunts things because I couldn't find anything, and I can't very well go rifling thru our relatives things without asking. When she came out of the shower she was wearing yet ANOTHER one!!!! How many of those things does she have? ugh. And I haven't even really talked about the rest of her wardrobe, probably because I have been so preoccupied with the thongs, but the other clothes my SIL bought her are pretty skanky. I think I have sleeves longer than shorts she came out of the shower in. I can see that she is going to fight me to the end about this. I wish it were so easy to just lay the law down, but I can't really do that until my SIL and her daughters leave. Otherwise my SIL wil know that I have a problem with her wardrobe and then all hell might break loose. I know most of you are saying "Well you're the parent, its your house" but its not as simple as that. If my SIL takes it the wrong way, she will say something to my husband and then that will set off a chain reaction that will be quite explosive. I really really want to avoid that.

[norajane]

I'm not sure I understand what this chain reaction is that you're afraid of?

 

IT sounds like you and your husband agree on what clothes are appropriate for your daughter and what aren't, so that's not where the problem is.

 

Why is it such a big deal for your husband to know that your SIL bought your daughter some clothes that she won't be able to keep? Why do you feel you can't tell your SIL that you'd prefer your daughter not wear the stuff she bought?

[Buttaflyy]

I'd tell Auntie that thongs are not allowed. I'd tell my daughter why. End of story.

[apindal]

The chain reaction I am talking about is this. If I tell my SIL what i think, she will take it as a personal attack on her, me and her have butted heads on a few occasions because i dont' really approve of her kind of job as I don't think it is a good role model for her daughters to make your living showing your booty to the world. So it might damage our already precarious relationship. If I really lay down the law with my daughter she might either let my SIL know that i don't approve or call her father, not even realizing that he will explode once he finds out and probably make her cry over the phone, which will make me cry and he'll be screaming and it will be just a big mess. So I can't really confront or talk to my SIL about it. I can't really put my foot down too hard about it with Ashley, and I can't, by any means let any of this ever be found out by my husband. He loves his sister dearly, but if he found out that she put our daughter in thongs I think his fatherly protectivness would win out andthey would row like never before. I shudder to think. Ashley and her cousins played inthe backyard in the pool earlier and they changed into their suits in the living room. I saw very distinct thong tan lines on Ashley which means she was soaking up some sun out in the california sun, OUTDOORS!! If my hubby was to realize that Ashly had been seen by other people in such a thing....oh boy. World War three people.

[quankanne]

He loves his sister dearly, but if he found out that she put our daughter in thongs I think his fatherly protectivness would win out and they would row like never before.

 

at the risk of being devil's advocate, I think that despite all the hollering and screaming that will take place you really need to let your husband know about this, especially since you're on the same page when it comes to how your child is going to be raised. Your SIL has no right to dictate what your kid wears or sees or does if she knows or even guesses that you two are against those things, and both she AND your daughter need to know what the boundaries are. I'm sorry that it'll take World War III to get the point across, but I think that you know that this is a line that must be drawn no matter what. Otherwise, SIL and daughter will do these things behind your back each and every chance they get. YOU are the parent, YOU are in agreement with your husband about how to raise your kid, YOU shouldn't have to back down just because you don't want to see the fur fly ... frankly, that would probably do a better job at nipping things in the bud even at the risk of a big squabble, because you understand that at any point, this information is going to slip out and he's really going to have a shxt-fit because you kept it from him.

[Eliseyard]

Did I miss something? I don't see what the big deal is!! My daughters wore thongs at that age even earlier than that now that i think about it. Theres nothing wrong with it. I thought they looked really cute in 'em. My husband objected at first but i told him that just cause they wore them it didnt mean they were going to go 'round acting like little tramps. I also reminded him he didnt have any complaints when i wear thongs lol, so he'd be a hypocrite if he made a fuss about. Now hes gotten over it and only gets upset cause they get alot of attention from boys.

 

Apindal, you ought to at least stop freking out! Give it a chance, listen to your SIL maybe shes got some good points. Im sure she wasn't trying to hurt you. What have you got to lose? You might even think she looks cute in'm too and wanna keep'm afterall.

[britchick]

There is no way an eight year old should be wearing g-strings, it's horrible.

Your SIL must have some idea that you and your husband wouldn't approve of the clothes she bought for your daughter - unless she's totally clueless.

I understand you don't want to cause a family row but you really aren't going to get through this some kind of confrontation with someone, unpleasant as it is.

If I were you I'd take the SIL to one side and tell her exactly how you feel, but start off with, 'when *hubby* gets home he's going to go crazy if he sees Ashley wearing g-strings, I'm sorry, I appreciate that you wanted to buy her 'nice things' ( ) but I'm going to have to take them off her.' Make it clear to her it's not a personal attack and that you don't want to argue with her and you don't want to cause a family row. Don't judge her but be firm.

And yes, you are going to have to explain to your daughter why you don't want her wearing thongs - if you don't have this battle with her now you'll have a much worse one in a couple of years.

[apindal]

Did I miss something? I don't see what the big deal is!! My daughters wore thongs at that age even earlier than that now that i think about it. Theres nothing wrong with it. I thought they looked really cute in 'em. My husband objected at first but i told him that just cause they wore them it didnt mean they were going to go 'round acting like little tramps. I also reminded him he didnt have any complaints when i wear thongs lol, so he'd be a hypocrite if he made a fuss about. Now hes gotten over it and only gets upset cause they get alot of attention from boys.

 

Apindal, you ought to at least stop freking out! Give it a chance, listen to your SIL maybe shes got some good points. Im sure she wasn't trying to hurt you. What have you got to lose? You might even think she looks cute in'm too and wanna keep'm afterall.

 

I think there is so many things wrong with what you are saying. What are you teaching your daughters by letting them wear thongs that early? What are you teaching them about their bodies and about their worth as a person? And it sounds like you were being kind of inconsiderate to your husband. Maybe he just doesn't want to see his daughters walking around the house in thongs, his reluctance might have been as simple as that, and its most fathers would have the same objections! Just because you think they look cute in them, which is creepy in itself, that does not mean that you should put them in thongs at 8, and didn't you say it was even sooner than that? I hope you were joking at that part. What is the purpose of that?!

[Rumbabe]

Apindal,

 

Assert your authority on your daughter, and assert yourself towards your SIL, it is your home and they should respect the rules you have in your home.

 

That way asserting yourself they will respect you through new eyes!

[Buttaflyy]

Apindal,

 

Assert your authority on your daughter, and assert yourself towards your SIL, it is your home and they should respect the rules you have in your home.

 

That way asserting yourself they will respect you through new eyes!

 

Hope you follow the advice you've been given. Who's raising your daughter anyways? Who's well being are you concerned for? Who are you teaching morals and value too? Your daughter right? I would be concerned with the fact that SIL would have feelings about the values that I choose for my child. Something about you not wanting to confront her on this doesn't sit right with me. She has her own children and raises them the way she wishes doesn't she? Would you try and change them for her and her kids?

 

Don't let it become a issue...the choices you make for your child must be respected and enforced. Yes, she probably thought it was a "nice" thing to do, but it wasn't. I think you need to let her know that it's not something accepted and move on from it. There should be no debate about it. Even when Ashley is visiting with SIL she is still to abide by your rules. SIL being the responsible adult should enforce them, whatever these rules may be. Period. End of story.

 

Also, talk to hubby about it. You both have to confront these issues as a team. This is only the tip of the iceberg of what's to come while raising your daughter. She's only 8 now, you have to be able to confront these issues together. A united front is on the order!

[FredTravels]

because i dont' really approve of her kind of job as I don't think it is a good role model for her daughters to make your living showing your booty to the world.

 

So, what was the reason that you sent your daughter out there for two weeks in the first place?

 

I think this may be a difference between east coast and west coast. You do not agree, and that is your right and perogative. Assert yourself to your SIL, your kid, and your hubby.

 

If there is a blowout with hubby and SIL--it is not your fault. I would not keep this from hubby though because he will ultimately find out--8 yr olds have amazing mouths and then you will be the one keeping secrets.

 

I might even bring it up to him and ask him HIS opinion. If he is in agreement with you, take the thongs away.

 

It is also apparent that your daughter knows it is wrong since she is apparently hiding her underwear with her aunt and cousin

[tinktronik]

I think there is so many things wrong with what you are saying. What are you teaching your daughters by letting them wear thongs that early?

 

What is it that bothers you so much about underware that do not cover the full bottom? Children are just that , children , they often do not have the same sexual connotations about clothing or other things that adults place on them .So what is she teaching her children , probably nothing at this instance.

 

 

What are you teaching them about their bodies and about their worth as a person?

 

What in the world does a pair of underware have to do with self worth as a person.

 

And it sounds like you were being kind of inconsiderate to your husband. Maybe he just doesn't want to see his daughters walking around the house in thongs, his reluctance might have been as simple as that, and its most fathers would have the same objections!

 

Well aparently this father does not have enough say to veto thongs in his home , and why would an eight year old girl be walking around in her undies anyway?

 

Just because you think they look cute in them, which is creepy in itself, that does not mean that you should put them in thongs at 8, and didn't you say it was even sooner than that?

 

There is absolutly nothing creepy about any kind of underware except what twisted minds may place there . So if you have hang-ups about certain things , its your own hang-up . Do you think your own daughter looks cute in a party hat ? Well some people minght think thats creepy.

I hope you were joking at that part. What is the purpose of that?!

 

You have already stated that you put off your own views (or kinks as it may be ) about what your SIL does for a living and it's appropriatness for her daughters , which was not your place at all as she is their paernt. If you don't agree with her lifestyle , why let your daughter visit there at all? You are the parent here , stop being dramatic , if you don't want her wearing thongs , don't let her , take them away .No reason to start a family rift over it either , tell your H , tell him you solved the probl;em and move on with your life.

 

Just a question what kind of undies do YOU wear?

[Buttaflyy]

You have already stated that you put off your own views (or kinks as it may be ) about what your SIL does for a living and it's appropriatness for her daughters , which was not your place at all as she is their paernt. If you don't agree with her lifestyle , why let your daughter visit there at all? You are the parent here , stop being dramatic , if you don't want her wearing thongs , don't let her , take them away .No reason to start a family rift over it either , tell your H , tell him you solved the probl;em and move on with your life.

 

Just a question what kind of undies do YOU wear?

 

I take it that you are of the opinion that thongs are ok for kids? That's your opinion, one that some may disagree with and that mom here definitely does disapprove of. I agree with much of your last paragraph, but I can still definitely see Mom's cause for concern.

[tinktronik]

I take it that you are of the opinion that thongs are ok for kids? That's your opinion, one that some may disagree with and that mom here definitely does disapprove of. I agree with much of your last paragraph, but I can still definitely see Mom's cause for concern.

Its a pair of underware and a kid , I see no danger there , sono I don't personally have a problem with it . Like I said in my post , if MOM does not agree with it , then take them away . But there is no reason to turn it into a huge row , or to overreact to it . Making statements about self -worth and underware connections , though ,... come on.

[norajane]

If I really lay down the law with my daughter she might either let my SIL know that i don't approve or call her father, not even realizing that he will explode once he finds out and probably make her cry over the phone, which will make me cry and he'll be screaming and it will be just a big mess. So I can't really confront or talk to my SIL about it.

 

I can't really put my foot down too hard about it with Ashley, and I can't, by any means let any of this ever be found out by my husband. He loves his sister dearly, but if he found out that she put our daughter in thongs I think his fatherly protectivness would win out andthey would row like never before. I shudder to think. Ashley and her cousins played inthe backyard in the pool earlier and they changed into their suits in the living room. I saw very distinct thong tan lines on Ashley which means she was soaking up some sun out in the california sun, OUTDOORS!! If my hubby was to realize that Ashly had been seen by other people in such a thing....oh boy. World War three people.

 

So, basically, it's your husband's explosive temper that you're afraid of. Wouldn't it be better, then, to approach the situation directly so he doesn't 'find out' that you've tried to hide it from him?

 

I still don't see why you can't take all the clothes away while your daughter is asleep or whatever, unless she's hidden everything - in which case you definitely need to assert yourself with your daughter! If she's enlisted your SIL's help, then you need to talk to her. I'm sure your SIL is well aware of your husband's temper since they grew up together. Just tell her you don't want him to start WWIII over some clothes and it would be better to avoid the whole thing by getting rid of them.

 

I don't see any other resolution, because your H will discover what's going on if you don't address it before he gets home. And you'll need to tell him anyway, because your daughter is likely to complain that you took all the clothes away. You shouldn't keep him in the dark because that will make him even madder, this time at you.

[blind_otter]

Its a pair of underware and a kid , I see no danger there , sono I don't personally have a problem with it . Like I said in my post , if MOM does not agree with it , then take them away . But there is no reason to turn it into a huge row , or to overreact to it . Making statements about self -worth and underware connections , though ,... come on.

 

I don't think the underware is an issue, myself.

 

I DO, however, think that an 8 year old with a thong hanging OUT of her pants/shorts is skanky as all heck.

 

If she wants to wear butt floss, fine, whatever, but she should keep her underpants to herself.

 

I'm just saying.

[tinktronik]

I don't think the underware is an issue, myself.

 

I DO, however, think that an 8 year old with a thong hanging OUT of her pants/shorts is skanky as all heck.

 

If she wants to wear butt floss, fine, whatever, but she should keep her underpants to herself.

 

I'm just saying.

If her thongs are hanging out of her pants then she needs pants and shorts that fit her anyway .(sticking my toung out at you)

[Buttaflyy]

If her thongs are hanging out of her pants then she needs pants and shorts that fit her anyway .(sticking my toung out at you)

 

I think thongs are inappropriate underwear for kids. And because mom said so, she shouldn't wear them. She's 8 she shouldn't wear anything her mom finds to be inappropriate. I do agree that Mom needs to take a stand and simply put an end to it all. I dispise pants that show crack. Something else that is inappropriate for kids.

[JaneInVegas]

Regardless of what outcome you may fear, you need to tell your husband. How would you like it if you found out he had withheld some similar information from you? Whatever happens between himself and his family is not your problem, you should be more concerned with upholding a unified front for your daughter.

 

Thongs on 8 year olds ... jeesh what is the world coming to? grumble grumble grumble

[Eliseyard]

Fisrst of all, i think its cute when the thong is sticking out in the back!

 

 

Well aparently this father does not have enough say to veto thongs in his home , and why would an eight year old girl be walking around in her undies anyway?

 

 

Of corse he doesn't. All I have to do is wiggle my tush and show him some love and he doesn't have any power at all. I usually get wat I want. And fyi, we walk around in our undies all the time? Doesn't everyone? I thought that was pretty normal. I dont let my hubby though cause if he gets a boner its too seeable.

 

 

Just because you think they look cute in them, which is creepy in itself, that does not mean that you should put them in thongs at 8, and didn't you say it was even sooner than that?

 

Your darn right i think they look cute in them. Adorable in them! It aint like i'm getting them the crotchless kind or anything! And i think 8 is actualy too old to start, my daughters were in them around 4 or 5. I tried the regular kind first but they were alwys straightn them and pullin wedgies out, they looked uncomfortable, so one day i cut the back out of my first daughter's undies but left a strip and wanted to see howd shed like it, so it was pretty much a thong. And sure enough, no more pullin wedgies out and no more fussing with it under the pants or skirt or whatever. She said they were comfy and since then thats all they wore.

 

What are you teaching them about their bodies and about their worth as a person?

 

Um, apparently more than you are. My girls know what kinda power they can have and theyve learned how to use it. Theyve got boys callin them at all hours of the day and they can get them to do whatever they want. I taught them what they need to know, not too much cause they are a little to young to know how babies or made hahaha, but i've taught them how to get what they want from boys, and thongs is one way for sure. Dont trick yourself into thinkin that your daughter is going to have some happy life and fall in love with some prince who treats her like gold cause shes got a Good Personality? this is reality, and you've got to work what you have to get what you want. my daughters are younger than yours but i would bet anything theyre smarter. No offense. Your SIL is doing your daughter a big favor.

 

 

I'm glad to see im not the only one around here who thinks Apindal is overreacting.

[delnoire]

And it sounds like you were being kind of inconsiderate to your husband. Maybe he just doesn't want to see his daughters walking around the house in thongs, his reluctance might have been as simple as that, and its most fathers would have the same objections!

 

 

Though I actually think it is okay for a child that age to wear thongs, provided that they not be visible above the pants, like the guy before me said, its just underwear, I totally agree with this. You probably have no idea what you are putting your husband through. You are seriously messing with his mind. Allow me to tell you a little story

 

When I was in college I went to this really cool pool party the fraternity was throwing, I wasn't a frat brother just in case you were wondering lol. So I'm there and there are tons of hot chicks in skimpy bathing suits everywhere. I spy one across the room that really catches my eye and tell my buddies about how I should go over there and talk to her. I mean, all I could see was the back of her because she was facing the opposite way, but man she had a cute butt and she seemed like she'd be really pretty. Well it turns out that it was actually my little sister who had snuck out of the house and wasn't supposed to be there. The reason I didn't recognize her was because she had done something different with her hair.

 

Its not like it traumatized me or anything but I really felt like a filthy pervert for a while after that. What I'm saying is that even if they are his daughters, your husband is still a man and biology doesn't change its laws for family. An attractive butt is an attractive butt. I can see, I think most men can see why he wouldn't want to see his daughters in thongs, walking around the house.

 

And let me tell you one last thing, you might be asking for big trouble. Afterall, when a man gets in the mood, he becomes kind of an irrational animal. Don't think that just because its an 8 year old butt in a thong he is seeing when hormones call, that is going to stop him from doing something that may affect everyone in your family's life forever. Just some food for thought.