Grrr Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Hi, ive posted a couple of times about my situation but this isnt entirely related to that, although it is a little. I think i posted this in the wrong place but wa sunable to copy and past to move it elsewhere im sorry! feel free to move it if atall possible. Basically he has said afew things about some traits i have, he is always shouting at me and i wonder why, and he asks me why i cant see what im doing.. so i decided to watch myself almost. I was talking to him on the online game we play together, in typing, and as soon as he took more than 5 seconds or so to reply, i got worried tha he was talking to someone else... and asked him if he was busy, i started to feel my chest go all weird... like i was getting nervous... then we went into voice chat. I was talking to him, and as soon as he stopped talking for a minute, and i heard a slight clicking noise, i started saying "what are you doing?, is someone talking to ya?" i did this CONTINUALLY throughout the next 4 hours.. like whenever he stopped... or i heard a typing noise. Then a friend came into the voice channel, and he started talking slightly louder and moer than he was with me, and he went politer, so all of a sudden i got really peeved off, and said to him, in typing, why is it that you go upbeat and happy when someone else comes? and i started wondering.. if ever im not online.. what they say to eachother. Is something going on? is he laughing at me behind my back and just not telling me? then she goes, and i start asking him if hes bored of talking to me, if ive outstayed my welcome, if he'd rather i went. At this point, as you can imagine he was getting really angry and snappy. I'm respoding when he snaps with stuff like... why are you shouting at me? is thre any need? it was just a question... or i''ll laugh It went on all the time. And then i leave, and i lie in bed and i panic wether i've ruined it all, like i really want to get along with him. And ill thinkt to myself, omg hes really not going to want to speak to me again, ill have to stop it! "right, tomorrow ill definately not do anything like that again" but i ALWAYS do the EXACT SAME THING. Ill try and txt him, and say "look, i dunno what you think, i really like talking to you but i dont know if we should cos we argue alot" and i think my motive in this is to hear him compliment me, and say "ofcourse i want to talk" but this isnt in his nature, i know this, so i go back to square one and start panicking. Like i have so many things i want to ask him but i cant incase he doesnt want to see me when he comes back to England next month. I started egtting weird about this, i've researched paranoia a little but it seems a bit far fetched with some of the aspects to completely apply to me... i dunno wether its possible to have it mildly.... I dont know how to make myself stop this. I really don't I can't seek any medical help, because its not possible right now in my situation. I need to know how to stop wondering if he is wanting to be with other girls, i wonder if he doesnt want to talk to me, or if im annoying him. Or if hes typing secretly. ya know? please any help would be great.
Walk Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I went back and read some of your other posts, and in my opinion your insecure with lower self-esteem. That came off really harsh... I'm insecure too, and so are a lot of other people. You could see if there is a program near you that offers counseling to people with low income. I think it'd really help you to talk to a professional. Someoen who could help you rebuild your self-esteem so that you wouldn't feel so messed up in the head all the time. I don't mean to be hurtful... but I don't think your guy is that into to. Which cuts your self-esteem even more. The longer you're attached to him, the more it's going to dig in to you and make you feel bad. Especially with you constantly wondering who he's talking to, or with. YOU need to move on with your own life. Stop talking to him. Don't play the game with him any more. Remove him from your life. I think you need to regain your own life. Start doign things that are going to make you feel good about yourself, adn that will build your confidence back up. Either reinvest into more education, or work out, or pick up a new hobby that you can grow and develop with.. but something. YOu need to get this man out of your life for your own sanity. He's only stringing you along, making you feel like half the person you really are inside. And love shouldn't feel like that.. it should make you feel special.. not worse. I really think he's stringing you along, and I think you know this too but don't want to face it. Cut him out of your life. He doesnt' deserve your love or friendship.
Author Grrr Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 Thanks for your advice walk, your probably right, Also i have just spoken to my mums friend, brilliant timing from her, she holds counselling sessions around my area... i wouldnt personally like to go to her directly as she is a family friend but i confided in her about the things that have been worrying me. I described what i feel like.. and she stopped me in the middle and said it sounds as though im suffering from somthing called Paranoid personality disorder, where the person doesnt actually suffer the effects of schizophrenia. Does anyone know about this? ive just quickly come on here to look it up and the descriptions fit me down to a tee.
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