IWalkAlone Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Have you ever been accused of stalking someone? Have you ever done stalker-like things, such as drive past someone's house just to see if they're home (or who's with them), hang out near their work, or follow them from a descrete distance across campus? Why did you do these things? What motivated you? We often see stories about stalkers in the media, but we rarely hear the the stalker's side of the story. Let's hear it....
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 The stalker lurks inside me! haha honestly my first love brough out a crazy side of me that I now look back on and feel absolutely INSANE. I walked to his house atleast 500 times, I called atleast 500 times continuosly after another. If I had had a car than I would have driven by 500 times probaly more considering its better than walking I hope I learned from that lol
KittenMoon Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 I've done this for real a few times, but mostly in fun. As a tween/early teen we'd actually go to the mall and stalk random guys. It was a big joke, and lots of fun. :laugh:
Brittanyjean06 Posted September 5, 2006 Posted September 5, 2006 Oh yeah I forgot to add in this one. When I was younger and used to hang with some neighborhood people we would stalk the hispanics who worked on our yards, it was hilarious to hide in leaves and jump out All just for fun though
Author IWalkAlone Posted September 5, 2006 Author Posted September 5, 2006 What are your stories, Iwalkalone? I've never been formally accused of stalking, but there was this one girl when I was on college.. We shared a class together and started hanging out between classes as well. I went to a party at her house. There were phone calls, and she agreed to go on a date with me. We got along so well I thought I was going to finally have the kind of long-term dating relationship my friends had but had eluded me. But a few days before the date, she cancelled claiming to be busy. The next day, she took off with her friends immediately after class without talking to me, and no longer hung out at the same campus spots where she & I and her friends hung out before. She used her answering machine to screen my calls, and ignored my requests to call back and talk. And yes, I did follow her across campus keeping about 50 yards distance to find out where she was hanging out. After that her friend approached me and asked me to STOP calling her friend and STOP following her and STOP trying to talk to her after class. At that point I decided she was just a f***ing b!tch and stopped trying to contact her. If a woman doesn't want to go out with me, that's her perrogative. But if a women is warm & flirty toward me and suddenly turns cold & distant without explanation, I feel entitled to ask why. If I made some kind of mistake with her, I want to know what it is so I don't repeat it with others. Even if it is something not my fault, like an old boyfriend coming back into her life, that's still an explanation, and is better than no explaination. When other women who seemed interested in me suddenly lost interest, I've felt obsessed with finding out why. Unfortunately many people feel that honesty in these situaitons is rude, and breakthings off with no explanation or a BS explanation. Actually the opposite is true. When women are honest with me, I respect them and move on. Now I don't condone anyone who uses violence or threat of violence, but when I read in the media about someone who is being stalked, I wonder if the person being stalked is really the only victim.
Walk Posted September 6, 2006 Posted September 6, 2006 I'll tell you right now.. most people don't give a satisfactory reason, regardless of gender. They avoid it. All they want is for you to leave them alone. The last thing they want is to talk to you. Besides, what could they tell you that you couldn't figure out with some honest self-awareness? That you called too much and they felt smoothered? That they assumed you were really needy and insecure if you had to call 20 times the day after they cancelled a date with you? That you only validated their feeling of unease by following them around campus and refusing to leave them alone? Here's an example from my past. I was going through a bad patch in life, and went out with a guy I'd met in a bar. Next date I had sex with him.. but then I freaked out after having sex, and started asking him if he was really going to call me again. I was frantic, asking him to show me he really had my number in his phone. Making him promise to call me. I acted horribly because I felt so sick I'd slept with someone I hardly knew, and I was convinced I'd never hear from him again. I didn't want to feel used, so I baggered him to call me again. Needless to say, he didn't. I went back to the bar that weekend, where I originally met him, to see if he was there.. he is. But he leaves when I get there. The point is.. I screwed up. I shouldn't have slept with the guy. I shouldn't have freaked out about him calling me and demand he show me he had my number, etc. I shouldn't have tried to find him at the bar the following weekend. **I** shouldn't have been so needy, clingy, insecure, and a head case. That is why he didn't call me again. I didn't need him to tell me that. I knew it. I'd crossed the line into psycho territory, and there isn't anything you can do to uncross it. All I had left at that point was to learn from my experience, and move on. Why follow him around to try to get him to talk to me? The only purpose would have been so I could get attention. But it would've been negative attention, and I didn't want that. Its about connecting the dots. Honestly evaluate your actions... I did this.. he reacted in this way.. I did this.. he reacted even more. My conclusion is... I scared him and he no longer wanted to talk to me. Not that hard to interpret their actions into the words of "why" they no longer want anything to do with you. That girl told you loud and clear that she didn't want to see you. But you never connected the dots. Why?
Author IWalkAlone Posted September 6, 2006 Author Posted September 6, 2006 I'll tell you right now.. most people don't give a satisfactory reason, regardless of gender. They avoid it. All they want is for you to leave them alone. The last thing they want is to talk to you. Besides, what could they tell you that you couldn't figure out with some honest self-awareness? I've done a lot of honest self-awareness. I honestly can't figure out why this girl and other girls have shown interest in me, and then suddenly turned that interest off. That's why I seek honest feedback from women who have first-hand experience with me. That you called too much and they felt smoothered? Women complain about guys who don't call, so what is the "proper" amount of calling? That they assumed you were really needy and insecure if you had to call 20 times the day after they cancelled a date with you? That you only validated their feeling of unease by following them around campus and refusing to leave them alone? First, I didn't call 20 times a day. Also the voice messages and the fllowing around campus occurred after she started avoiding me. I was tryingto learn why she felt it necissary to avoid me. Its about connecting the dots. Honestly evaluate your actions... Not that hard to interpret their actions into the words of "why" they no longer want anything to do with you. That girl told you loud and clear that she didn't want to see you. But you never connected the dots. Why? It was obvious that she didn't want to see me, but not enough dots for me to have a clue why she changed her mind. I understand this sort of thing happens to everyone, but when I get this response from multiple women - who don't appear to be so picky when it comes to other men - I have to conclude that there is something very wrong with me that I can't figure out. That's why it's frustrating that women who've had first hand experience with me are of no help.
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