Guest Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I don't know what insight I can offer, but I would like to share my recent experience with infidelity. I am currently in a relationship with someone who is perhaps the most incredible person I have ever had the privilege of knowing. I consider this individual a great friend. Herein lies the trouble. I had a one-nighter with someone recently, after hitting a rough patch. And by rough patch, I mean weeks and weeks of emotional scrapes with my partner, coupled with panic attacks and an ongoing battle with depression. These aren't excuses, just facts about myself and what is going on with us. Somewhere along the path of my life, I lost all respect for myself, my faith and all and everything around me. It finally culminated into this event. I spiralled into this self-destructive vortex, that just made me give up on everything, including my partner. I am mindful and a proponent in taking personal responsibility for my actions. I make amends quietly in my mind and in actions. My partner does not know, nor will my partner ever know because nothing good would come out of it, except a whole world of pain. I have never acted on my impulses before, nor were these impulses ever that common. Even in abusive and crappy relationships, I still believed in faithfulness and that I had to work at the relationship harder because they were unhappy. But I never cheated. But why now after meeting someone who is pretty good? I dunno. I got to this point where I didn't think people were any different from each other. And when my partner would diss me, I exercised a silly habit of knuckling under and not addressing my hurt. I used to be able to take it, but then something in me snapped. From the beginning, I had issues and always tried to sabotage our burgeoning relationship. My partner pointed that out. We have talked recently, because I was preparing to just end our relationship. My partner picked up on that and pursued discussion. Essentially, I said that we're in a bad place and I just think it would be better if we could be friends again. My partner does not want that, and in honesty, I want to stay in this relationship NOW because I am realizing that it isn't as much of a crumbling island floating on uncertainty. I guess the whole point of my missive is that not everyone who makes a mistake of this nature is some morally vacuous reprobate.
silktricks Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I guess the whole point of my missive is that not everyone who makes a mistake of this nature is some morally vacuous reprobate. It's good that you recognize that everyone can make mistakes, and no one has the right to take the moral equivalent of the high ground. Everyone has screwed up at least once in their life. The trick is to pick yourself up, learn from the face-plant, and not make that misstep again. Good luck.
zeroman Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I just cheated on my wonderful gf of 3 years with a call girl. It was the worst and most uncharacteristic thing I've ever done. I will get tested for stds but (assuming i'm clean) will not tell my gf b/c I KNOW that that will crush her self-esteem and kill the relationship. it's a good relationship and trust me, it was out of no where. I was faithful with my ex for 2 years but love my current gf 10x more. the only motiviation i have is to learn that i'm not as good of a person as i thought i was and to show even more love for my gf than ever b4. thoughts? comments? all i can say, is ladies, porn is your friend. had i done the usual and pleased myself to jenna jameson i'd be aok.
Guest Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 It's good that you recognize that everyone can make mistakes, and no one has the right to take the moral equivalent of the high ground. Everyone has screwed up at least once in their life. The trick is to pick yourself up, learn from the face-plant, and not make that misstep again. Good luck. Silktricks: Thank you for your supportive and kind words. I realize now that my actions reflected a very broken and unstable person, who was (and I admit, somewhat still is) emotionally immature. I still think the road to becoming a better person is a long and winding one, but one I am going to travel. I discovered how I had adopted this "pleaser" role for so long, that I put my needs/wants/concerns on the backburner, that I often put myself outside of the relationship. As long as they were happy, then I would be too. That, I have learned, is dreadfully wrong.
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